If someone often ignores, makes you feel small, or weakens your confidence, it could mean they’re trying to manipulate you.

Have you ever felt exhausted, confused, or unsure after talking to someone? Do you find yourself tiptoeing around certain friends, afraid to speak your mind? If so, you might be dealing with someone who’s a bit manipulative. 

Today, let’s talk about five red flags that show you’re caught up with someone like that.

Emotionally manipulative people use tricks to control others’ thoughts, feelings, and actions for their own benefit. These tricks can be obvious or sneaky and often take advantage of others’ weaknesses and emotions.

It’s hard because lots of us grew up in homes where we learned to handle other people’s feelings. 

This can make us feel like we have no choice but to do what others want. We might feel guilty for saying no or feel like we have to say yes. But sometimes, it’s not about what they’re doing; it’s about how we learned to deal with others’ feelings.

If you recognize any of this, stay tuned. I’ll provide some questions later to help you figure out if it’s you or them. Now, let’s discuss the five red flags of emotionally manipulative people. I’ll give examples to help you recognize them in your own life.

First Sign, Guilt Tripping.

People who manipulate others often use guilt trips. They try to make you feel bad for their feelings or actions, even when it’s not your fault. They do this by exploiting your empathy, sense of responsibility, and desire for harmony. 

Instead of just asking for what they want, they use guilt to make you do it.

Here’s a situation to think about, you’ve planned to spend the weekend with your friends, but when your partner finds out, they get upset. They make you feel guilty by saying, “You’re choosing your friends over me.”

Here’s how it might go, “I always cancel my own plans for you, but it seems like you don’t care.” They might even remind you of favors they’ve done for you, making you feel like you owe them and guilty for wanting to spend time with others. 

In this situation, your partner is trying to make you feel bad for their feelings and actions. They want you to cancel your plans and prioritize them by making you feel guilty for wanting to be with friends.

Second Sign, Playing the Victim.

Another thing to watch out for is when someone always acts like they’re the one who’s been treated unfairly in every situation. Manipulative people often make themselves out to be victims to avoid taking responsibility and get sympathy. 

As humans, we naturally feel bad for those who are suffering. 

When someone plays the victim, they often exaggerate their problems to make others feel sorry for them. 

They do this to get us to do what they want without asking us directly.

Imagine a mom, Sari, and her adult daughter, Maya, having a disagreement. Maya tells her mom she’s upset about how she treated her boyfriend and wishes she could just be happy for her. 

Instead of understanding Maya, Sari talks about her own problems. 

She tells Maya about hurting her ankle last week and going to Urgent Care alone, crying about the pain and cost. Sari ignores Maya’s concerns and only talks about her own issues. 

It might seem silly, but it shows how hard it can be to hold someone accountable when they play the victim. 

Manipulative people use this victim role to avoid facing problems. 

So, you might hesitate to speak up about your frustrations, fearing you’ll seem unkind. This way, the manipulative person makes you feel bad for them without taking responsibility for their actions.

Third Sign: Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is when someone messes with your mind, making you doubt what you know and feel. They do it to make you unsure of yourself. The term comes from a play and movie called Gaslight, where a husband tricks his wife into thinking she’s losing her mind by adjusting the lights in their home.

I have lots of articles about gaslighting, such as medical gaslighting, signs you might be gaslighting yourself, and signs your parents are gaslighting you. Let’s talk about an example of gaslighting.

Imagine two good friends, Ali and Joko. Recently, Ali noticed some troubling behavior from Joko, like canceling plans last minute and making mean jokes. 

One day, Ali finally talks to Joko about it, explaining how these actions bother him. But Joko doesn’t admit to anything. 

Instead, Joko tells Ali, “What are you talking about? I was just joking, and I didn’t say it like that. You’re making things up and being too sensitive, blaming me for things I didn’t even do.

In this situation, Joko is using several sneaky tricks to mess with Ali’s mind. 

He says Ali is too sensitive and denies that he said anything wrong. Joko also acts like Ali is making a big deal out of nothing and accuses him of being too sensitive, instead of admitting he did something hurtful. 

He lies about what he said and makes it seem like Ali is overreacting. By calling Ali too sensitive, Joko makes him doubt himself and feel bad about his feelings and thoughts.

In this friendship, Joko’s sneaky behavior messed with Ali’s feelings and thoughts, so he couldn’t make Joko admit to his actions or control how things go in the friendship. Recognizing these tricks can help Ali set boundaries, get support from trusted people, and speak up for himself in the friendship.

Fourth sign, Emotional blackmail.

Emotional blackmail is when someone uses threats, guilt, or pressure to control how someone acts. They take advantage of the other person’s feelings, weaknesses, and fears to get what they want. 

They might say they’ll stop showing love or support unless the person does what they say. 

Some might even threaten to hurt themselves if they don’t get their way.

Imagine your friend says they’ll end your friendship if you don’t lend them money, even though you’re struggling financially. 

They say if you really cared, you’d help. 

This makes you feel trapped and guilty. Instead of asking nicely and understanding your situation, they use your care for them and your friendship to get what they want.

Fifth Sign, Love bombing.

Love bombing happens when someone gives us a lot of attention and affection, especially at the start of a relationship. It can also occur in an existing relationship when they want something new from us. 

It’s not easy to spot because, honestly, we all like attention and presents. 

It can make us drop our guard and be more willing to do what they ask.

Here’s a story, Lily meets Michael on a dating app, and they hit it off right away. Michael showers Lily with attention, compliments, and gifts, texting her constantly to express his love. Within a week, he’s talking about moving in together and making big plans. 

He treats Lily to fancy dinners, surprises her with gifts, and introduces her to his family and friends as his soulmate. 

At first, Lily feels special and happy, thinking she’s found the perfect guy. But as time goes on, she starts feeling suffocated by Michael’s constant attention and pressure. 

Despite her efforts to set boundaries, Michael becomes possessive and manipulative, using guilt to keep her close. 

Lily realizes Michael’s love bombing was just a way to control her, not genuine love. His excessive affection was a tactic to manipulate and control Lily in the relationship.

Wrap it up

These are five things to watch out for if you’re trying to spot emotional manipulation. But feeling manipulated doesn’t always mean someone is intentionally manipulating us. 

Sometimes, it’s because of our past experiences, insecurities, or sensitivities. 

Our personal history and relationships affect how we perceive things, making us see innocent actions as manipulative. 

Past traumas can also make us more sensitive to certain behaviors, even if they’re not meant to manipulate us. And our own struggles, like low self-esteem or fear of conflict, can make us feel manipulated even when there’s no manipulation. 

For example, we might feel gaslit if we haven’t expressed our feelings and someone ignores our passive-aggressive behavior like it’s not important.

It’s important to tell the difference between real manipulation and our own reactions. 

If we often feel emotionally manipulated, even when it might not be true, it’s a good idea to seek help. 

Here are some questions to think about if you’re feeling manipulated but not sure: 

Is it them or is it me? 

Do I always put others’ needs first? 

Putting others before ourselves all the time might mean we’re too dependent on them or too eager to please. 

Sometimes, we end up doing things we didn’t want to, feeling stuck even though we agreed, because we care more about others’ needs than our own.

Do I often feel like I need to fix others’ feelings or problems? 

If I’m always trying to solve their issues or feeling overly responsible for their emotions, it could be a sign of codependency. This tendency might stem from my past or family dynamics while growing up. 

When I talk to this person, do I start doubting myself or what’s real? 

If I feel confused, invalidated, or like I’m being manipulated after our conversations, they might be emotionally manipulative.

Am I being made to do things I don’t want to? 

If I always feel like I have to do what someone else wants or if they make me feel guilty or pressured, it could be a sign they’re manipulating me, especially if it only happens in this one relationship.

Do I feel good and respected in this relationship, or do I feel controlled and put down? 

Consider how the relationship impacts you overall. 

Healthy relationships should promote respect, freedom, and support, while manipulative situations often involve control and an uneven balance of power.

Am I able to set and stick to rules in this relationship? 

If it’s hard for me to establish boundaries or I feel bad when I stand up for myself, it might mean I’m too dependent. 

But if the other person keeps crossing my lines or gets upset when I assert them, it could be a sign they’re manipulating me.

Do I feel listened to and respected in this relationship, or do I feel ignored and forgotten? 

Healthy relationships involve honest conversations, acknowledgment, and mutual understanding. If I frequently feel dismissed, belittled, or invalidated by the other person, it could be a sign of manipulation.

What was it like for you to answer those questions? 

Was it tough? 

Did you feel guilty or ashamed about your answers? 

It’s important to check our relationships often to make sure they’re still good for us, especially when we’re trying to grow and change for the better.

If you have any more questions, just ask them in the comments. Also, I was thinking about talking about emotionally manipulative parents. 

Would you like that? Let me know in the comments. And don’t forget to keep up with our future discussions on this topic.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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