There are many differences, and I’ll get straight to it. First, you have the ability to love. You can love, you do love, you can fall in love, and you genuinely want the best for the people you care about.

Narcissists can’t truly love, they pretend to love you with a fake display meant to trap you in a toxic bond. During the initial “LOVE BOMB” phase, they shower you with affection that feels perfect but is actually a lie.

Before meeting a narcissist, if you went through this intense affection, you probably felt a mix of highs and lows like never before.

It was a roller coaster they designed exciting highs followed by crushing lows.

This shows a big difference between you and them: you can love genuinely, they can’t. They don’t even love themselves, they just put up with themselves.

Another difference is empathy, if you’re here you likely have empathy. Narcissists lack this completely, they use your kindness for their own benefit.

Maybe you’re an empath yourself.

If some people doubt empaths exist, they should know narcissism is real. It’s at one extreme, at the other, you’ll find people like me empaths who’ve learned to handle this tough situation through experience and learning.

Understanding Their Manipulation of Empathy and Pursuit of Chaos

Narcissists are attracted to people with empathy, because they lack it themselves. They may act like they care, but their goal is to use up all your kindness. This often happens in relationships where, as an empath, you give a lot and find it hard to set limits, as I used to write about in my articles.

The narcissist tries to take away your strengths like your love and empathy.

They think, “If this person has things I don’t, how can I make them like me?” Their plan is to drain your positive energy and empathy, leaving you feeling lost and unsure of who you are.

Once they find someone new to replace you, they discard you.

This isn’t to upset you, but it’s what narcissists do. Another big difference between you and them is that narcissists don’t like stability. They prefer drama, constant changes, and causing problems. They thrive on chaos, lies, manipulation, and breaking down what’s important to you.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Manipulation, Healing and Self-Discovery

You want stability, where people support each other through tough times. Narcissists, however, want to bring others down emotionally. They do this consistently, often trapping people in toxic relationships without them realizing it. Some enter these relationships unaware, while others suddenly find themselves discarded, their lives turned upside down.

Like you, they’ll need to look deep and learn about narcissism, seeking answers amidst confusion.

This journey, similar to yours, is about understanding.

A big difference between you and narcissists is how they resist your healing and understanding.

They prefer to keep you stuck in self-doubt and confusion, manipulating you into questioning yourself and the relationship. These thoughts consume you, fulfilling the narcissist’s desires.

Reflecting on what could have been different like standing up for yourself or setting boundaries leads to uncertain outcomes. It might have prolonged the relationship, but at a greater personal cost, continuing the cycle of abuse.

Recognizing Narcissistic Tactics and Finding Power in Knowledge

Imagine you were in a relationship where, if you hadn’t taken action to leave, you might have stayed a few more months, even another year. In our community, people often wonder, “Could I have done more Ryan? Should I have stayed quiet instead of confronting them?” The truth is, speaking up was necessary because something inside you was breaking.

And that’s not even considering how the narcissist was actively trying to break the relationship.

If you had stayed longer, who knows where you’d be now? Would you have recognized the toxicity, healed, or understood narcissism? It’s hard to say.

That’s why I often reflect and think: Would I have been discarded eventually? Yes, but probably not right away, it would have likely happened later.

Deep down, we both felt something was wrong back then, but we didn’t know about narcissism or the terms used to describe their behavior.

Now, we understand terms like gaslighting, the silent treatment, triangulation (which I really don’t like), smear campaigns, object constancy, rage outbursts, verbal and mental abuse, all these ideas. We’re learning, and this knowledge gives us strength.

The Importance of Blocking Narcissists and Moving Forward

You could have extended the relationship by staying silent and doing what the narcissist wanted. But in the end, that relationship was bound to break down. Every relationship has its limits, and now we recognize that.

Once we identify a relationship as toxic, why stay in it?

The narcissist doesn’t want you to heal or understand narcissism. Another big difference between you and the narcissist is about blocking. Many people worry about blocking a narcissist, but let me tell you, blocking them is crucial.

In the past, the narcissist didn’t want you to block them, they might even manipulate you by blocking you first to control the situation and cause more harm, denying you access.

But what often happens? Maybe not always, but frequently enough, after some time, when you’ve let your guard down, the narcissist unblocks you and tries to pull you back in (HOOVERING). They want to see if you’re still vulnerable or if you’ve figured out who they really are, please consider what I’m sharing with you.

The Power of Blocking Narcissists and Breaking the Cycle

That’s why it’s so important to block them. And here’s a tip for you, if the narcissist blocked you on social media or your phone, I strongly — very strongly urge you to block them back immediately. I mean right now, If they blocked you and you haven’t blocked them, they still have control.

They can unblock you anytime to try to draw you back in, drain your energy, bring up the past, and act like an emotional vampire.

That’s why I recommend blocking them and cutting off contact completely, removing them and anyone associated with them from your life. The narcissist didn’t want you to block them. Why? Because they wanted to keep control over you.

Remember, narcissists are stuck in a cycle that never ends.

I know it’s really tough for many people after a narcissistic relationship to grasp that the person they loved was trapped in this cycle and pulled them into it too.

But that’s how these people operate. They start with showering you with love, then treat you poorly, end the relationship, and sometimes try to suck you back in.

Remember, never fall for their attempts to draw you back in. I won’t go into detail, you shouldn’t either. This is the cycle the narcissist is stuck in, unable to escape.

Narcissistic Selfishness VS Empathic Care and Boundaries

Narcissists are always seeking new things to satisfy themselves like new people, experiences, hobbies, or groups. They find pleasure in pets, money, or even in seeing others suffer. Their life is full of ups and downs because they avoid stability. Instead of lifting others up, they prefer to bring them down.

This is what sets you apart from them.

Narcissists only care about themselves, not others. In contrast, you care about everyone, including narcissists from your past when you didn’t understand narcissism.

Now that you know better, you’ve set boundaries. You’re now an informed empath, you are awake, strong, and aware that you deserve to come first in your life. There’s no room left for narcissistic people, whether they’re family, friends, colleagues, or anyone else.

These individuals are selfish because they only look out for themselves.

Another big difference between you and a narcissist is that they use “flying monkeys” helpers and supporters to target and mistreat others.

They use these allies to exclude people from events or trips, for example. When a narcissist targets someone, they tell their allies to ignore or avoid that person.

Recognizing Dependence and Reassessing Relationships Post-Narcissism

Understand what I’m saying. If any of those enablers or flying monkeys don’t do what the narcissist wants, they’ll be targeted next. They’ll be thrown under the bus. That’s why narcissists surround themselves with people who are easily influenced, who can’t make their own decisions, and who just follow the narcissist.

They look for dependents people who listen without question and can’t speak up for themselves.

That’s the big difference, you don’t operate like that. Now, think about yourself after dealing with a narcissistic relationship.

I bet you’ve slowed down your life. You’re either setting boundaries and healing or you’re already healed. But you’ve definitely looked again at those so-called “FRIENDS” and family.

After the narcissistic relationship, you found that moment to learn you found that needle in the haystack.

Discovering what narcissism is pushed you to improve yourself. As you learned about narcissism, you started to think about other relationships.

You asked yourself, “Do these people support me? Are they really there for me, or do they only come when they want something like money, rides, or gifts without giving back on important days like birthdays or vacations?”

Gaining Clarity and Emotional Strength After Narcissistic Healing

Once you realize this has been happening all your life, you start to slow down. You realize you don’t need many people, you find joy in simple things like reading at home, taking classes, teaching, writing, traveling, making new friends, falling in love again, or just living life.

You definitely don’t need the narcissist. You never did, and you never will.

That’s why, after coming through the narcissistic cycle like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you see the world with a fresh perspective a way most people can’t understand.

You might wonder, “Why is it so meaningful for those who have healed or are healing?” It’s because we’ve been through it. We not only survived but also healed, aiming for or already achieving emotional clarity and detachment.

Now, this is how we see the world. We see things as they truly are.

We can spot problems right away, sense toxicity from far away, and understand someone’s feelings with just a look or a talk. It’s like a superpower we didn’t expect to gain because Narcissism wasn’t part of our education, we never saw this coming

Embracing Growth and Recognizing Narcissistic Patterns

But here you are, rising strong like a phoenix from the ashes. You’re now in the best version of yourself, the strongest, most resilient version possible. It’s like breathing in rarefied air, there’s ample space for you to achieve what I and many others have.

There’s no room for toxic people, especially not narcissists.

The world is open for those who have healed or are deeply reflecting on their healing journey. Now, let’s talk about when a narcissistic relationship ends.

Typically, the narcissist moves on to new sources of attention, sometimes many.

Meanwhile, you might have missed them or rather, missed what you thought you had or never truly did.

But as you process and practice radical acceptance, you slow down and realize something important: that new supply isn’t necessarily better off than you.

They might even be a narcissist themselves or just a pawn in the narcissist’s game. They could be enduring worse treatment than you, especially as the narcissist ages and possibly becomes an aging narcissist, which isn’t pleasant.

Narcissists get worse over time, they don’t improve.

They thrive on causing pain, whether directly or indirectly. They don’t build or nurture, instead they use money to manipulate their own family members, past and present.

This is another clear difference between you and the narcissist.

You’re not following that path. Instead, you’re gracefully growing older, proud of the wisdom and experiences you’ve gained. Narcissists, however, continue their facade, always seeking more attention and perpetuating their cycle of manipulation and lies.

Recognizing Manipulative Tactics in Narcissistic Behavior

The aging narcissist often uses their money to manipulate and exploit others, especially as they get older. If they’re wealthy, they might refuse to give money unless family members visit them or do what they want. They could also hold money back from their children or grandchildren unless these family members obey their demands.

On the other hand, if they’re not well-off, they might play the victim to guilt-trip their kids, saying things like, “I gave you life and raised you, what’s your problem? You owe me everything.”

That’s why it’s crucial to stay away from aging narcissists.

They don’t get better with age, instea, they become more manipulative and demanding. These are just a few things that set you apart from a narcissist.

Another example is their lack of honesty or genuineness.

In workplaces, for example, there are often bullies who aren’t sincere. Similarly, on platforms like Medium, some people report my work and falsely claim I use AI to generate content ideas for my articles. There are even false accusations that I artificially inflate earnings, which isn’t true.

Those who have spoken with me know that my words and energy flow naturally, guided by something higher that I call God.

It’s always been this way, and I’m thankful for this natural flow.

When someone accuses me of using AI or questions my methods, I find it funny. They’re likely projecting their own narcissistic traits, trying to provoke me. But I’m not affected by their tactics, I can see through them. It’s just another example of narcissistic behavior in action.

Another example is the workplace bully or the toxic narcissistic boss.

They make you work for or with them, taking credit for your work like it’s their own. They reward themselves with trips, promotions, or better offices while giving you nothing in return.

They often string you along with false promises of future rewards if you keep working hard.

Before I finish, It’s crucial to understand what sets you apart from a narcissist, they’re like night and day. The narcissist represents darkness, you shine as brightly as day.

They operate negatively, you radiate positivity.

They’re drawn to you like moths to a flame, wanting to drain your energy, beauty, intelligence, empathy, and love, everything that defines you. Their goal is to keep you under their control in an abusive cycle.

Wrap it up

But you’ve broken free, or you’re on your way to freedom. That’s what matters here. I hope you found this article valuable, I really enjoyed writing it for you. This is Ryan signing off, true change begins with a spark.

Actions speak louder than words.

Narcissism is common, setting boundaries is crucial. You are completely different from a narcissist. They tried to drain your energy and undermine everything that makes you who you are — financially, mentally, emotionally every way possible. But they didn’t succeed.

You’re still here, engaging with this community, revitalizing your spirit, and helping others. You know your true worth, and despite their efforts, they couldn’t break you. In fact, you’ve not just survived but you’ve thrived.

This is why you’re different from narcissists.

They live in darkness, always trying to steal others’ energy and dim their bright light just as they tried with you, just as they tried with me.

Now, we have boundaries. We can confidently say no, which is one of the strongest things we can do. When we say no to something or someone, we’re saying yes to ourselves.

Read this article again whenever you need to, and share its message. If today is tough, remember, where you are now won’t be where you are in three months, or a year. Keep moving forward every day.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

Now I am posting here on Medium only on Fridays and Saturdays.

You can join me on Substack: https://ryanhwa.substack.com/

I post daily on Substack, starting with articles and audio podcasts. (Coming soon for audio podcast)

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