That moment, yes that one moment was the start of everything falling apart. It didn’t happen all at once, but that’s when something inside you knew, you couldn’t go back anymore. The mask had slipped, and what you saw couldn’t be unseen.

In the beginning, they came in strong. Sweet words, big promises, and all that love-bombing magic that made you feel like the most important person in their world. But behind those smiles, their true self was already hiding in plain sight just waiting for the right time to show up.

Slowly, things started to shift. The compliments turned into criticisms, the warmth turned cold. You were confused, wondering what happened to that person you first met. But this was all part of their game, they wanted control not love.

And somewhere during that shift before the final discard, before the silent treatment, before the Hoover attempts that’s when the beginning of the end crept in. It was quiet at first, just a gut feeling. A moment of clarity, you realized something was very wrong. And even if you weren’t ready to leave yet, part of you had already started to let go.

Some people tell me, “That one moment you know, this was never real” And honestly? I don’t disagree. That was the moment your world started shifting quietly, slowly, but deeply. You didn’t know it then, but your energy, your love, your time, it all began pouring into someone who, underneath the charm, didn’t care for you the way you cared for them.

In fact, they were jealous of your light and secretly wanted to dim it. So yes, maybe that one moment you know, this was never real started right there, at hello.

But for others, it didn’t hit until later. Maybe after you moved in together, built a life, had a child, started a business, or became roommates. That’s when things got real. That’s when they had more access to you, and more control. And suddenly, their little habits turned into big red flags. But back then, you didn’t know how those moments were shaping your future pain.

The end didn’t come all at once, it showed up in quiet moments when you started seeing the truth behind their mask.

You weren’t taught about this before, no one told you that someone could look you straight in the eye and lie so easily like they were ordering coffee. You didn’t know that someone could say one thing and mean the total opposite, and not even flinch while doing it.

And those times you tried to call them out? You were met with smirks, vague excuses, or casual lies that sounded almost believable. “Didn’t see the message.” “Oops, forgot again.” “My fault, I’ll do better tomorrow.”

But that sincerity? It was fake. Just a distraction to keep you questioning yourself while they kept hiding their true self. And you, still hoping for the person you first met, stayed. That’s why the beginning of the end isn’t one exact moment. It’s a series of small wake-up calls that you only recognize after the damage is done.

You probably didn’t think people like this really existed, people who could lie, twist, and manipulate others every single day like it’s just normal life. But that’s exactly what narcissists do, that’s how they survive. It’s not a mistake or a bad day for them, it’s just how they live. 

And in relationships with them, that’s why there’s no real peace, no growth, no steady future. All the effort, love, and meaning in the relationship? That came from you. The narcissist? They were just steering the ship to wherever they wanted to go, taking what they needed, then tossing the rest aside when it no longer served them.

Now let’s say the beginning of the end didn’t come at the very start, maybe it hit once the devaluation phase crept in. Or maybe it started when you moved in together, you might’ve known them for a while. Maybe you were dating for a couple years, or you were friends who finally became roommates. Whatever the setup was, that move-in day changed everything.

Because once they had you, once the lease was signed, or the rent was shared, they knew you were locked in. They didn’t need the mask anymore, at least not all the time. That’s when the real version of them started to show. The demands, the mind games, the cold shoulder. And you started noticing that you weren’t just paying half the rent, you were paying for everything. The bills, the internet, the little things that added up fast. Not just in money, but in energy too.

But that’s a whole different story. 

What really matters here is this, once they felt secure, once they knew you were “THEIRS” that’s when the shift began. The moment of the end wasn’t loud. It wasn’t a fight or a betrayal, it was quiet, subtle, a slow burn. But it was real, and that’s when their mask began to slip for good.

You could say that one moment of the end happened during one of those key moments in your life, those big turning points that most people would call milestones. Because here’s the thing about narcissistic relationships: they come with silent warnings, pivotal moments. 

You just didn’t recognize them back then, nobody teaches you about it. No one pulls you aside and says, “Hey, some people will pretend to care just to stay close to your success.” Was the narcissist there when your child was born? Or did they disappear when you needed them most?

What about your graduation? Your promotion? Did they celebrate with you, or did it feel like you were celebrating alone, even when they were in the room? Maybe they clapped for you, but it wasn’t about you. It was about what they could get from it. “Oh, more money’s coming in? Great. I’ll start asking for more once that raise hits.”

Fake smiles, hollow praise. All part of the plan.

You see, that one moment of the end can look different for everyone. Some people say it was the day they met the narcissist. And honestly, that could be true. But for others, the end started when something important happened and instead of feeling supported, they felt alone. Unseen, unheard.

That’s because these narcissists already know something you don’t, every relationship they’re in has to end. They know they’ll bleed your energy, your kindness, your money until you’re worn out. And once you stop being useful, they start looking for the next source. Someone newer, richer, more connected. A better vacation home, a better story to latch onto.

That’s the cycle. They always want more. And they’ll always chase what they think will give them a better seat at the table. But the real question isn’t when that one moment of the end was. It’s when you finally saw it, and realized you deserved better.

Narcissists don’t build real connections, they just study people, use them, and move on when the excitement fades.

Now, not every narcissist plays the exact same game, but many do. And the ones who do? They play it on repeat. They’re always on the lookout for the next “new and shiny” thing. A new face to fool, a new heart to break. They search for people who are kind, open, and unaware of what narcissism even is. And when they find someone who’s never been exposed to their kind of manipulation, a clean slate, it’s like they’ve hit the jackpot. That’s the moment they know they’ve found their next target.

From there, they already know how the game goes. They know what they want, what they’ll say, and how they’ll slowly trap that person in the fog where confusion becomes normal, and second-guessing yourself becomes a daily habit.

That’s also why these relationships often move so fast, it’s not always romantic either. Say it’s a co-worker, they suddenly want to eat lunch with you, ask about your past, your family, where you’re from. Sounds friendly, right? But it’s not kindness, it’s research. They’re collecting information to figure out how to get under your skin and into your trust.

Same thing happens in romantic situations. Maybe they bat their eyes, act sweet, and pretend they like everything you like. That’s not love, that’s mirroring. They’re trying to become your perfect match, your safe place. But really, what they’re doing is building a trap made of your own dreams, your own hopes, and using those against you. And once you’re deep enough in that fog, they hope you never find the way out. 

Hey I’m not trying to trigger you or upset you here, I just want you to know something important, narcissists are everywhere. They don’t come in just one form, they can be anyone. Any gender, any skin colour, any background. They could be well-educated or not at all, they might speak your language or a completely different one. But underneath all those differences, they have one thing in common, they all follow the same pattern.

They use the same tricks to control people. They play every role in the story, the victim, the hero, and the villain, depending on what suits them in that moment. They throw people under the bus without a second thought. And when they look at the world, it’s all black or white. Either you’re with them, or you’re against them. There’s no in-between, no grey, no maybe. Even when you think they’re on your side, they’re not really. They just want something from you at that time.

They’ll make you feel special, like you’re the one they’ve been waiting for. But deep down, that’s all just part of the show. Because here’s what happens every single time: eventually, your shine fades in their eyes. Not because you changed, but because narcissists are always hunting for something “better.” 

They’re constantly comparing. What do other people have that you don’t? Who are their friends dating? Where are they going on vacation? What clothes are they wearing? It never ends. And that’s the truth. Narcissists don’t bond with people, they scan them, study them, and use them until they’re bored or want something else.

The narcissist always plans their exit before you even know it’s over, they just wait for the next person, and once you stop being easy to control, they’re already gone.

You might ask, “How could they possibly know when the relationship would fall apart?” Well, let me tell you something that may surprise you. The narcissist already knew. Long before things actually ended, they had already planned their next move. That’s how they operate, they don’t just walk away without a backup plan, they line someone else up quietly in the background. Sometimes not so quietly, sometimes right in front of you. That’s exactly what happened to me.

All they were waiting for was confirmation. A signal from the new person, what we often call “new supply.” As soon as they got the green light, it was showtime. The mask would slip for you, and the performance would begin for someone else.

And the new supply? Most of the time, they have no idea what’s really happening. Just like you didn’t in the beginning, and there’s no shame in that. Nobody taught you, nobody explained that there are people out there who calculate relationships like this.

The new person might believe they’ve found something incredible. “This person is leaving their partner for me, this must be love.” They might feel special, chosen, dreaming of a future that feels like it’s just within reach.

But the reality that dream is built on someone else’s heartbreak, and what they don’t realize is they’ve just stepped into the exact same role you were in, only now. They’re the ones about to be tested, drained, and eventually discarded.

Because narcissists don’t just treat romantic partners this way, they treat everyone in their life like a tool, someone to evaluate, control, and eventually replace. They do it to their partners, their kids, their friends, their co-workers.

That’s why I say narcissists often know how the story ends, not because they’re psychic. But because they’re always planning ahead, for themselves.

It’s not just romantic partners the narcissist targets. It’s anyone, really. It could be the person who gave them a job. It could be their boss, their coworkers, or even people in hobby clubs, religious communities, or social groups. Narcissists don’t limit their manipulation to one area of life, they go wherever they can find someone new to use.

But the truth they don’t want you to know, narcissists are scared. They’re not scared of you in the way you might think. They’re scared of being exposed, of being found out. They’re afraid people might start talking, really talking and begin to connect the dots.

Because once people compare notes, it gets dangerous for the narcissist.

One person saying, “That was strange,” can be brushed off. But two people? Two people saying, “Hold on, you too?” that changes everything. Suddenly the lies don’t hold up. The charm starts to fade, and the truth begins to take shape.

Let’s say it’s in the workplace. One person says, “They treated me like this.” Another says, “Same here, and they did that to me too.” Now the narcissist is no longer in control of the story. And that’s what they fear the most, losing control.

That’s why they work so hard to keep people separated, they don’t want conversations happening. They don’t want people connecting or forming trust outside of them. They want everyone isolated, so they can control the narrative and keep their image safe.

But when the truth starts to leak out? When even a few people see through the mask? The narcissist usually runs, they disappear. Not because they’ve changed. But because they already have someone else waiting. A new person who hasn’t seen the truth yet. A clean slate, a fresh stage for the same performance.

Most of the time, maybe not always but often, when the narcissist disappears, it’s not random. It’s planned, they already know they’ll just rewrite the past. They’ll make up a new version of the story and start over somewhere else. It could be a new town, a different city, a whole new country. They don’t mind. Because for them, starting fresh just means finding new people to fool.

That’s why they can’t stay in one place for too long.

They’re constantly burning bridges, taking what they can from others, and walking away like nothing happened. That’s why you’ll rarely see a narcissist truly change. They don’t grow, they don’t heal, they run, and they run because they refuse to look in the mirror.

They can’t handle the truth about themselves, so they avoid it. That’s why they’ll never give you real closure.

You’ll never see them sit down across from you with a cup of coffee and say, “You know what? I manipulated you. I cheated. I lied. I destroyed your relationships. I turned people against you with my smear campaign. I knew exactly what I was doing. And I’m sorry.” That moment? It doesn’t come.

They’ll never take that level of responsibility, because they need to keep pretending they’re someone else in public. They wear the charming mask out there. But behind closed doors, they’re someone completely different.

That split, the two sides of them is what makes people feel so confused. So, when did it really start to end? It was the moment you started to see it for what it was. The moment their behavior stopped being something you made excuses for, and became something you knew you couldn’t live with anymore, that was the beginning of the end.

And you probably didn’t even realize it right away. Maybe you just tried to set a boundary. Maybe you said “NO” for the first time in a long time. That’s usually when they start pulling away. That’s when the narcissist senses they’re losing control, and they hate that more than anything.

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