This means not allowing any chance for the narcissist, or narcissists, to re-enter your life.
Imagine closing all doors tightly, so the narcissist can’t reach you through texts, emails, voice messages, or calls. They’ll realize you’re still figuring out how to cut them off completely. Maybe you’re still caught up in the pain they cause.
But once you understand the advice and tools I share here and in our community, it clicks.
You’ll recognize you’ve endured too much verbal abuse, manipulation, and lies. Now you see their tricks clearly. Whether it’s family or close friends, you’ll realize they won’t change, they only get worse.
Narcissists feed off your energy, you were their light source.
But your energy should be for you or those who truly care about you. Don’t let them keep using you to feed their toxic behavior.
Maybe you never learned about narcissism before, or maybe you grew up with it around you. Now you know there are toxic people out there who envy you, maybe even wish they were you.
How Narcissists Manipulate Through Lies, Misdirection, and Selective Memory
Sometimes, there are people who try to come between you and what’s important in your life. Then there are those who spread lies, For example they might know the truth but lie to you on purpose.
Imagine being allergic to crabs, and someone says a dish is safe when it actually has crabs, clearly trying to harm you.
Or they might give you wrong directions on purpose, like telling you to turn right when you need to turn left. They might get upset if it’s their emergency but ignore or confuse you when you need help.
They might even conveniently forget things when it’s convenient for them, pretending they can’t remember.
Narcissists listen closely but only respond to what suits them.
They remember everything you say and can use it against you later. They might bring up a small mistake from years ago, like a spot you missed something they asked to you do, just to criticize you unfairly.
Recognizing the Need for No Contact with Narcissists
I emphasize that some people, especially narcissists, don’t care about your well-being. That’s why it’s important to cut off all communication with them. That’s why I always recommend going no contact in my articles like block them, delete them, and remove anyone associated with them.
I understand if you can’t do this right away.
Maybe you’re still connected to the narcissist. Perhaps you’re finishing your education and relying on their financial support, so you feel stuck.
Or maybe you’re waiting until you land a job.
Whatever the reason, once you realize these toxic individuals. whether family, friends, coworkers, or community members aren’t looking out for your well-being, every moment counts.
In the past, you may not have fully understood the situation. Now, you’re having those “aha” moments. You recognize that you deserve to prioritize yourself without accommodating the narcissist.
Even if you’ve moved or started fresh on social media, there’s still a chance they could find you. Whether they actively search for you or not, the risk remains.
Letting Go and Spotting Narcissistic Behavior
Sometimes people often tell me, “Ryan, can you believe the narcissist tried to reconnect after all this time, whether it’s been a week, a month, a year, or even a decade?” Yes, I can believe it. The narcissist used to think they owned you, that you’d never break free from their control, and that you’d always believe their false image.
But you’ve healed or are getting better.
You’re aiming for indifference, where you no longer care about the narcissist or anyone from your past with them.
Now, you understand how important your time, empathy, and health are.
When you cut ties with the narcissist, your strength and resources come back. That’s when your health improves, your mind clears up, friends come back, and your energy returns.
You’ve learned that keeping away from the narcissistic relationship is vital for your well-being.
For many, especially those recently out of such relationships, accepting this truth can be hard.
They might still feel attached because of the trauma bond, thinking the narcissist once cared. But the truth is, the narcissist never cared, doesn’t now, and never will.
It’s a harsh truth, but it’s real. Remember, the narcissist is not your friend, they’re your opponent. They thrive on bullying and fear, not on supporting you.
Recognizing and Overcoming the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
The narcissist rarely supports you when you need them, yet they expect you to drop everything for them. That’s why, in your relationship with them, you ended up always apologizing.
Being the walking apology meant constantly cleaning, running errands, and doing everything possible to please them.
If they had a rage outburst or blamed you for something, you’d apologize even for things you didn’t do to smooth things over and avoid more problems.
But now, we don’t tolerate that anymore.
You also became their unpaid helper, doing things for them even if it meant sacrificing your own needs.
This included cooking, cleaning, managing bills, driving them around, fueling their car, planning vacations, and pretending to be happy when you weren’t.
You had to guess their mood while they scrutinized yours. You never knew if you’d meet the calm side or the angry side of them.
But that’s a topic for another discussion.
All these experiences are part of the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Hopefully, you’re now moving past it, healing, learning, growing, and becoming more aware, educated, and empowered.
Understanding How Narcissists Try to Return
Now you understand that even leaving a door slightly open allows a narcissist or any narcissist to come right back in. They just need to think of you. For example, if they move on to someone new but that person doesn’t meet their expectations, they might turn back to you.
This is just a possibility, and I hope it hasn’t happened to you or won’t happen.
If you’ve cut off contact, someone might mention you to the narcissist. They might remember how you supported them and were a stable part of their life, echoing what Ryan talks about on his articles.
What do they do then? They’ll check if you’re still blocked everywhere. If not, they might send a simple message like “Hi,” “Are you okay?”, “Missing you,” or “Thinking of you.”
They might even send a gift or text right before your birthday, a holiday, or another special occasion, saying they’re thinking of you.
Again, this is just a scenario, and I hope it hasn’t happened to you or won’t happen.
But once you’re on the narcissist’s mind, they might think, “I can pull them back in,” especially if you haven’t cut contact or blocked them. If any way to communicate remains open, they’ll use it not necessarily to restart the relationship, but to keep you stuck emotionally, thinking about the past, and wondering if they’ve changed.
Finding Your Way After Narcissistic Relationships, From Confusion to Healing
After the relationship ends, it doesn’t matter what the narcissist thinks. Once you’ve healed, you realize it was like being lost in a confusing maze. You were caught up and trapped in their confusing ways, not knowing how you got in or how to get out because this isn’t something taught in basic daily life.
At first, the narcissist likely showered you with love and attention, trying hard to trap you in their web.
Then they put you in a trance, taking everything from you and making you feel worthless. When the relationship finally ended, however it did, that’s when your journey to healing began.
Before you could heal, though, you had to find answers in all the confusion.
You searched on Google, Youtube, articles or somewhere else, typing in things like “silent treatment,” “rage outbursts,” or “triangulation” whatever you needed to understand.
And you found it all that information, step by step. Many people don’t look for this knowledge.
Many don’t have the strength or desire to face it. But not you. You were curious. You needed to know what happened in that relationship, to satisfy your curiosity, and that’s why you’re here in this community.
Then came that moment of realization a light bulb turning on.
When you realized it was a narcissistic or toxic relationship, you might have sat back, hands on your head, wondering, “How did I miss this? Why didn’t anyone warn me? How did I endure it for so long?” This is why it hurts so much. This is why your way forward involves healing from this relationship.
Understanding Narcissists’ Strategic Planning and Post-Relationship Hoovering
All of this is true because narcissists are fully aware of their actions. They planned their behavior in previous relationships before they met you. They had a strategy for when they started dating you and throughout your relationship.
And they know what they’re doing in their current relationships if they’re still involved.
Narcissists also know that each relationship they have won’t last forever; it will eventually end. The big question is what happens after the relationship ends: if the person cuts off contact and blocks the narcissist, they often find safety and protection.
If not, they might face one, two, or even three attempts from the narcissist to draw them back in.
This is called hoovering.
For those new to my articles, hoovering happens when the narcissist tries to suck you back into the relationship. They test to see if you’ve healed, if you’ve seen through their false front, and if you’re strong enough to say no to them.
Saying No to Narcissists and Yes to Self-Liberation
Remember, when you say no to something or someone, you’re saying yes to yourself. Saying no to the narcissist means setting a boundary. When you block them, it clearly shows you want nothing to do with them.
That’s your path forward.
That’s when your energy comes back, your mind clears up, and you regain focus. You might look back and realize how much you had to handle during that relationship and in your healing process, but here you are.
You’re either feeling totally indifferent or heading in that direction. Either way, your life is now free from narcissistic relationships.
You’ve slowed down, surrounded yourself with boundaries, and taken stock of everyone in your life like family, friends, colleagues, teachers, and even people from your past.
Now, you see the world for what it truly is, not through past lenses. You understand that the narcissistic relationship has changed you, but it’s made you stronger and better than you ever thought possible.
Committing to Deep Healing and Self-Discovery
This stage is what I call your best version. The strongest, most resilient you that exists. Not everyone reaches this point, but you will if you use the tools available in the community and on my articles, and focus deeply on yourself.
Slow down your life within those protective boundaries and practice accepting things as they are. Become calm, centered, strong, committed, resilient, and dedicated to healing. That’s how real healing starts.
Remember, healing isn’t a straight road.
It takes time, a lot of it. But in your own time, you will heal. No one, not even yourself, can say exactly when that will happen. So ignore anyone who claims otherwise.
Your healing journey depends on how much effort you put into yourself, how much time and energy you devote, and how deeply you process your past experiences.
No one is coming to rescue you.
The work ahead is yours alone. Therapy, writing in a journal, meditation, reading, and addressing childhood trauma will all be part of your journey.
While others can offer advice and share their own experiences, especially if they’ve faced narcissistic abuse themselves, ultimately, you must navigate this path with their wisdom as your guide.
Lessons Learned from Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse
There’s a big difference between those who’ve lived through and overcome narcissistic abuse, gained wisdom, and used it, compared to those who give advice without that experience.
Remember these key lessons:
- Never leave any door open for the narcissist, not even slightly.
- Seal every way they could contact you as tight as possible.
When you go no contact and block them, make sure they know nothing about your life like your new relationships, hobbies, studies, or successes.
In the past, you might have shared too much, tried too hard to please, and had trouble setting boundaries or saying no.
You put the narcissist first, which hurted you.
Now we know that approach didn’t lead anywhere good. The narcissist took everything from us like our identity, dreams, money, time, relationships, love, empathy, and trust in people until we healed.
They’ve moved on to new supply.
That’s why we don’t engage with narcissists or toxic people anymore. We strictly avoid contact. We don’t share too much and we watch actions more than words.
Maybe we should adopt a one-strike or two-strike rule instead of the old three-strikes rule. Personally, I shifted to a two-strike rule a while ago, and like many in our group, I’m considering moving to a one-strike rule.
Prioritizing Self-Care and Boundaries
The main thing is to save your energy, time, and everything about you. Take care of yourself first, and if you want to help others, focus on your close friends and family. You’ve become more aware and sensitive to others’ feelings.
You don’t drop everything for strangers anymore like you used to.
Now, you protect yourself and set boundaries. If you feel like helping out, you do it gladly. If not, you say no without feeling guilty or blamed for missing events.
When you were in a relationship with a narcissist, you probably did what they wanted because you were afraid of what would happen if you didn’t obey.
Now that you’re out and getting better, you’re slowing down and focusing on what’s really important to you.
For example, if you want to sleep late tomorrow, go ahead. If staying up until 3:00 a.m. tonight feels right, go for it. Need a break for your mental health? Take a day off and use some vacation time.
Take care of yourself, recharge, and if visiting a friend sounds good, go ahead and do it.
You’re making choices based on what you genuinely want to do, not because you feel obligated, guilty, or pressured. In the past, if you didn’t do what the narcissist wanted, you often faced punishment like being ignored, made to doubt yourself, verbally attacked, blamed, or manipulated.
Wrap it up
Before I finish this article, remember: Shut the door completely. Read this part of the article a few times. Close off all possibilities. If you’ve done everything to distance yourself from a narcissistic relationship and blocking them is the last step, don’t hesitate, just do it.
Don’t worry about them, focus on saving yourself first.
Instead of thinking, “Well Ryan, maybe they’re not so bad,” focus on conserving your energy for yourself. Don’t dwell on past efforts to help them, focus on what you can do now and in the future to help yourself.
This is your path.
So, everyone, that’s the end of the article. This is Ryan, remember true change begins with a spark. I care about you. Shut that door completely.
If the narcissist senses an open line of communication or even a slightly open door, they might try to find a way back into your life.
While it’s a big “IF” I hope the narcissist never has access to you again.
But why take the risk? Do what’s right. Block them everywhere, or whatever else you need to do. Minimize your online presence, just as I do on my Instagram where I post sparingly.
Protect your identity and ensure your safety. Unless you want to share your story on another public platform, like I have for articles, podcasts, or videos.
Don’t give that dark energy an opportunity to come back. Take this message seriously, everyone. That’s the article, read the article a few times and share it with someone who might need it.
I appreciate all of you.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful.
Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!
Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism
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