The relationship was not strong, and no matter what you gave, it always felt like it could break. You were hoping for something better, a dream of what you wanted it to be, but in the end, you saw the truth. You couldn’t fix something that was already falling apart.
Being with someone who doesn’t care about you takes a lot of your energy. They say they love you, but inside, they just feel anger and jealousy. They pretend to care, but their actions show they don’t. It’s hard to believe because you want to trust them, but everything they do tells you something different.
Back then, you didn’t know about narcissism. You didn’t learn about it, and you didn’t know how to explain what was happening. You opened your heart, thinking that person was genuine.
Maybe you are someone who cares a lot about others, and you gave everything to that relationship. It didn’t matter who they were, a family member, a friend, a colleague, or someone in a community, you were yourself. You were true to yourself, but you didn’t see the control behind it all.
They observed you, used you, and then moved on like you never mattered.
The narcissist had a plan, but they didn’t show their true self. They paid close attention to you, like watching your every move. They wanted to know everything like your dreams, your future plans, your relationships, and your family. They paid close attention to everything you did, all while thinking about how they could use it against you later.
They weren’t just watching, they were waiting for the right moment to twist everything you told them for their own benefit. When you don’t know about narcissism, you are left open. You trust people, thinking they will do the right thing and not take advantage of you.
But the narcissist was hiding behind a mask, waiting for you to walk straight into their trap without even knowing it.
After leaving a narcissist, you begin to see how many people try to take advantage of you. It’s not only narcissists, there are scammers everywhere. They promise you amazing ideas, products that will change your life, and deals that sound too good to be true. But in the end, it’s all fake, like a show with no real value.
The scammers today are very different from those you might imagine from the past. They don’t sell fake medicine from a wagon or on the street anymore. Now, they are all over the internet. They are on dating apps, social media, and in your everyday life.
They could be anyone, your neighbor, a coworker, or a stranger you meet on the street. They always have something to sell, telling you it will change your life, but in the end, they give you nothing.
We live in a time where people don’t want to take responsibility for their actions, everyone seems to blame others instead of owning up to what they’ve done. And guess who’s the best at blaming everyone else? The narcissist.
They know how to take control of things, they twist the truth and make you doubt yourself with gaslighting. They stay quiet to hurt you, spread lies to make you look bad, and bring other people into your problems to confuse things. They blame you for their own mistakes and copy your behavior to make you feel unsure. They’ll do anything to keep you stuck in their bad, toxic pattern.
This is exactly what the narcissist wanted.
When you were in that relationship, you didn’t know what was happening. You didn’t know about narcissism, and you gave too much of yourself. Maybe you were always trying to make everyone happy, always saying yes, or maybe you didn’t know how to say no. Saying no felt hard, but remember, when you say no to something or someone, you’re saying yes to your own peace.
But at that time, it was already too late.
The narcissist had already moved you into the bad stage, right after the happy and loving part of the relationship was over. Once they got what they wanted from you, they stopped pretending. That’s when the emotional hurt and manipulation started.
But why did this happen? You gave everything, but it was never enough. You ended up with nothing because the narcissist took it all. Your health got worse, you couldn’t think clearly, your friends started disappearing, your money was going down, your position in life got worse, you lost your confidence, and worst of all, you stopped trusting people.
Everything was falling apart around you. But still, you kept going. You used your kindness, your care, your loyalty, your strength, and your will to keep trying for the narcissist, still trying to fix the relationship.
They were always watching you, paying attention to everything. They knew when the relationship was going to change or when it was going to end. They were already making plans for what to do next, looking for someone new to make them feel important or preparing their next person.
Maybe they where somewhere late at night, like when no one normal would be there. But in truth, they were probably out finding someone else to get attention from. While they pulled away from you more and more, you kept wanting them more, trying harder to get their attention. This is the toxic part, the dangerous pattern of a narcissistic relationship.
They took everything from you, but it was never enough for them.
Before you met the narcissist, your life was going well. You were happy and everything was peaceful. You had a good balance in life, your health was fine, and you knew where you were going, you had a clear idea of what you wanted and felt confident.
Then, something changed.
Maybe you had a big life event, like moving to a new place, losing someone close, or retiring. Maybe you just felt like slowing down and taking better care of yourself. Or maybe you started a new project, joined a new group or community, or started a new hobby. Whatever it was, your life changed.
That was the moment everything shifted. You thought you were making a good choice for yourself, and honestly, you probably were until the narcissist came along. The narcissist watched you, both from far away and close.
They paid attention to everything about you, how you acted, what you said, who you were with, how kind you were, and if you gave too much. Once they understood you and figured out how to get what they wanted, that’s when they started getting closer.
This is when they usually start to act like they’re the victim. They’d say things like,
“My life has been so hard. My childhood was bad, and you’ve had it easy.”
“I’m struggling with money, and I don’t know how to pay my bills. Can you help me?”
“If you could help me start my business, it would mean so much to me.”
“Could you teach me what you do? I want to learn from you.”
Do you see? The narcissist is good at pretending. They know how to take from people who don’t know what a narcissist is like.
So, why was it never enough? Why did you give and give, and feel like you had nothing left? The truth is, the narcissist drained everything from you. They took your energy, love, time, money, and even your relationships, leaving you feeling empty.
You became just a tool for them. You were always there to help, always apologizing, always giving without receiving anything in return. You were their free worker, helping them keep their life going without seeing how much it was costing you.
You gave all that you could, but the narcissist will never say, “Wow, you did so much for me. Maybe now I should do something for you.” They don’t think like that, they can’t. They’re like vampire, draining everything from you. They’ll just keep draining, then ask, “What have you done for me recently?”
When you try to remind them of what you did, like, “Remember the trip to Pari Island or Bali?” or “What about the other trip we took?” they won’t care. They’ll say something like, “That was so long ago, you didn’t have to do that. Why even mention it?”
It’s so confusing when you hear those words from someone you cared about. You can’t believe it, because when you planned the trip, both of you were excited. But when the trip happened, maybe it was cut short, or maybe they ignored you or acted badly, and the whole thing just didn’t go as you thought.
After the trip, they suddenly changed their story. They’d say something like, “That trip was boring, I didn’t have fun.” And they’d blame you, making you feel like you were the reason it was ruined. They’d say you care too much, or that you’re too nice or always trying to please. And without you even realizing, they’d make it feel like the relationship was your fault all along.
That’s why it will never be enough for a narcissist.
They are always looking for something new and exciting, something to fill the empty space inside them. They are already thinking about the next relationship while finding ways to leave the one they are in. They know how to leave quickly, without caring about who they hurt.
They want to keep you confused, stuck in their lies, so you can’t see the truth. They want you to keep asking yourself what went wrong, wondering why they left, and waiting for them to come back. What they are really scared of is you healing, they don’t want you to see who they really are. They don’t want you to stop talking to them or leave them behind, but those are the things you need to do to start healing.
You gave everything, but now it’s time to take your power back.
You may not see it now, but you are actually one of the lucky ones. Why? Because you’re starting to understand more. You are in the right place, learning, meeting others, and getting stronger every day. You are waking up to the truth, understanding more, and taking control of your life.
Not everyone gets here, many people never see the signs. But you? You are one of the few who figured it out. You are one of the smart, strong, and tough ones, the person who didn’t let the narcissist break you, no matter what they tried.
No matter how much you gave, it was never enough for the narcissist. That relationship you were in? It was always going to end, sooner or later. When these kinds of relationships fall apart, it’s not easy, and it’s not peaceful. It’s painful, full of confusion. Being pushed away or seeing everything fall apart hurts a lot.
This is the part where you need to heal, be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. Remember, no matter what you gave, it would never be enough. Even if you had everything in the world, it wouldn’t matter. The narcissist would always look for something or someone new.
Once they got what they wanted from you, they lose interest. They don’t care about something real or long-lasting. They just want to keep you stuck, confused, and in a fog, never letting you see the truth. This is how they play with your mind, using tactics to confuse you and keep you unsure.
Let’s discuss about the Hoover. I’ve written about this a lot recently, especially with the holidays (Ramadan) coming soon. The holiday Hoover is well-known because the narcissist may come back out of nowhere, trying to get you back.
I’m not telling they will come back for sure, but you need to be ready. Stay strong, not just for the holidays, but all year. Narcissists often come back around holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or any special day that means something to you.
If you haven’t blocked them yet, you might get one of their usual messages when they try to contact you, “Miss you,” “thinking about you,” “hey, how are you?” or “What’s up?”
These messages are nothing, they’re empty and fake. But if you’re not careful, these messages can make you think, “Are they really thinking about me? Do they still care?” The truth is, it’s all a game. They don’t care, it’s just another way to keep you stuck and confused.
That’s why you need to go no contact, block them, and cut them out completely. Don’t leave any chance for them to reach you, even block the flying monkeys or anyone connected to them. You can’t keep letting them have access to you.
The holiday Hoover? It’s a trap. Trust me, it can really derail your healing and hurt you more than you think if you don’t stay no contact. So, what are you waiting for?
If you’ve realized you were in a toxic relationship, maybe with a narcissist and you haven’t cut them out yet, now is the time. But take it easy on yourself, give yourself the time you need to heal.
Remember, no matter how much you gave, they always find a way to say it wasn’t enough. Whatever you did, it was never enough for them. And if you didn’t do something, that also wasn’t enough.
Talking to the trees is much more peaceful than talking to a narcissist. The trees and nature, they listen to me without making trouble.
But with a narcissist, everything is different. You will get blamed, they will blame you for everything, and you will always argue. You might get angry, hear doors slam, see things thrown, or even worse like physical, emotional, financial, or mental abuse. They twist everything because they know deep down you are right.
The problem is, you can never have a real talk with a narcissist. They don’t know how to have a calm, real conversation. It’s just not possible for them. They can’t face the truth, they don’t want to say when they’re wrong. They never see that everything you did for them was enough.
Instead, they make you feel like it wasn’t enough. They make you think you should’ve done more, given them more chances, or told yourself that they really loved you.
But the truth is, narcissists don’t really love anyone. They feel empty inside, they don’t have real feelings for others. They only care about themselves, and no matter what you do, it will never be enough for them.
The turning point comes when you’re totally tired. You’ve given everything, and there’s nothing more to give. That’s when you think, “I did my best. I gave it all. There’s nothing else to do.” That’s when things start to change. You finally leave that relationship, maybe even stop talking to them forever.
But remember, this is part of your journey. There are lessons you needed to learn from this. Don’t focus on what you could’ve done differently or what will happen next, focus on now. You had to go through this experience.
It was meant to happen, even if it feels strange. Maybe you think, “What if I had taken another road?” But you couldn’t have avoided this path, this was the way you needed to go. Even if it feels like there was another way, this is the path that brought you here.
You have to accept things as they are, not how you wish they would be. It’s important to see the world for what it truly is, not how you dream it to be. This is what radical acceptance really means. And this is the moment when you start truly grasping what narcissism is all about.
A relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest, most exhausting experiences you’ll ever face. It will stretch you to your breaking point, but when you finally escape that cycle, when you rise like a phoenix from the ashes, heal, and begin to rebuild yourself.
You won’t be the same person, you’ll emerge as a completely new version of yourself. Stronger, more resilient, someone who’s been through the struggle and came out the other side stronger. This transformation is rare, not everyone will make it through. But if you’re willing, it’s there for you to claim.
