Lately, I’ve realized that I often make things harder for myself. Instead of feeling my emotions, I just think about them.

What usually happen, maybe because I write, is that I try to look at everything from different angles. I think that if I check out all possibilities, I’ll understand better and move forward.

But things don’t always turn out that way.

Today, let’s talk about the difference between overthinking and feeling. 

Overthinking acts like a shield. 

As a writer, I know about it, even though I don’t always handle it perfectly. 

It’s when we use logic to avoid feeling bad. It might help us understand difficult stuff, but it doesn’t let us truly feel it. 

Feeling, on the other hand, is about facing things directly. It’s not about hiding behind what we know, it’s about letting emotions flow.

Recognizing Intellectualization Patterns

I often avoid dealing with my emotions by overthinking. Instead of confronting the sadness from losing my grandpa or my difficulties living in a place I don’t like, I distract myself with research and discussions about unrelated things. 

I read articles and talk about grief or compare different places. 

If that doesn’t help me feel better, I turn to workbooks and workshops to keep my mind occupied.

You know I really like workbooks and workshops. But I realize I often use them to dodge my feelings. Instead of dealing with what’s bothering me, I get lost in workbooks, hoping they’ll solve everything. 

Sometimes, though, they just make me overthink and avoid how I feel. 

It’s like I’m hiding from my true emotions by staying busy with tasks from a workbook. Does that make sense?

I’m not sure if you relate to this, but let me point out some signs of intellectualizing. 

When you’re upset:

do you quickly search online for answers? 

Is that your first reaction? 

Do you watch TikToks or Youtube to explain or express your feelings? I do. 

Do you join workshops or buy lots of books on the same topic?

Can you easily analyze situations from different angles, or talk about them without showing any emotion?

Understanding the Importance of Feeling Our Emotions

Let’s take a moment. I get it, these questions are tricky. If someone asked me if I know how to feel my emotions, I’d confidently say yes. And if they asked if I overthink, I’d deny it, saying it’s a defense mechanism I avoid. 

But the truth is, I do both. 

I dive into many books on a topic and ask people in my life for their thoughts. Why? Because I think more info helps me understand better. I make sure to gather all viewpoints before truly feeling my emotions.

I’m not saying thinking a lot is always bad. 

Understanding problems is important. When things go wrong, it’s important to figure them out. But if we only focus on this and ignore our feelings, it can be a problem. 

Sometimes we don’t want to face our emotions. We feel bad about them and think they get in our way. We believe they make us feel worse. We don’t like them, so we try to hide them.

Recognizing our emotions is crucial because they’re important. 

Sometimes, we avoid dealing with them. They don’t always pop up when it’s easy to handle them. 

For example, you can’t just start crying in front of your boss, can you? Some feelings aren’t welcome in the moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad or shouldn’t be expressed. 

Emotions give us helpful information. They show us when our boundaries are crossed or when our needs aren’t being met. They also let us know when we feel secure, supported, and ready to take action.

The Power of Emotional Connection and its Impact on Our Well-Being

When we’re sad or troubled, talking to others, even if we don’t know them, can make us feel better. Brene Brown once saw this after the Challenger explosion. 

People on the freeway stopped to comfort each other, showing how sharing emotions can bring us together, even briefly.

Our nervous system works best when we feel safe, calm, and connected to others, as explained by Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory. 

It shows that our nervous system isn’t just about fight or flight or rest and digest; it can handle both at once. Connecting with others can make us feel both energized and relaxed, which is why Polyvagal Theory is significant.

In short, our feelings matter a lot. 

If we, like me, spend all our time analyzing and researching without actually feeling, we’re missing out on important experiences. 

From my own life and research, I’ve learned that ignoring emotions just makes them stronger. It’s crucial to recognize and deal with our feelings instead of ignoring them.

Recognizing the Importance of Feeling Our Feelings

Think about emotions add up. If I feel sad today and ignore it, and the same happens tomorrow, I have two days of sadness to deal with. This buildup can lead us astray. 

For example, I’ve ignored my feelings about someone in the past, telling myself I’m overreacting. Then, I blame myself and ignore my instincts.

Ignoring our emotions can cause problems in relationships and career choices. 

When we don’t listen to our feelings, we might take jobs that don’t feel right or end up in unhealthy relationships. Emotions provide important insights for making good decisions. 

That’s why it’s crucial to acknowledge them. 

I recognize that I tend to intellectualize rather than fully feel my emotions. I know I need to work on this, even if time is limited. 

Let’s commit to working on this together and I’ll try to feel my emotions, and I hope you’ll join me in that effort.

So, let’s finish by talking about why it’s important to accept our feelings. Some people might hesitate, thinking, “I don’t want to keep thinking about old pains” or “I don’t want to dig up past emotions.” 

But we only take a quick look back to move forward. I see our past like a rope tying us to our future and if we don’t sort it out, we can’t make progress or reach our goals, just like our workbooks and workshops advise.

Understanding Your Emotional Awareness

Have you ever been stuck in bad habits even though you know they’re hurting you? It’s a normal part of healing. Taking time to understand our feelings is important for progress. 

We need to face our emotions head-on to break free from what’s holding us back.

Understanding our emotions starts with recognizing what we feel, but it’s not easy. When I was working on covering Tae Yang’s song “Eyes, Nose, Lips,” I asked people and a few close friends to jot down five feelings they had that day. 

Surprisingly, except for one person, everyone found it hard. 

They asked, “What do you mean, what feelings?” or “What if I don’t have five?” It showed me that many of us don’t stop to identify emotions like anger, sadness, happiness, or excitement.

So, the first thing to do is to pay attention and try to recognize our feelings. Another tip, if you’re not sure how you feel, is to watch TV series or movies. Reality shows or dramas are good for this. 

Notice how characters show their emotions and try to name them. 

Sometimes, it’s easier to see emotions in others than in ourselves. For example, watching a rerun of “Game of Thrones” might help. You might say, “Oh, I can see Arya’s determined” or “Tyrion looks worried” or “Cersei seems angry.” It’s okay if you can’t name your own emotions right away. Start wherever you feel comfortable. Meet yourself where you are.

Exploring Emotional Awareness and Self-Reflection

Practice using the tool. Once you can recognize emotions, focus on yourself. Choose one emotion you feel every day and notice how it affects your body. 

For example, when I’m anxious, my stomach tightens, my hands sweat, and my jaw feels tense. I might clench my fists and feel tense all over. 

When I’m excited, I can’t sit still. It’s like when I tell Demerzel (my cat) I’m going to play with her, I can’t stay inside.

I’m super excited right now. 

How about you? 

What do you feel in your body when you’re excited? 

Then, try writing about how you’d tell someone else. 

If you were explaining it to me, what words would you choose? Like I talked about excitement and anxiety earlier, let’s write down our thoughts. It’s important to start expressing these feelings.

This is the hardest part for me, keeping track of my feelings as they come and go. Listen to your body. 

If you’re anxious, notice if your fists tighten, your jaw clenches, or your stomach feels tight. Later, do you still feel it? Notice how long these feelings last and what they might mean. It’s a deeper level. 

When I’m anxious, I ask myself why. Is it because I doubt myself? Is it because of things that happened before? Take your time, it’s not easy. 

For me, identifying the feeling at the moment and then seeing how long it lasts are the toughest parts.

Understanding Meta-Feelings and Beliefs

Facing these challenges can be tough because our feelings are complex. It’s like when we start thinking about how we feel about our feelings and that’s what people call meta-feelings. 

It means we’re always judging if our emotions are okay or not, and what they say about us. 

Sometimes, we end up stopping ourselves from feeling our emotions fully because we think they’re not right. 

This habit usually comes from things that happened to us in the past, like when we were kids or had bad experiences at work. 

It’s like we keep replaying old stories in our heads and connecting them to how we feel now, unless we stop and recognize what’s going on.

Lately, I’ve realized it’s helpful to think about how I feel about different emotions. Anger always makes me feel bad, like it’s something I shouldn’t feel. And I tend to avoid getting too excited because I worry I’ll be let down. 

It’s interesting to think about why certain emotions bother us so much. 

Even though people often say some feelings are good and some are bad, they all tell us something important. Taking a moment to figure out why we struggle with certain emotions can help us deal with them better. 

If we don’t, these feelings might keep getting in the way of us feeling better.

If I always worry that getting excited will end in disappointment, I might stop letting myself feel excited at all. It’s like I’m trying to protect myself from getting hurt before it even happens. 

But by doing that, I miss out on fully enjoying life’s ups and downs. I wonder why I’m so afraid and what I can do to stop it. 

People usually talk about dealing with “bad emotions” like anger or sadness, but struggling with “good emotions” like happiness or excitement is just as tough. It’s hard to feel happy or excited when we’re scared of what might happen next.

Wrap it up

A lot of my friends who’ve been through tough times have told me they feel scared when they’re happy or excited. It’s like when we’re happy, we let our guard down, and that feels risky. 

We worry that being too happy means we’re not being careful enough. 

It’s something important to think about. We all have our own stories and beliefs about feelings, and sometimes they stop us from really feeling them. 

Personally, and maybe some of you feel the same, I tend to think about things instead of just feeling them. It feels safer that way. 

Many of you have said you feel this way because of things that happened when you were kids, where maybe you weren’t allowed to show certain feelings. 

So, it’s worth thinking about that, because I’ve had a hard time with it too.

I realized something when I saw how many personal development books I’ve been getting into lately, like “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

I wondered if I’m thinking too much about it all instead of just feeling it. 

I started asking myself why certain feelings scare me. What stops me from letting myself feel? What would happen if I just let myself feel those emotions? These questions got me thinking.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I’m curious if you’ve been pondering it too. 

Why do we often avoid feeling our emotions and instead just try to figure them out? 

We all know how important it is to feel our feelings, so why the hesitation? 

I’d like to hear your thoughts in the comments. Is this something you struggle with too? And if you have any tips for handling emotions, please share!

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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