On the internet, a lot of people talk about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Some share their own stories, and writers like me also contribute. But there are also a bunch of wrong ideas floating around that can be hurtful, stigmatizing, and untrue. So, let’s clear things up by sharing six true facts about BPD.

First point In a book from 1995 called “Disorders of Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond,” Theodore Millon talked about four different ways that Borderline Personality Disorder can show up.

In one type, called “discouraged” or “quiet” BPD, people feel really scared of being left alone, even if it’s not likely to happen. 

They might cling to others a lot, try too hard to please them, and just go along with whatever’s happening. This type often struggles with depending too much on others and not having clear personal boundaries. 

People dealing with this kind of BPD often feel like they’re not good enough and see themselves in a negative way. 

They might hurt themselves or have thoughts about hurting themselves.

Another type is impulsive BPD. People with this kind tend to do things without thinking first. They might spend money quickly, eat a lot at once, hurt themselves, or do risky stuff like having unsafe sex or using drugs. 

They might also seem more outgoing, friendly, and like being noticed. 

People with impulsive BPD often have lots of energy, get bored easily, and might get mad more often.

The third type is self-destructive BPD. In this type, we often do things that hurt ourselves and our relationships, sometimes without even knowing it. This could mean thinking about hurting ourselves or feeling empty inside. 

Like the impulsive type, we might also do risky things, but these are usually more about hurting ourselves or others emotionally. 

Sometimes, we hurt ourselves on purpose just to feel something, especially when life feels boring. We might also get very mad and bitter about life.

The last type he mentioned is called petulant BPD. It’s all about having big mood swings. People with this type can get angry or sad really fast. These mood changes usually don’t last long, but sometimes they can last for days. 

We’re hard to figure out and get annoyed easily. 

We might act passive-aggressive and get really mad about small stuff. Sometimes we’ll love someone one minute and then hate them the next. 

We tend to complain a lot. People might say we’re really stubborn, and we often feel torn between wanting to be with others and wanting to be alone because we’re scared of being left behind.

If you’ve ever thought that what your therapist or the internet says about BPD doesn’t match how you feel, it might be because you’ve only heard about one type of BPD, not all four.

Point number two in BPD, self-injury isn’t always a cry for help or a suicide attempt. 

Many of us do it to let out emotional pain. Some use it as a distraction, while others see it as a way to care for themselves, something they missed growing up. 

For many, it’s a routine stemming from childhood neglect, where tending to wounds becomes an act of self-love. 

But it’s often misunderstood and stigmatized. 

People feel ashamed or get laughed at, or they might even end up in the hospital if it’s mistaken for a suicide attempt. 

We need to talk more openly about why it happens and make safety agreements with loved ones and professionals. Also, not everyone with BPD self-injures, which is why it was recognized in the DSM-5 in 2013.

Point number three, People with BPD aren’t good at manipulating others. 

Many on my research people with BPD have been called manipulative, which makes them feel really bad. But the truth is, we’re just really scared of being left alone. 

We pay close attention to how others feel because we’re afraid of being rejected. 

This can make us text or check social media a lot, and we might overthink conversations. 

It’s all because we’re so afraid of being alone. 

Sometimes we might do things to get attention, but it’s not because we want to hurt anyone, it’s just because we’re desperate to feel safe in our relationships. Therapy, especially dialectical behavior therapy, gives us helpful ways to manage our feelings without messing up our relationships.

Point number four, BPD can be managed. 

Once, I told a colleague that I thought BPD was treatable. He laughed, which disappointed me. Maybe BPD wasn’t understood as well back then. 

But I expected better from a psychiatrist still seeing patients. 

This stigma is why we need to stress this fact: BPD can be managed with therapy and tools. Is it curable? No, but we treat it like we do the common cold and move forward. 

With BPD, we can learn to recognize our symptoms and pause before acting on them. DBT, CBT, schema therapy, and trauma treatments can all help. 

Find what works for you, and know that your BPD symptoms don’t have to control your life forever.

Point number five, BPD often comes from trauma. 

That’s why many of its symptoms are like PTSD, especially complex PTSD. But remember, the fear of being abandoned, real or imagined, is unique to BPD. When we talk about trauma, we think of how we might fight, run away, freeze, or try to please. 

This happens in BPD too. I believe my patients with BPD act the way they do because they’re always stressed and on edge, just like my PTSD patients. That’s why I call them “emotional burn victims.” 

We feel everything really strongly, so even small things can set us off. 

When we’re stressed, we don’t think things through, and we react without thinking to protect ourselves. 

Knowing that BPD often comes from trauma can help those who love someone with BPD understand better. 

It lets them see the reasons behind the behavior and feel more caring. It’s not about them but it’s about past experiences, usually from childhood. 

We might feel deep down that we’re not lovable and that you’ll leave us eventually. Combine that with our sensitivity, and you’ll understand why we react strongly to everything you say.

Point number six, Many symptoms in those with BPD come from our deep fear of being abandoned, whether real or imagined. 

Let me explain how someone with BPD might think in their relationships. Let’s say it’s morning, I wake up and the first thing I do is check if you texted me. 

If you did, great! You get a good morning and a response from me. Having you in my life makes me happy, and I want you to know that. 

But if you didn’t text me, I feel ignored and hurt. 

I might ignore you until you text me back, hoping you’ll realize you hurt me. Even if I try to have a good day, I keep checking my phone, getting angrier and more impatient with each minute you don’t respond. 

I worry something happened to you or that I upset you somehow. I debate whether to text you again or wait, afraid of seeming clingy or scaring you away. 

But what if you’re waiting to hear from me? My emotions swing from anger to jealousy to sadness to self-hatred. 

Maybe I even consider cutting you out of my life altogether. 

Then, suddenly, you respond, and I act like nothing happened. I’m ashamed of my thoughts and feelings, but this is how I feel. 

When we’re always afraid of being left, we become overly sensitive to every action, sometimes pushing people away or acting impulsively to avoid abandonment. 

This can explain our self-destructive behavior and impulsiveness. 

We might lash out, constantly ask if you still like us, and sadly, sometimes, our fear of abandonment drives people away, the very thing we were trying to avoid.

Wrap it up

When you look at how people with BPD behave, you’ll see it’s all about being scared of being left alone. What’s important to know is that this fear can come from thinking someone will leave us, even if it’s not true. 

It’s about how we see it. 

And because BPD can show up in four different ways, it might make us stay away from others, avoid romantic relationships, and keep friends far away. 

It’s our way of protecting ourselves from feeling abandoned.

Keeping this in mind can help us understand BPD better and why people behave as they do. 

I know there are a lot of misunderstandings and stigma around borderline personality disorder, and I hope this has made things clearer for you. 

If you think there’s something else I should have mentioned, feel free to share it in the comments below.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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