There is a very long list of things that the narcissist destroys. I’ll jump right into it.

The first thing the narcissist destroyed was your trust. You used to trust them, just like you trust most people, until you met that narcissistic person who betrayed you. They promised one thing but did something completely different.

Remember, the narcissist usually came to you pretending to be someone they’re not, manipulating and trapping you in their selfish world.

They made you believe they genuinely cared about you, maybe even loved you. They made it seem like they shared your dreams and goals, pretending to be just like you to make you trust them.

But here’s the thing, the narcissist wants you to be attached to them, but they never truly care about anyone else.

They change their appearance and personality to fit different situations, but deep down they’re always the same. Manipulative and deceitful, they break trust without hesitation. The narcissist kept testing you to see if you’d give them another chance, if you’d believe their empty promises of change.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say things, but what they do matters most. Trust was shattered by the narcissist.

The Devastation Wrought by Narcissistic Relationships

Another thing that often gets destroyed is your home life. Maybe you married a narcissist or had narcissistic parents or siblings, or perhaps both. Growing up in a narcissistic household means living with constant toxicity that feels normal.

You probably played the role of the empath, always dealing with problems caused by the narcissist, whether it was your mom, sibling, or others.

You were the one expected to fix things while others ignored the issues.

If you were married to a narcissist or engaged, it was similar. You didn’t realize they were a narcissist when you married them. If they had been upfront about their history and intentions, you might have left.

Instead, they came in pretending to be someone else, taking over your life.

These are just a couple of the things that get destroyed. Another casualty is the relationship itself. The narcissist kept pushing the abuse, using tactics like lying, ignoring you, and not talking to you.

They also used lies and other ways to keep you trapped. This is what they do, it’s what they’ve done, what they’re doing, and what they’ll always do. Remember, in the cycle of abuse, the problem is the narcissist, not you.

Stuck in the Devaluation Phase, Understanding Narcissistic Manipulation

You were in that relationship for a while, and you were trapped. You weren’t really living, you were just surviving in the devaluation stage where the narcissist kept you. Remember, Narcissism wasn’t something you learned beforehand, so you didn’t know what you were dealing with.

Maybe you were someone who always tried to please others or believed in the best of people, not realizing that some don’t care about your well-being especially toxic narcissists.

Your relationship suffered too.

While you were in it, you felt something wasn’t right but couldn’t quite figure it out. Every time you got close to understanding, the narcissist would shower you with fake love, empathy, or kindness, or give you fleeting moments of happiness to distract you from seeing their true intentions.

This is how they operate.

Remember, the narcissistic abuse starts with a phase of overwhelming love and attention, where everything feels perfect a dream of happiness and beauty.

It’s too good to be true because, well, it is.

Once the narcissist feels in control, they drag you into a phase of destruction, the fog of devaluation. That’s where much of your relationship was spent until it ended. Sometimes, they try to lure you back with a Hoover. Never, and I mean never, give in to a Hoover.

Lost Trust, Rebuilding After Narcissistic Abuse

That’s why in almost every article I write, I strongly suggest that people go no contact. Block the narcissist, delete them, and remove anyone connected to them because the narcissist never cared about your well-being then, now, or in the future.

Despite all your efforts, your relationship fell apart.

You did everything possible and gave endlessly, but there was nothing more you could have done. Remember, every narcissistic relationship will eventually end, and you’re beginning to realize this now.

The narcissist always knew this, they had a plan for how long the relationship would last.

Would it end when the kids grew up? When you or they retired? When you bought that beach house in Bali? When you saw through their fake persona?

The cycle of narcissistic abuse is complicated, with many layers. Just understanding that the relationship was destined to end someday is a tough truth to grasp.

Another thing the narcissist destroyed was your trust in humanity.

I know that’s really difficult to accept. Some people on the healing journey often ask me, “Are there any good people out there Ryan?” They’re kind, loving, stable individuals who have survived narcissistic abuse.

They just want real friendships, companionship, or maybe to find love with someone stable and healthy. But everywhere they turn, they encounter toxicity or people who drain their energy like vampires.

Setting Boundaries, Empathy and Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

To answer your question, yes, there are genuinely good people all over the world, and I’m sure you’re one of them, unless you’re a narcissist. If you are, please avoid engaging here, this space isn’t for you. Assuming you’re not a narcissist, there are like-minded individuals out there, though they’re rare to find.

Good people exist.

But remember who you’re becoming: someone who understands narcissistic abuse and is healing from it. You’re moving past the pain caused by the narcissist and focusing on yourself.

You still have empathy, but now you use it wisely.

You save it for loved ones and those who reciprocate not just anyone who asks. In the past, we often gave too much in narcissistic relationships, even before understanding narcissism.

But now we set boundaries, We can confidently say no. Saying no to others means saying yes to yourself. Remember, no is a complete sentence.

The things I’m discussing what the narcissist destroyed include breaking you and your relationships with your children or stepchildren. They caused rifts between you, leading to parental alienation.

If you’re a grandparent, maybe you can’t see your own children or grandchildren because your narcissistic child prevents it. This issue is complex and has many layers to unpack.

Sabotaging Meaningful Connections, The Narcissist’s Agenda

Another thing the narcissist wanted to destroy was your meaningful relationships, especially those involving children. Narcissists often don’t care about their own kids, instead they try to create problems between you and the children.

They’re jealous and not good parents, they avoid spending time with the kids and stop grandparents from teaching values and holding them accountable.

Narcissists isolate people on purpose.

They want to cut you off from your support like your friends, community, or even move you to a new place. At the start of the relationship, they make you doubt yourself and lose your identity.

You end up always apologizing, listening to them, doing all the chores, handling money, grocery shopping, and more.

This is how narcissists test you and break down relationships while secretly looking for new attention elsewhere.

You may not have known before what “supply” meant to a narcissist, but now you understand it’s not about things like cleaning supplies. It’s about your energy, time, money, effort, and love, everything that makes you who you are.

The Narcissist’s Need for Constant Attention and Control

Narcissists thrive on disrupting your daily life, making you focus solely on them always longing for their attention, responding instantly to their texts, dropping everything when they call, even leaping up when they arrive.

They constantly seek new things to grab attention, expecting everyone to notice them whenever they walk in or speak.

They believe they own those they trap in a trauma bond, convinced no one can escape their control or see through their false front.

This also applies to physical possessions.

For instance, if you had a treasured mirror or a favorite pair of running shoes, carefully stored away, you might discover them suddenly missing or damaged one day. The narcissist could pretend not to know anything about it, acting innocent.

Undermining Your Possessions, The Narcissist’s Subtle Acts of Sabotage

If you kept a cherished family photo album in your travel bag, one day you might discover it’s missing or damaged. The narcissist likely sabotaged it intentionally because it held sentimental value, passed down through generations.

They might also hide or discard your belongings to prevent you from cherishing them.

Think about your guitar, many people notice scratches, broken strings, or missing tuning pegs that they never had before being with a narcissist.

These are real-life examples of how things subtly change in a narcissistic relationship, where the narcissist tries to undermine everything, even you.

Did they succeed? No, because you’re here, learning and growing in this community on Medium.

You’re putting yourself first, setting boundaries, and no longer surrounding yourself with toxicity. Whether you’re healing or already thriving, you’re now focused on activities that uplift and empower you like taking classes, teaching, reading, writing, and doing what makes you happy.

Rising Strong, Healing and Growth

Remember what I said before, the narcissist tried to destroy you. Unfortunately, others have been broken by narcissists before, but I won’t delve into that now.

You bounce back, healed, and rose above it all like a phoenix.

You faced the cycle of narcissistic abuse without knowing what you were dealing with. But you conquered it, you’ve cut off contact and what can the narcissist say now? They failed.

They threw everything at you, trying to separate you from everything that mattered.

They saw your health decline, your finances suffer, and your relationships fall apart. Despite it all you’re still here, stronger, louder, and more resilient than they ever imagined. Yes, that’s who you are now, or who you’re becoming.

This is when doors of opportunity, abundance, and possibility begin to open for you.

It’s not just after the relationship ends that you rebuild yourself, it’s after you accept who the narcissist is and how they affected your life.

You healed, worked through old wounds, wrote in your journal, meditated, prayed, got therapy, educated yourself, and slowed down. In your own time, you healed. Looking back, you might wish you never went through it, but it’s part of your story, making you stronger today.

Financial Devastation, How Narcissists Exploit and Drain Resources

The narcissist tried their best to destroy you, but they couldn’t because you’re still here. They wanted to destroy everything about you like your spirit, energy, soul, and even your finances.

Maybe you went from running a profitable business with steady income and savings, to facing skyrocketing expenses, significant debts, and having to sell assets just to stay afloat.

Narcissists love money, especially yours.

They believe what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is also theirs. You didn’t realize this back then, which kept you in the relationship, giving endlessly, hoping things would get better and stop falling apart.

Despite all your efforts to keep the relationship going, the narcissist eventually succeeded in destroying it, whether you left or they did.

Before they met you, during your relationship, and possibly still today, narcissists cause chaos in people’s lives. They compete with romantic partners, children, grandchildren, neighbors, and even people in their hobby groups or community.

Finding Your Strength, Acknowledging Your Inner Resilience Through Narcissistic Abuse

The narcissist sees people as chances to exploit looking them as weak, naive, and easy targets. These views hold true until we gain wisdom, often after enduring narcissistic abuse. Did we choose to go through that? Absolutely not. Yet, here we are, healing or still on the journey to healing.

Now, we recognize our strength and resilience.

We weren’t shattered, we were hurt, damaged, but not broken. That’s why we’re part of this community, and why I often encourage in my articles: take care of yourself, rebuild.

Think of it like being caught in a storm at sea, with a life preserver thrown your way. You can’t save anyone else until you’ve secured your own safety first.

Similarly, in narcissistic relationships, no one came to check on us.

No many checked on me, and I’m sure no many checked on you either. That realization pushed us to look deep inside, to heal and recover. Because we weren’t destroyed, we were hurt, damaged, but not broken then and now.

Wrap it up

So everyone, that’s the article. This is Ryan, true change begins with a spark. If this is your first time reading an article like this, know that feeling broken doesn’t mean you are. It shows you’re in a tough spot and need healing from the narcissistic abuse cycle and the relationship with the narcissist.

But remember, I’ve been where you are now.

I rebuilt myself, if I could do it, so can you. Don’t give up, never give up. You’re stronger than you realize, resilient, committed, focused, determined, moving forward, healing, and growing stronger every day.

Every day you stay away from the narcissist, they lose power, and you gain strength.

As you heal, they become smaller and weaker, with less impact on your life. Eventually, they’ll be insignificant, they belong in the past. Close that chapter with the narcissistic person or people and start living your best life.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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