Spotting a covert narcissist is not easy because they don’t show the usual signs like the more obvious narcissists do. They don’t act grand or entitled, in fact, they seem quite the opposite. They might seem caring and empathetic, showing interest in helping and saving you from your troubles.

You might think they’re sincere and willing to be vulnerable, traits that seem opposite to narcissism. But it’s just a mask, hiding the true nature of a covert narcissist. 

They subtly show signs of their narcissism, which, if noticed, can help you avoid a lot of pain and suffering. 

That’s what we’ll discuss in today’s article.

I’m Ryan, specializing writing in helping people recover from narcissistic abuse and studying psychology, and I’m an expert on narcissism. 

Today, we’ll delve into the five little-known red flags of a covert narcissist. If you’re interested in learning more about these signs, consider bookmarking the website to stay updated.

I. Recognizing Covert Narcissists’ Communication Habits

When you talk to a narcissist on the phone, it can be unsettling. At first, they might seem interested in your conversation or how your day was. But suddenly, they start talking to someone else, as if they’ve completely forgotten about you. 

Their tone and attitude change suddenly, leaving you waiting and hoping for them to come back to you. 

When they finally return to your conversation, they might apologize, but it feels insincere. 

This behavior shows their selfish nature, where they prioritize themselves over you. 

They might make you feel important at times, but really, you’re just a way for them to fulfill their own needs. 

They don’t care about your feelings and might brush off any concerns you have as unimportant. While some people with ADHD might get distracted like this, it’s important to look at the bigger picture to recognize covert narcissism accurately.

II. Covert Narcissists Undermine Your Happiness for Their Own Gain

When you share good news with them, they often seem uninterested and quickly change the subject, sometimes even focusing on their pets instead. 

It’s like they can’t handle your happiness unless it’s about them. 

Or they might suddenly start talking about their own problems, making the atmosphere heavy and taking away from your joy. 

Feeling constantly confused around someone is a red flag that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist. 

They struggle to deal with your happiness if it doesn’t involve them directly. 

Instead of being happy for your achievements, they might try to make you feel guilty or sad, even if you deserve to celebrate. 

I remember when my friend got a new job and happily told their partner about it. But then, their partner, who seems to always make everything about themselves, started crying and talking about their own problems. 

It made everyone wonder why they couldn’t just be happy for their partner. This kind of behavior is a sign of covert narcissism.

III. Covert Narcissists’ Subtle Demeaning Behavior

You might aware them making fun of you or laughing at you when you’re talking to them face-to-face. They subtly put you down, make you feel like your experiences don’t matter, or act like your achievements aren’t important. 

Even though they don’t say it directly, their facial expressions show that they don’t approve or think they’re better than you. 

For example, if you mention your salary, they might smirk as if it’s not important. 

Sometimes, you might catch them laughing at you, thinking you’re foolish or naive. 

They enjoy making you feel small and unsure about yourself by using these subtle expressions. Despite seeming nice, they’re actually not your friends, they’re engaging in covert narcissism.

IV. Covert Narcissists Gather Information to Manipulate You

They might seem like they’re listening, but their intentions aren’t sincere. Instead of genuinely taking in what you’re saying, they’re like predators, gathering information to use against you later. 

That’s why I call it predatory listening. 

Unlike typical narcissists who love the sound of their own voice, these covert narcissists simply stare at you. 

They’ll keep intense eye contact, nod, and make gestures that appear caring, making you feel connected. 

But it’s all a mask. 

They’ll lift you up, only to bring you crashing down when it suits them, leaving you feeling broken. 

It’s painful to see their true nature when they devalue you. 

They’re not listening to understand, they’re listening to find ways to manipulate you. 

If you suspect someone is a narcissist, try sharing a minor painful experience and observe how they use it against you. They’ll pretend to help, only to later shift the blame onto you for any relationship issues, completely avoiding responsibility.

V. Beware of Covert Narcissists’ Deceptive Eye Contact

A covert narcissist will stare deeply into your eyes, making you feel like they understand you on a spiritual level. But be cautious, especially if they seem overly spiritual, encountering a spiritual narcissist can be particularly challenging. 

They can cause significant emotional harm. 

While it may seem like they’re connecting with you, they’re actually searching for your weaknesses to exploit.

It’s like they’re scanning your soul with mechanical precision.

Their eyes lack genuine empathy, instead they feel more like a dark force manipulating you. 

They use eye contact to create a false sense of intimacy, only to withdraw affection later. Covert narcissists also use subtle tactics like backhanded compliments to undermine you. 

It’s like being tricked with sweet poison, leaving you confused and hurt. Dealing with a narcissist can be confusing and challenging.

Wrap it up

If you often feel down, frustrated, drained, confused, small, worried, or scared around someone, they might be a covert, vulnerable narcissist. That wraps up this article. Keep healing and moving forward.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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