They ignored your boundaries before, ignore them now, and will keep ignoring them in the future.

Let’s turn the tables, the narcissist has plenty of boundaries but they never let you in on them. You’re kept in the dark about where they are, who they’re with, or what they’re doing.

Narcissists play a lot of games for example like texting games, waiting games, drama games, manipulation games, and boundary games. When you were in that relationship, you had no idea they were a narcissist.

We didn’t learn about that in the past. But eventually, usually after the initial love-bombing phase, you started noticing changes.

You realized you were no longer equals.

You were being controlled, manipulated, trapped, and taught to act according to their rules. Your voice was silenced, especially after the love-bombing phase, because the narcissist didn’t want to hear it.

Think back to the start of that relationship. Everything seemed almost too good to be true. Why? Because it was. Whether it’s a friendship, romance, coworker, or any other connection, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Reflections on Life with a Narcissist, Drained Resources and Lost Identity

You need to replay that message a few times and really let it sink in. Think about it. Remember those times when you bought a gadget from a store, thinking it was a great deal, only to find out it barely worked after a few days? And where was the store clerk? Nowhere to be found once they got your money.

That’s exactly how a narcissist operates.

Absolutely no offense intended to store clerks, but narcissists are similar. They’re never there when you need them, but they expect you to be at their beck and call whenever they need you.

When you were in a relationship with a narcissist, especially during the devaluation stage, you weren’t truly living but you were just existing.

You lost your sense of self and your identity to them.

You didn’t realize it at the time because you didn’t know what you were dealing with. But now you do. During that period, you were drained, your resources were taken, and your spirit was crushed.

Surviving the Narcissist’s Smear Campaign

Once again, the narcissist is taking from you like your time, money, energy, effort, love, empathy, health, and reputation. They’re using a tactic called the smear campaign. If you’re new to this, you might ask, “What’s a smear campaign?”

It’s when the narcissist spreads lies about you to destroy what matters most like your passions, family, children, dreams, and progress.

This is their playbook, what they did while you were with them and what they’re likely doing now with new targets.

Narcissists look for vulnerable people who haven’t faced their harmful ways yet. That used to be you and it was me too.

These people now face a nightmare, like anyone in a narcissistic relationship. If you don’t know the signs of narcissistic abuse, you’re left defenseless, believing the narcissist cared about you and actually they don’t.

Planning Your Exit Strategy

In this article, I want to emphasize the importance of taking decisive steps: go no contact, block the narcissist, remove them from your life, and cut off ties with anyone associated with them.

Planning and executing your exit strategy requires patience and careful thought. It takes courage, resilience, strength, and most importantly, a well-thought-out plan a detailed exit plan.

I just want to help people create effective strategies to leave difficult relationships.

If you’re thinking about leaving a narcissistic partner, I strongly suggest revisiting this section for valuable insights. When you were in that relationship, you might not have fully understood the seriousness of the situation.

Your boundaries were disregarded, and the narcissist took advantage of you. This meant you ended up as an unpaid helper, constantly apologizing, listening to their needs over your own.

You sacrificed a lot.

Maybe you struggled to pay bills while they spent freely, or you ended up in debt for the first time, just like I did in the past. The narcissist continued their harmful behavior, always wanting more. They can never be satisfied, no matter how much they have.

Setting Boundaries and Moving Forward

They’re always looking for the next new thing, an individual who doesn’t realize their own worth, who doesn’t set boundaries, and can’t say “no”. That’s how they operate, they seek out these kinds of people or recycle those who haven’t yet healed or found their own value.

That’s why blocking narcissists or toxic people sends a clear message that you’re done with them.

No explanations, defenses, or arguments needed. You should start focus on protecting yourself and healing within your own limits.

Remember that healing takes time, but with patience and support from this article and our community in Medium, you’ll get there. My hope for you is to reach a point where thoughts of the narcissist or anyone from that time don’t affect you emotionally anymore, you’ve moved on and are looking ahead.

Reclaiming Your Power Back

You’ve always been more positive than them. They managed to hold you captive for a while during the relationship, keeping you in a low-energy state where they thrive, they wanted you just to exist.

They tried to break your boundaries, your spirit, and your belief in yourself and others.

They almost succeeded, didn’t they? They came very close. But they failed, and they failed badly. Look at you now, giving back to the community, taking care of yourself, knowing you are your top priority.

You won’t tolerate mistreatment from narcissists, energy vampires, or anyone else who doesn’t care about your well-being.

Everything I’ve said leads us to the question: why don’t narcissists like boundaries? Let me tell you what it might have been. Maybe it was when you finally stood up to the narcissist, not necessarily calling them out but questioning their actions or behavior.

Seeing Through the Narcissist’s Behavior

You probably started noticing something off about the narcissist, getting closer to understanding their real character. Maybe you questioned their actions, like saying, “This isn’t what I expected” or feeling like your relationship was more about sharing space than being partners.

You might have asked why they were often out late, on trips with friends, or not spending time with family.

Whatever it was, your actions made the narcissist take notice.

In their self-centered world, they realized their facade was slipping and you were seeing the truth.

They had a choice like increase the mistreatment, discard you, and promote a new person from the sidelines or briefly return to showering you with affection to distract from their real self.

This tactic gave them time to groom their next victim for their manipulative games. Eventually, they planned to discard you, the person reading or myself, whenever it suited them.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Manipulative Tactics

When that moment comes, you might think, “Hold on, I was onto something, but look, we just had a great weekend.” It’s like everything you were figuring out just disappears. But let’s be clear that narcissists know exactly what they’re doing, don’t doubt it.

They dress like everyone else, breathe the same air, but when you start seeing who they really are, especially in a relationship, narcissists usually react in two ways.

They either dump you or keep stringing you along because they haven’t gotten everything they want yet.

They might be grooming a new person to replace you.

This pattern repeats in the cycle of narcissistic abuse. they shower you with love, then devalue you, discard you, and sometimes try to suck you back in (that’s called a Hoover). And yes, never fall for a Hoover.

If you’re new to this, a Hoover is when a narcissist tries to pull you back into the relationship, whether it’s for a day, a week, or longer.

It’s a test to see if you’ve seen through their act, if you’re strong enough to cut them off, and if you won’t give in to their tricks.

See them for what they are: weak, empty, and superficial. Understand that the narcissist craves validation, not you. They’re experts at manipulating others into thinking they’re irreplaceable. But remember, you never needed them.

The Decline of Aging Narcissists

They’re like smooth-talking salespeople, convincing others they’re essential, but inside there’s nothing, no responsibility, no accountability, no self-improvement.

Just an empty core hidden by a once-charming exterior.

As narcissists age, they often become a sad sight.

In their later years, their children may avoid them, partners drift away, friends leave, businesses fail, health declines, looks fade, and finances crumble.

They push too hard, trip themselves up, always believing they can handle any situation, narcissists thrive on chaos, confusion, and drama.

The Narcissist’s Drive and Destruction

They’d prefer venturing out in a blizzard at midnight to fetch a bottle of water from a distant store rather than waiting for a clear afternoon to buy it nearby. They thrive on chaos, danger, excitement, and the thrill of unpredictability.

But what really drives them is violating boundaries and wrecking relationships.

They goal to tear down anyone close to them like family, friends, partners, colleagues, customers. For narcissists, it’s all about themselves and money, often putting money above all else.

They don’t care about boundaries, they ignored them when you were together.

They do the same with their new partners, and they will in the future. What was the final straw that ended your relationship? Did you speak up? Did you express discomfort or say their behavior wasn’t okay? Did you say, “This isn’t what I signed up for”?

Taking Advantage of Weakness

If you told the narcissist, “Remember when we first got together? I had savings, a successful business, and no credit card debt. Now I’m buried in debt, my savings are gone, and I might go bankrupt.”

What would they do?

Would they step up to help?

Would they promise to fix things and secure our future?

No chance. Instead, they’d see it as their chance. “Perfect” they’d think, “Now I know how to discard you when I’m ready. I’ll find someone new, maybe with money. I’ll play the victim, blame you, say you’re the problem, and get rid of you whenever I want.” That’s how they operate.

Recognizing the Breaking Point

That’s why the cycle repeats, with the narcissist as the constant. They know it, and we all know it too. When you find yourself in such relationships and see the signs, it’s vital to get out.

Watch for red flags, trust your gut, and follow your instincts.

I suggest making a list of pros and cons about yourself or someone you’re with, past or present. Think about what positives you gained and what didn’t work out.

When you apply this to a narcissistic relationship, the positives are usually few compared to a long list of negatives.

Imagine pages filled with cons, if you’re honest with yourself.

But what was the final straw? What was the last boundary the narcissist violated? Maybe it was when you spoke up, saying, “I’ve been covering gas, your phone bill, electricity, groceries and everything. It’d really help if you could contribute, especially since you earn more than me and claim you’re broke. I’m struggling to pay medical bills because all my money goes to our expenses. Can you chip in?”

Rebuilding After Narcissistic Relationships

If you share your worries with someone honest and caring, they’d understand and support you. But for a narcissist, your vulnerability just gives them a reason to discard you and find a new target.

After a relationship with a narcissist, there are many layers to sort through.

As you distance yourself from them, things slowly get clearer. Your health gets better, money becomes more stable, and your social life and hobbies pick up again.

It takes time for all this to happen though. Step by step as you move away from the narcissist, things start falling back into place.

That’s why many people think about moving to new cities, towns, or even countries. Starting fresh can be crucial to getting away from the toxicity completely. If you can, it might be a good idea to consider making such a move.

Surviving Post-Narcissistic Experiences

After being with a narcissist, everyone’s journey is different. What helps one person might not work for another. But we all go through similar experiences manipulation tactics like triangulation, angry outbursts, verbal attacks, blame-shifting, and more.

These were things we faced without knowing their true meaning.

Now, when we match those experiences with definitions in the narcissistic abuse glossary, we gain wisdom.

Our stories are alike in some ways but unique in details, with the narcissist always in the picture. They can appear in any form, any look, language, or nationality.

That’s why it’s crucial to learn about going no contact and blocking them.

Understand these ideas, share them to empower others, and use them to protect yourself. Sometimes, it’s a small boundary violation that makes the narcissist discard you or end the relationship.

Reflections on Narcissistic Manipulation

The narcissist watched as your health, finances, and relationships fell apart. They ignited the destruction from the moment they came into your life. Looking back at the start of the relationship, you might recall, “It was okay at first. That euphoric love stage lasted so long, and it felt amazing.”

But remember, it was with a toxic person. You can’t just remember the happy times and think it was all worth it.

It wasn’t worth any of it, the abuse, the lies, the manipulation.

In that loving phase, it’s important to see how the narcissist plays mind games, trapping you in their lies and illusions.

That’s why it’s crucial to break free as soon as possible, going no contact is key. Rise above and embrace your true self, shining brightly away from their darkness.

The Narcissist’s Pursuit of Energy

Dealing with a narcissist is like stepping in quicksand, it pulls you down because they thrive on others’ energy. They can’t manage life without constant praise, shifting identities, and jumping from one relationship to another to feel significant.

Narcissistic relationships don’t last because they’re always seeking something new, moving on as if people are replaceable.

They chase after excitement and new interests, always looking for their next “fix” Once upon a time, that was us, and maybe even me. But we’re different. We’re caring, stable, healthy, and kind, a bright contrast to their darkness.

The narcissist saw our good qualities and wanted them for themselves. They were waiting for any chance to take advantage of us, to discard us whenever it suited them. Why? Because they simply don’t care.

Wrap it up

So, everyone, that’s the article. I hope you liked it. I loved sharing it with you. This is Ryan. Remember that true change begins with a spark.

Here’s the bottom line, just setting one boundary, whether it was the last one you tried or the one that stuck, was enough for the narcissist to walk away.

If they dumped you expecting you to do something like that, they were already lining up someone new.

Now, imagine this. You set a boundary and ended things yourself because you had the strength. If that’s what happened, I really admire your strength.

No matter how it went down, what matters is that there was a boundary the narcissist couldn’t handle, so you took action. Something in that relationship broke, and that’s why it ended abruptly, which is typical in toxic relationships like these.

You really need to heal from this relationship.

It’s not just about jumping into new relationships or friendships right away, healing takes time and self-reflection.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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