Today, let’s talk about how skilled narcissists are at setting traps. They have trapped many people throughout history and even now all over the world. Narcissists enjoy setting traps and take pleasure in waiting for unsuspecting people to fall into them.

Narcissists often enter relationships pretending to be kind and caring, but their true selfishness emerges once trust is built. They act interested in your life and values, but as the relationship progresses, they start to withdraw and criticize you.

This manipulative pattern is predictable.

It starts with them showering you with affection (love bombing), making everything seem perfect while hiding their real motives.

Then, they begin devaluing you with tactics like gaslighting, silent treatments, and blaming you for their problems. Eventually, the relationship ends, either by them leaving or you deciding to leave.

It’s a painful experience. Sometimes, they may try to lure you back (Hoovering) to see if they can still control you. Don’t fall for it. It only makes things worse.

The Narcissist’s Deceptive Mastery of Relationships

The narcissist is very skilled at deceiving others, blending smoothly into your life. They pretend to share your interests and passions, like hobbies, books, and education, even if they lack real knowledge.

They can change their personality easily like they’re like shape-shifters, using a dark charm to lure people into relationships.

They say one thing but mean another, tricking people into getting close to them.

Once you’re caught in their trap, it’s hard to escape. Whether you’ve married them, had kids, moved with them, or started a business together, you’re deeply involved.

By the time you realize, it’s already too late because they set traps long ago and keep doing it.

They trap others too, continuing their cycle of abuse. Healthy relationships don’t need traps. Unlike catching animals or fishing for food, trapping people is a terrible skill of the narcissist, something you’re witnessing right now.

Steps Toward Healing and Understanding Narcissistic Relationships

Every day, some relationships with narcissistic traits start while others fall apart. Maybe you’ve been in one of those relationships before. I hope you’ve moved on and started healing, or you’re well on your way.

You know the feeling when you realize the relationship is toxic or even involves narcissism, it’s a moment too long. That’s why I often suggest in my articles: go no contact, block them, delete, and cut off anyone connected to them.

If you can’t do that, try being uninteresting and disappear from the narcissist’s radar using Grey Rock.

The goal is to free yourself from the trap.

The trap was getting into the relationship, getting caught in the confusion caused by the narcissist during devaluation, and needing time to recover even after the relationship ends.

During your recovery, you faced important moments. Despite the challenges, you found your way here, part of a community, either helping others or taking care of yourself.

You’ve learned that you should always prioritize yourself, not let others come first. That narcissistic relationship almost defeated you, but it didn’t.

Here are some important things you had to realize:

• You had to admit that this relationship was unlike any other you’ve had, this is true.
• You had to slow down, process things, and accept that no one was coming to rescue you, it’s a difficult reality.
• You had to look for answers, find a way to describe the behaviors you experienced, the cycle of narcissistic abuse was hard to recognize.

The odds were against you, but you figured it out, and now you’re here. This part of the article is a reminder, you’ve already accomplished these three things. The next three I’ll discuss are just as important for your healing journey.

First, you need to evaluate that relationship. Understand it for what it truly was, not what you hoped it would be.

You fell into a trap skillfully set by the narcissist. You weren’t ready for narcissism, you weren’t taught about it. You faced something you didn’t fully understand.

Recognizing Patterns and Finding Strength in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

You didn’t realize that every day, you were being treated badly, ignored, and used by the narcissist. You served as their unpaid helper, always apologizing and listening to them.

But you didn’t know the terms to understand this pattern of abuse.

You needed to understand that the relationship wasn’t your fault. You were probably targeted because you’re a people-pleaser, always saying yes, very empathetic, or extremely devoted.

Maybe you believed in your marriage vows because of your upbringing or religion, thinking it was forever.

But the narcissist saw you as an opportunity, not a true partner.

You will get through this. In your own time, you will heal. It will take a lot of work, many sleepless nights, and require courage, strength, and commitment.

It will test you deeply, maybe bringing you through dark times. You’ll find that many people may not understand narcissism, even if they care about you, leaving you feeling alone on your journey.

Healing and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

All these things are crucial, they’re really important. Then one day, you realize you had to go through that relationship. You finally stopped contacting and blocked the person who turned out to be a narcissist.

You dug deep into learning more about yourself and identifying other toxic people in your life, either cutting them off or keeping your distance.

When you take these steps, you find yourself in what I call Renewal Garden.

It’s a place where you set boundaries, slow down, and think things through. Instead of dwelling on past problems, you focus on taking care of yourself.

You might see a therapist, write in a journal, watch educational videos, take classes, read books or articles, work on healing old wounds, and more, all at your own pace.

There’s no instant healing for this journey.

The only way to move forward is to break free from the trap and cut off contact with toxic influences.

Everything I’m talking about here leads to your recovery.

But remember, healing isn’t a straight road, it takes time. I’m not here to upset you, I’m here to remind you that you can’t just wish away the pain.

This is a relationship you need to heal from, and healing starts when you truly understand what happened.

These steps, crucial once you’ve escaped the trap or been rescued from it, help you see the narcissistic abuse cycle clearly.

Imagine a Venus flytrap: the fly lands innocently, lured by its appeal. Suddenly, the trap snaps shut, and the fly is caught.

That’s how the narcissist saw you, they wanted you to fall for them or get close, but they couldn’t form a genuine connection because narcissists can’t truly bond with anyone.

Moving Forward After Dealing with a Narcissist

So, what was their plan? They aimed to slowly take everything from you: your time, money, empathy, energy, effort, love, health, status, friendships, hobbies, relationships and everything. And they succeeded quite well.

But what happened next? Eventually, you figured it out.

You found that hidden problem. You got the message that this relationship was a crucial part of your journey, you couldn’t avoid it. Now, healing became crucial.

You had to sort out many things and get yourself out of the trap, break free from the chains, escape the Venus flytrap. You realized you had two choices: not to exist, an incredibly challenging thought, I faced it around December 2014 to January 2015, and the last rough time for me was August 2023, but I made it through, and so can you.

The other choice was to slow down, focus on yourself, and heal deeply. Healing, of course, doesn’t happen quickly. Nothing truly valuable ever does.

It’s a journey, just like getting into and eventually leaving that relationship, ending with a big impact. The narcissist never thought you’d survive.

They didn’t think you’d rise up, see through their disguise, or emerge from trouble as your strongest, toughest self.

A place where you stand tall, maybe next to me, in front, or behind, it doesn’t matter.

You’re at the height of not caring, or trying to get there, a place the narcissist can’t ever reach. It’s special air, for those of us who have gone through, figured out, healed, and now show our best selves.

We can’t forget what we learned, having escaped the trap and realized that many people feel bad, want what we have, and maybe want to be like us. The narcissist was at the top of that list; their trap caught us when we weren’t ready.

Understanding Narcissistic Manipulation and Recovery

We didn’t realize we were competing with the person we loved. We didn’t know they were always adding fuel to the fire of abuse. We didn’t know they had no intention of letting us go free, instead, they kept us like dolls on a shelf, playing with us whenever they wanted.

This is what narcissists do, not just with us but with others too.

Narcissists don’t rely on just one source of attention. They have many like the grocery store cashier, flight attendant, waiter, or even objects like clothes or houses.

Their need for attention isn’t just about romance, it can involve their own family as well.

Narcissists need this attention to feel good about themselves, often at the expense of putting others down. The drain they put on you, something I’ve talked about a lot before, is this: you shine brightly, brighter than anything else.

They see it, I see it, and now you do too. But narcissists operate at a lower level compared to you.

Is this true? Absolutely. Their plan was to draw you into a relationship and dim your light, succeeding as long as they kept you under their control. But once you cut off contact, block them, and distance yourself, everything comes back to you.

I. Taking Control and Planning Your Path Forward

And everything comes back to you in abundance. During the relationship, everything was confusing, you couldn’t see clearly, and everything seemed upside down. But once you regain your stability without the narcissist’s influence, you take back control of your life.

You’re free to make choices and pursue what you want, when you want, with whom you want. This is your path forward.

To follow this path, you need to remove yourself from the trap. If you haven’t already cut off contact, it’s time to seriously think about it.

If you’re still living in the same home as the narcissist, perhaps shifting from a romantic relationship to more of a roommate situation where you’re married but leading separate lives, realize that things won’t get better on their own.

In fact, they’re likely to get worse, with the narcissist possibly exploiting you further, even financially draining you.

They’ll drain you until you take decisive action.

And by action, I mean creating and executing an exit plan. Understand that where you are today won’t be where you are in three months, six months, or nine months if you take proactive steps.

No one else will do this for you, while books, articles, and videos can guide you, the key realization is that your life belongs to you, and it’s your responsibility to take control. Recognizing that you were caught in a toxic narcissistic relationship, every moment spent in it was a moment too long.

II. Taking Control and Planning Your Path Forward

The key is getting out of the trap. That’s the way forward. It won’t be easy, especially if there are children involved, or if divorce, assets, or a house make things complicated, I understand.

But you have to take action because you only have two choices: stay in a draining relationship, making excuses to avoid going home, feeling the weight of the narcissist’s presence every day.

Or, option two: break free and start fresh.

I want you to know, I get that not everyone can make these moves.

I was trapped once too. I made and executed a flawless exit plan, a five-step strategy.

When I got to where I am now, I created and carried out another plan, and now I’m working on one more.

You might wonder, “Why all these plans, Ryan?”

Well, after a relationship ends, we see things clearly now, not through rose-colored glasses. We’ve gained insight, able to spot toxic people or recognize empaths just by observing them. Do narcissists still hide among us? Absolutely. They’re still deceiving others.

Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior Patterns

All I can do is what I do every day, write articles, help others, and move forward to where I am now, where there are plenty of opportunities. Narcissists can’t thrive in this environment because they can’t reach those heights.

Before I conclude, I want to emphasize something: narcissists set traps deliberately.

They’re still setting traps today, fully aware of what they’re doing. If anyone doubts whether narcissists understand their behavior, just think about how they see themselves in the mirror, live their lives, and do everyday things like everyone else.

They know exactly what they’re up to.

Every morning, they choose whether to do good or not, but they usually choose the latter, almost every day of the year (including leap years like this one).

Narcissists can’t change, grow, or reflect on themselves. Instead, they focus on manipulating others, causing drama, and causing harm. They steal ideas, content, identities, and even relationships. That’s what narcissists do, plain and simple.

Wrap it up

I hope you found it as enjoyable to read as I did writing it for you. This is Ryan. Remember, you’re not alone.

Reflect on where you are in life.

Are you where you want to be?

Do you have goals and a plan?

Are you still entangled in a relationship with a narcissist?

Are you working on a strategy to break free?

Life is uncertain, none of us can predict the future. Embrace life, celebrate it, and live fully without the influence of narcissists.

That’s the path forward. Take action now, why wait? I appreciate each of you

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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