Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do miss you, but not in the same way you miss them. They miss certain things about you, not you as a person. They process these feelings very differently. In this article, we will explore what’s going on in their minds.

I’m going to share it all. But first, let me introduce myself. I’m Ryan, a writer and expert on narcissism, here to help people recover from narcissistic abuse. I share my insights on my website.

When you miss someone, you usually try to reconnect, reach out, and share your feelings, hoping to talk or see them again. 

But narcissists don’t do this. 

They don’t miss you as a person, they miss the feelings you gave them. 

They crave attention, admiration, validation, and even the chaos they caused in your life. 

They miss having power and control. They won’t admit they miss you or need you. Instead, they stay distant and manipulative, unable to show real vulnerability.

Weaponizing Absence to Assert Control

On the contrary, they take a despicable path — they hoover you. When a narcissist notices you’re not around, a thought pops into their head. But it doesn’t make them want to talk to you directly. 

Nope, especially if they think you can see through their act. 

Their troubled mind takes control, seeking ways to reconnect, which can sometimes lead to inappropriate actions such as monitoring your activities or expecting you to seek their approval once more.

Their big ego stops them from showing any real vulnerability or trying to fix things.

Instead of thinking about the good times with you and feeling sorry, they focus on using your feelings against you: playing with your emotions, finding your weak spots, and getting others to help them, all so they can trap you again. 

They won’t give in, won’t admit they’re wrong. 

To them, relationships are just a game they have to win, no matter what.

This stubbornness is why their relationships always fall apart. They want you to give up your feelings, forget how they hurt you, and do whatever they say. They expect you to say, “I’m fine. Do whatever you want.” They don’t care about your complaints or how much they hurt you.

Strategic Plans to Control and Manipulate Empathy

When they miss you, they’re not longing for the real you — the genuine one. Because they never fully understood you, they yearn for the idealized version of your relationship, the things they could gain from you, the comfort they felt in your presence, and the attention and care you offered. 

Their mood shifts when they convince themselves they can’t go on without you, but in reality, they’re only missing the chaos, control, and toxic cycle they maintained without change. 

Unfortunately, their longing only brings you pain.

Then they enlist the help of others, known as “flying monkeys.” Instead of admitting their mistakes and sincerely seeking forgiveness and change, they create crises. 

Suddenly, you receive urgent calls, urging you to intervene in emergencies or serious situations. They manipulate your empathy, earning the title of “sympathy vampires.”

Even when trying to reach out directly, they send unclear messages, pretending confusion to get a response. 

Before you realize it, you’re caught in their trap once again. This is their strategy when they wish for your return — to assert dominance over your ego. That’s just who they are.

Identifying Manipulative Tactics

I learned this from seeing how my friend dealt with their narcissistic partner. Whenever my friend needed some space, their partner would act really upset, insisting my friend had to come back. 

They knew exactly how to make my friend feel guilty, so my friend felt like they had to go back. 

My friend ended up taking care of their partner a lot, trying to make them feel better all the time.

Their partner didn’t actually miss my friend. They just missed having control over them, being able to make them feel a certain way. It was like they were hunting for weaknesses in my friend. 

They weren’t really missing my friend, they were just missing the power they had over them. 

It wasn’t about love or caring.

As my friend distanced themselves, their partner got even more desperate. 

They would send other friends or family members to try and guilt my friend into coming back. It was all about control for their partner, wanting to have power over my friend’s life. 

It was really tough for my friend to realize this, but they eventually found the strength to break free from the toxic relationship and feel good about themselves again.

Wrap it up

And that’s how they work. It’s crucial not to get caught up in their games and consider going back, no matter how sincere they may appear in their longing for you. 

Their tears and pleas are just ways to manipulate you. 

They twist the truth to fit their own version of reality, making themselves believe they miss you when they really miss the version of you they’ve imagined.

If you do give in and give them another chance, be prepared for more pain. 

They’ll direct their built-up anger towards you, blaming you for everything that’s gone wrong and seeking revenge. They’ll make you suffer even more than before. 

That’s what you’ll face if you let them back in.

With that, I conclude this article. Thank you for your time and attention. I’m Ryan, and remember you are not alone. Until then, focus on your healing journey and stay strong.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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