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How Narcissistic Relationships Slowly Fall Apart
This is common in every narcissistic relationship, where things get worse and worse until the relationship finally breaks and ends.
Narcissists thrive on unstable, unhealthy relationships that lack depth. They draw people in whether family, partners, neighbors, or coworkers with the goal of draining their energy, spirit, goals, drive, and self-confidence.
Imagine growing up with narcissistic parents, they didn’t support you. Instead, they tried to create divisions between you, your other parent, siblings, or your dreams.
They might have said things like, “You’ll never achieve anything. Why go to college if no one else in the family has? You’ll never be a successful, no one will take you seriously.” Their goal was to tear you down, not build you up, because they saw potential in you that you couldn’t see yourself when you were younger.
Coping with Self-Doubt and Achieving Success in Narcissistic Relationships
The narcissist saw quality in you a person full of kindness, drive, and potential for a happy, successful life. When you were young, you probably believed what you were taught, especially if you grew up in a stable, positive family where you saw good examples.
Now, consider the other side. If you grew up in a tough, negative, maybe narcissistic home, you know it wasn’t easy.
Despite this, you’ve made it far. You’ve likely achieved more than the narcissist ever expected. Maybe you’ve even surprised yourself with what you’ve accomplished, real successes that you should be proud of.
In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist tries to make you doubt yourself. They want you to think they’re stronger, smarter, and better than you.
When they succeed in making you doubt yourself, it’s really tough to deal with.
In these relationships, especially if you grew up with narcissistic parents, you often lose your own identity and sense of self. You obeyed your parents because they were your parents, and if they were narcissists, not obeying meant facing serious consequences.
The same happens in romantic relationships with narcissists.
They can’t truly love anyone but themselves. You might have felt stuck, like in a fog, giving too much and becoming a people-pleaser or always saying yes. You didn’t set clear boundaries and didn’t realize your own worth.
You hoped for affection during the love bombing phase to keep you compliant while they took your time, money, love, empathy, and more. They aimed to change you into what they wanted, a compliant puppet. In these relationships, you realize things get worse the longer you stay.
The Slow Descent into Narcissistic Abuse
It was simple, the narcissist knew they had you trapped. They had already pushed you into the devaluation stage. Maybe you married them, moved away, had kids, started a business, or loaned them money ties that kept you connected out of kindness or trust.
You didn’t realize narcissism was so common, and you fell for someone who couldn’t love you back.
You noticed the relationship getting worse day by day, week by week, maybe year by year, it wasn’t improving. You faced more toxicity, gaslighting, triangulation, rage, smear campaigns, and found yourself in unexpected places like mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially.
You were abused, dealing with something that you didn’t prepare for.
No matter how hard you tried and having serious talks, keeping your vows, or trying to move forward, the relationship didn’t get better. Instead, the narcissist pulled away, smirking with dark, empty eyes, seeming to enjoy your suffering while continuing their hurtful behavior.
The narcissist knows what they’re doing and understands the relationship won’t last forever.
They choose when to end it, keep you hanging on, or see if you’ll catch on to their true colors. Usually, a narcissistic relationship ends dramatically. It crashes, often with you being discarded, which is one of life’s toughest experiences.
The entire relationship was hard.
When it ends, it’s unlike anything you’ve faced because you invested all your love, hope, and empathy in someone who discarded it all.
They took your goodness and dreams, crushing them like thrown-away paper.
I mention this not to upset you but to recognize how tough being discarded is. Ending the relationship is equally difficult. Every narcissistic relationship eventually ends, it’s just a matter of when and how.
The narcissist often tries to drain your resources before and after discarding you to keep you stuck and prevent healing.
They don’t want you to realize you engaged or married a narcissist or understand how they intentionally caused the relationship to fall apart over time.
Understanding Narcissistic Manipulation and the Path to Healing
The narcissist is fully aware of their actions. They expertly manipulate people, targeting those who are oblivious to their tactics. Their victims are often empaths, though not always. These are individuals seeking something and typically in a vulnerable state.
Many people encounter narcissists at significant events like weddings or funerals, or when they move to new towns, communities, or jobs.
When you’re vulnerable and don’t know about narcissism, you miss the red flags.
You don’t recognize things like triangulation or smear campaigns because you had no reason to. But now, unfortunately, you know them well because you’ve lived through them and learned the jargon of narcissistic abuse.
After such a relationship, the priority is to heal.
The narcissist doesn’t need to heal. They knew the relationship was falling apart every day and that their true colors would eventually be revealed.
They expected you to realize the relationship was harmful, not necessarily to understand narcissism, but to feel trapped and isolated, possibly alone in the home where you built your life. It’s a tough and unpleasant place to be.
If this sounds familiar, share your thoughts in the comments.
Healing isn’t easy or instant, it takes time. You will heal, but you need to slow down, set boundaries, and realize that some people who left your life after the narcissistic relationship might have enjoyed seeing you struggle.
Some of these people are toxic too, while others believe the narcissist’s lies.
Sometimes, you may find people who truly support you. If you have someone like that, you are lucky. Many of us had no support and had to figure things out on our own.
We had to search for answers until we understood what was happening.
Narcissism is more than just thinking they’re the best. A narcissist is actually a coward, an empty shell who copies others and manipulates them into relationships. They trick and trap people to get what they want.
The Narcissist’s Hoovering Tactics and the Fantasy of Good Times
When you’re discarded or the relationship ends, it exposes the narcissist’s weakness. Ever wonder why they try to pull you back in? They doubt you can break free from their control and fear showing their own vulnerability.
They test if you’ll fall for their charm again and re-enter the cycle of abuse, don’t give in to their attempts to reconnect.
The narcissist plays mind games testing your recovery, your trust in their false image, and whether you’ll endure more mistreatment.
Remember, being hoovered back never benefits you, just like the entire narcissistic relationship never did. While there were some good moments, they weren’t genuine.
Behind those times, the narcissist was using someone else maybe you, a coworker, or someone new they could replace you with.
These fleeting good times are part of their pattern of abuse.
If you list the pros and cons of the narcissistic relationship, you’ll see a clear truth. The narcissist knows the relationship is falling apart, especially when you set boundaries, call them out, or refuse to play their games.
When you confront them with proof, they struggle to manipulate you as they did before. They need people who believe in their false image, so they’ll move on to find someone new who falls for their deceitful tactics.
This person, who was you, is tired of pretending.
They’ve taken everything they could from you and now they’re moving on. They’ve already found a few potential replacements lined up. From their comfortable spot on the couch upstairs, they’ll text these new options to see who responds first and is most eager to take your place.
This is how narcissists operate, they jump from one person to the next leaving chaos in their wake. They only care about themselves, ensuring this destructive cycle continues.
These relationships will eventually fall apart.
Over time, people realize they were involved with a narcissist. Maybe not right away, but eventually, everyone’s true nature comes to light.
Remember when you first realized you were with a toxic person, a narcissist? That discovery led you to learn and become aware. Now you see, “That’s who they really were all along.”
They revealed their true colors, especially when they discarded you.
Always remember, a narcissist will use anything important to you like relationships, money, time, empathy, or dreams against you. They target what matters most to manipulate and control you.
Reclaiming Yourself After a Narcissistic Relationship
That’s why when you understand and cut off all ties like blocking, deleting, and ending connections with everyone involved, including their supporters. You’ll start to regain your energy, health, and clarity.
The narcissists will move on to find new people to use, if they haven’t already.
The key point here, before finishing, is to realize that every narcissistic relationship eventually falls apart. You might think, “But Ryan, my ex has been happily engaged or married for more than several years now.”
It may seem that way, but behind closed doors, it’s not always happy.
Remember how it felt when you were with the narcissist? Constant gaslighting, ignoring your needs, and tense moments were the norm because they wanted to control you.
They aimed to suppress your freedom, authenticity, and emotions, seeing these as weaknesses.
Their goal was to mold you into their image, erasing who you truly are.
I emphasize the “losing yourself” part because that’s what often happens in these relationships. You become a shadow of who you were, sometimes only realizing it later, after the chaos settles, and you can’t believe you endured it.
It can feel unreal, like a nightmare.
This realization often dawns after ending a narcissistic relationship, when clarity emerges. It’s a time when you see how lucky you are that the narcissist didn’t completely break you. They may have held you captive during the relationship, which did get worse over time.
Wrap it up
In a healthy relationship, strength comes from trust, love, honesty, and shared goals. But in a narcissistic relationship? It’s like building on shaky ground, an unstable foundation.
The narcissist understands this well.
Before I wrap up, consider this. If the narcissist truly cared, they would have kept their promises, whether Engagement or wedding vows or parental duties.
Instead, they diverted your attention from your promising future.
Think about it, a stable relationship involves mutual support towards common goals. That’s the opposite of what happens in a narcissistic dynamic.
There, they confuse you, spread rumors, manipulate others against you, and try to mold you into someone you’re not. They punish you for being yourself, thinking you won’t notice.
So, that’s the article. I’m Ryan Hwa a writer who helps people recover from narcissistic abuse. Remember, that true change begins with a spark. The narcissistic relationship was falling apart, even if you didn’t want to admit it.
You noticed the issues, saw their true colors, sensed something was wrong, but couldn’t explain their behavior. They knew this, they were the ones causing harm, seeking new people to manipulate. Your pain pleased them, your discomfort satisfied them.
I hope you found this article interesting and useful.
Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤
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