Let’s discuss the concept of thinking “things will change this time for me dear narcissist” You’ve left the narcissistic relationship. Whether you’re progressing, healing, or already healed, your goal is to achieve complete indifference. You want to reach a place where thoughts about the narcissist or people from your past no longer bother you.

Suddenly, things might seem to be going well. You might find yourself wondering, “Was the relationship really that bad? Was it as terrible as I remember?” Let me assure you: yes, it was. In fact, it was even worse than you might currently recall.

After leaving a narcissistic relationship, as time passes and you start to heal, some memories fade.

You might forget about the toxicity, the gaslighting, the silent treatments, and the explosive arguments. You might not fully remember how extensive the smear campaigns were.

But there will be moments when you reflect and question if it was truly as awful as you once thought.

Yes, it was that bad. That’s why you’re here in this community on medium, seeking understanding, awakening to the reality, gaining knowledge, and finding empowerment.

Now, you understand that even a minute spent in such a toxic relationship is too much.

Once you’ve emerged from that difficult period, risen like a Phoenix from the ashes, and rebuilt yourself, you are forever changed. You’ve transformed into the strongest, most resilient version of yourself, the third iteration, fully empowered and prepared to embrace life anew.

Questioning the Narcissist’s Lies, Understanding Manipulation and Self-Protection

It’s a place you only discover after you’ve healed. Before this, you likely didn’t know much about narcissism, and many people don’t truly care about your well-being.

At the top of that list? The narcissist. Their goal was to manipulate you, keep you stuck in a cycle of devaluation, and hide their true self from you.

They didn’t want you to recover.

Everything I’m telling you boils down to one question: Was it really that bad, or did you think things would be different this time? If you’ve ever been tempted to reconnect (a Hoover), you understand.

Back to a narcissist only makes things worse. The relationship deteriorates rapidly, becomes more toxic, and makes you feel increasingly trapped.

Recognizing Narcissistic Patterns, Protecting Yourself from Manipulation

You’re unfairly blamed for anything the narcissist decides to pin on you. If you’ve gone back to them once or more, you start seeing that these narcissists are only getting worse.

They might look older, twist reality to fit their story (like gaslighting), and overall, things don’t improve.

Thinking things will be different this time for them is a mistake, it usually gets worse. For those in the community: if you’ve recently ended a relationship and are debating whether to cut off contact and block the narcissist, remember this: the relationship won’t get better.

Narcissists will try every trick to deceive, trap, and manipulate you into enduring more abuse, like silent treatment, stonewalling, rage outbursts, verbal, financial, mental, and emotional abuse.

Your support network and friendships might suffer again.

After a narcissistic relationship, you’ve likely learned that no one checked in on you or supported you during tough times. It’s a tough lesson, but it shows how important it is to prioritize your well-being and shield yourself from toxic influences.

The False Hope, Recognizing Narcissistic Relationship Patterns

These people just disappeared, scattered away like leaves in the wind, while many of them sat back and watched your life fall apart. But thinking things will be different this time? They won’t. Now, let’s jump ahead to the narcissist with their new partner, whoever that may be.

It won’t be any different for them either.

The new partner typically fits into one of three categories, as I often mention:

1. They’re toxic themselves.

2. They’re someone who hasn’t healed from past trauma or broken free from the narcissist’s influence.

3. They’re new to narcissism and think the narcissist is perfect.

Maybe that was you once, until the initial phase of intense affection ended, and reality set in.

Maybe it lasted a few weeks, a month, or even up to a year. But once it ended, you entered the phase where you were devalued.

You tried to recapture that initial affection, maybe experiencing it for a few hours, a day here and there, or even two days in a row if you were lucky. But it never lasted. Just like the narcissistic relationship itself, it wasn’t designed to endure.

Escaping Manipulation, Reflecting on Narcissistic Relationships and Healing

They’re always looking for the next new thing to control, the next person to manipulate, the next relationship to disrupt. They constantly try to come between you and what matters most like your time, money, energy, love, relationships, even your pets.

In the past, the narcissist had you so trapped in their fog that you couldn’t see how you got there or how to get out.

But eventually, the relationship ended whether you walked away or were left behind. My heart goes out to you for that.

Afterward, you had to slow down your life.

You had to reflect on past hurts, seek therapy, write in a journal, meditate, watch videos, and read anything to understand that the relationship wasn’t what you thought.

One day, you had to accept that the narcissist manipulated you, unloaded their problems onto you, and made you believe in a fake version of themselves. It’s a challenging journey, but grasping these truths is crucial for your healing and personal growth.

Seeing Through the Facade, Understanding Narcissistic Relationships

None of that baggage was in your life before you met them. The narcissist is the constant in these toxic relationships. They keep multiple people waiting on the sidelines and swap them out like changing socks.

They don’t genuinely care about anyone, not even the new supply. Except for what they can get from them.

Now, thinking about the new supply again. You might think they’re living their best life, walking into the sunset with the narcissist, everything perfect and happy.

That’s the image the narcissist wants everyone to see, the facade they show the world. But you know who they truly are, and you remember the challenges when you were with them.

You experienced things few others have.

You put up with behavior you never thought you would, made excuses for them, ignored your instincts and the red flags. Many of us do this. But as we gain wisdom, use the tools, and realize we are our own priority, first, second, and third that’s when we start to change the situation.

Taking Care of Yourself and Setting Boundaries After Dealing with Narcissistic Relationships

All the energy that was once scattered, trying to put out the fires caused by the narcissist, is now focused inward on ourselves. This is when we prioritize self-care, healing, and setting clear boundaries.

We come to understand that expecting the narcissist to change is unrealistic.

Radical acceptance becomes essential, we realize that narcissistic relationships don’t get better.

They typically decline, like a stock plummeting leftward, never rising upward. The narcissist lured us with false promises, convincing us they were a worthwhile investment destined for greatness.

In reality, they turned out to be a letdown, not even worth a penny stock.

As we heal, this perspective solidifies: narcissists can’t change, reflect on their actions, take responsibility, or offer genuine apologies.

Their ego thrives on belittling others, which sustained them in the relationship, until it no longer did. This realization leads us to go no contact, block them, cut ties with their supporters, and move forward, reclaiming our peace step by step.

Choosing Freedom, Setting Limits and Enjoying Being Yourself

If not now, then when? When you decide this, you understand that going back to the narcissist before gaining wisdom won’t make things better, it’ll only make them worse.

The narcissist counted on you not cutting them off, not seeing through their fake front, and believing their lies. But that was in the past.

Now, armed with tools and self-protection, we’ve taken things slower, processed our experiences, and learned that we won’t repeat history by entering another toxic relationship.

This time is different because we’ve set boundaries, stopped trying to please everyone, and can confidently say no, the strongest word there is.

Now, we’re free to do what we want, when we want, and with whom we want.

For example, if you feel like sleeping until noon tomorrow, go ahead. If staying up until late night suits you, go for it. Spending the next day binge-watching Movies or Series? Enjoy it without guilt.

Whether you prefer walking, hiking, climbing, swimming, or biking, do what refreshes you, enriches your life, recharges your batteries, and brings you clarity, free from any toxic influences.

Surviving Narcissistic Manipulation, Recognizing Destructive Patterns

Once again, for those in the community who have ever thought things might get better this time, they won’t. They can’t, and they never will, because the narcissist has one goal: to ruin people’s lives. Their mission is to sever any meaningful connections their victims have.

During the relationship, you were constantly putting out fires.

You were the narcissist’s sounding board, their regulator, the one who boosted their ego at your own expense.

You overlooked their bad behavior, made excuses for them, and dealt with their endless needs.

They wanted someone to absorb their attacks, be their pawn, and cater to them without question. They drained your energy and emotions completely during the relationship.

Protecting Your Peace, Strategies for Avoiding Narcissistic Influence

Once you’ve cut off contact, you realize the narcissist won’t change, they’ll keep hurting anyone in their path. But for you, it’s different because you’ve ended contact and stopped their harmful behavior.

That’s why I suggest to those healing: block them if you can, move away if possible, and distance yourself from toxic family like siblings, parents, aunts, or uncles who know you well and can hurt you deeply.

It’s not just in romantic relationships or with family.

Narcissists can be bosses, colleagues, or people you encounter daily at the coffee shop, in customer service, or on transportation. They’re everywhere, so recognizing them is key to staying safe.

Reflecting Objectively, Evaluating Past Relationships for Clarity

I want to comfort you, not scare you. It’s important to set boundaries, avoid sharing too much, and not idealize narcissistic relationships. Instead of just remembering the good times, stay in the present and look at the relationship objectively.

If you were to honestly list the positives and negatives of your past relationship, you might be surprised.

Think about the benefits versus the drawbacks. You might find that there were few positives and many negatives. If it’s been a while since you did this exercise, take some time to update your list.

Compare it to your old list and see how your thoughts have changed over time.

As you heal, your thinking becomes clearer. You’re no longer influenced by narcissists or toxic people draining your energy. This is the path you need to follow.

If not now, then when? Remember, these relationships don’t improve. Instead of hoping for change, focus on avoiding similar relationships in the future.

Setting Strong Boundaries, Protecting Yourself and Using Emotional Wisdom

Keep replaying this message until it sinks in deep. There’s no space in your life for toxic, draining relationships with narcissists. Maybe you’ve been through this before, even more than once.

Now, it’s vital to understand this: prioritize going no contact and blocking these people.

Avoid sharing too much, know not everyone has your best interests at heart, and resist always trying to please others. Don’t drop everything to help someone just because you can. That was our past, now we’re different.

We’ve become informed empaths, people who’ve faced challenges, grown stronger, and embraced resilience. Many of us, including myself, have deep empathy.

But we’ve learned to use it wisely, saving it for those who show they care in return.

We no longer freely give our empathy to strangers, neighbors, or coworkers. We’ve learned from one-sided relationships with narcissists and energy drainers. We won’t entertain their words, actions, or intentions in the future.

Wrap it up

So, here’s what I want you to know: thinking things will change this time for me? It’s not about “this time” because you’re moving forward by blocking these people.

This time, you will heal.

This time, you’ll reach a point where you’re indifferent, a peak of indifference.

This time, you’ll be around people who think like you.

This time, you’ll listen more than you talk.

This time, you won’t assume everyone in the world has your best interests at heart.

That wraps up the article. This is Ryan, remember you’re not alone. I truly care about you. Remember, there won’t be another “this time” because you’re on a healing journey and have fully understood the concepts from the glossary of narcissistic abuse cycles.

You know these terms well and have connected them to your own experiences, gaining important wisdom along the way.

This newfound wisdom is a powerful tool that must be used responsibly.

With great power comes great responsibility, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.

You’ve raised yourself to a higher level of understanding, one that many would envy. However, gaining this wisdom often means enduring a journey through narcissistic abuse cycles.

No one, and I mean no one, wants to go through that path, including myself.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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