They do this by making you confused, feeling guilty, or hoping things will get better. But nothing really change. It’s like walking in a circle, you try to move on but somehow you end up back thinking about them. Even when they gone it still feel like they there, making it hard to be free.
I don’t want to upset you, but let’s be real this isn’t a regular breakup. A narcissist relationship doesn’t end with a deep talk, a handshake, and moving on. No, it ends with a problem, full of drama and confusion. One day everything feel okay, and next day, boom! It all crash, that is discard.
And if you are the one who leave, you know it not easy. You don’t just wake up, pack your bag, and ask for help like nothing happen. No, it don’t work like that. That’s why if you still in this and want to go, you need a real plan. You cannot just leave like that.
That’s why this kind of relationship feel so different. Being with a narcissist not just about fighting or small problem, it’s about being stuck in their game. You go through gaslighting, lies, silent treatment, sudden anger, blaming, and many other bad things. It not just toxic, it make you so tired.
And don’t get it wrong, the narcissist know what they doing. They plan from the start, they do it now, and they will do it again. Maybe you think, “But what do they really want?” Simple, they want control. They want people to believe their fake image, to stay confused, to keep hoping they will change. But they don’t change, they only want more chance to keep playing their game.
The narcissist was never really there for you, they just took everything and left you empty.
The narcissist is like a vacuum that never stops, always taking and never giving back. No matter how much they get, it’s never enough, and they always find a way to ask for more.
When you were with them, you probably thought, “Why is this one person always the problem?” It could have been your partner, family, a friend, a coworker, or anyone else, but they always seemed to be the cause of your stress. Now it’s clear, these people are not just hard to deal with but they drain your energy.
They are like to play with your emotions, always changing to suit what they want, and they know exactly how to control you.
When you were with the narcissist, even though you lived together, it felt like you were invisible. You’d sit right next to them, but it was like they were somewhere far away, not really there.
Maybe you’d try to talk or watch a movie or series together, hoping for some time together. They’d say “Yeah, sounds good” but after a few minutes, they’d be gone. You’d look up, and they’d be in another room, talking on the phone, laughing at something on their phone, texting, or looking at memes.
They were always on their gadgets, smartphones, tablets, laptops, anything to not be with you. Sometimes, they’d even go out to talk to others, looking for more attention. It was like you couldn’t reach them, even though they were right there.
They were not really there with you, not in the way you needed. Even if they sat next to you, their mind was somewhere else. They pretended to care, but you could feel the distance. And nothing feels worse than loving someone who becomes your worst nightmare.
They say they love you, but really, it’s just a way to control you. They know exactly how to make you feel guilty, blame you for everything, make you doubt yourself, ignore you, or play games like involving other people to confuse you.
The sad truth is, you didn’t know what you were dealing with. No one told you about people like this, maybe you thought a narcissist was just someone who liked looking at themselves in the mirror. But it’s much worse. A narcissist is someone who destroys others, crushing their dreams, peace, health, time, and relationships. They want everything, and they will take whatever they can from you.
You might think, “Hey Ryan, you’re being too harsh here” but really, I’m not. If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know exactly what I’m saying. These kinds of relationships always end badly. They are made so only one person gets what they want, and it’s never you, it’s the narcissist.
Over time, things don’t get better, they only get worse.
Maybe you tried to make the best of it, or you thought it wasn’t so bad when you were still together. I get it, I’ve been there. You probably made excuses for their actions, ignored the red flags, and put up with things that weren’t right. But back then, you didn’t know what a narcissist was, so you thought it was just how things were.
Now, things are getting clearer. We are learning how to see the cycle of narcissistic abuse. The power is with us now, right? It’s up to us to move on, heal, stay safe, set strong boundaries, and cut ties. It’s time to stop talking to them, block them, remove them from our life, and let go of anyone who supports them.
Back then, we didn’t see it but now we know the signs, and we’re never going back.
Before, we didn’t know what was happening. We didn’t know about narcissists, so we believed their sweet words, their nice promises. We thought they were real, but their words and actions never matched. It’s easy for someone to say nice things but do something totally different, hoping you don’t see it, hoping they can confuse you and make you doubt yourself.
That’s just one of their many games, but now you see it. Now, you understand. You can spot gaslighting before it even starts, you can sense bad energy before it reaches you. You’ve learned to watch how people act, how they move, how they talk. When you go to parties, family gatherings, or just hear someone speak, you can see through the fake and know who they really are.
Imagine you’re at a cafe, talking with someone maybe a friend, or maybe someone new, then their phone rings. They say, “Wait a second, I need to take this” and walk away. Sounds normal, right?
But later, you look over and see something strange. They’re in the corner, face getting red, talking fast, maybe tapping their foot or hitting the wall a little. You don’t need to hear the call to know, whoever is on the other side isn’t just talking, they’re controlling them.
The person puts their phone away, takes a deep breath, and after a few minutes, they come back smiling like nothing happened. “Hey, sorry about that. Just a quick call from my spouse (or someone),” they say.
You nod. “Everything okay?”
“Oh yeah, all good!” They laugh a little, but something feels off. “They just asked me to buy something, maybe a fried rice on the way home. No problem. Everything’s great! So happy!” But it doesn’t feel right.
Their words say one thing, but their face and body say something else. You start thinking, was that really just a normal call? Or was someone controlling them, telling them what to do?
The narcissistic abuse cycle is full of many layers, like peeling an onion slowly, little by little. What I said earlier? That’s just a small part of it. But think about it, at some point that was you.
Ask yourself, why wasn’t the partner with them at the cafe? That’s the first question. Then, why did the partner call and cause all this drama, ruining the good time? And why did the person keep making excuses for their partner, pretending everything was fine?
We may never get all the answers.
But what you do know is this, you’ve been through it, you lived it, and now you can see those red flags easily. You’ve learned to trust yourself and say, “I don’t want to go back there.” Because at one time, you were stuck in it. We all were, trapped in something we couldn’t understand. Not just the relationship, but the confusion and control that came with it.
Back then, it felt like we were just moving like a puppet, doing everything to make the narcissist happy. Making fried rice, getting instant noodles, while our good times were ruined. But we still had to pretend everything was fine, like nothing was wrong, like everything was perfect.
We made excuses, right? We told ourselves the relationship was good, trying to fix all the chaos the narcissist made. But then, we woke up. Now we understand. We see what real bad behavior is, and we don’t want any part of it. That’s why we set limits, that’s why we can say no and really mean it.
They won’t change, but we have and that’s why we’re free.
We’ve spent time learning, accepting, and healing. We’ve fixed ourselves by learning these tough lessons and realizing that all the chaos wasn’t our fault.
It felt like waiting for something bad to happen. The whole thing felt like it was not strong, like it was built on sand, and it was always going to break. Every narcissistic relationship always ends. But then, we start to realize: “Wait, I was that person too. I was stuck in the same situation. My phone kept ringing all the time, day and night. I lived in the fights, the silence, the bad words… everything.”
Now, things are different. Now, you have peace. You are not lost in the chaos anymore. Now, you have calm, happiness, and everything good.
Your circle is smaller now, but it’s full of people who really matter. You’ve removed the toxic people, and now you focus on those who bring real happiness into your life.
Remember, wherever you are in this healing journey, it’s not always easy or quick. It takes time, and that’s okay. Healing takes time, little by little.
Over time, you will heal, but only if you use the tools and support you find in this community. Healing from narcissistic abuse is not something you can do quickly. It’s not instant, like taking a pill or waving a magic wand to make everything better.
Starting a new relationship right after ending the toxic one will not help, you need time. Time to think, time to understand what happened, and most important, time to protect yourself. You have to create and keep your boundaries.
Healing means working on the deeper wounds, like the ones from childhood. You need to help yourself by seeing a therapist, doing praying or meditation, reading, watching videos that help you, and writing in a journal. These are things I did, and I still do. I really recommend you do the same.
We are all doing our best in this world, each person on their own journey, except for the narcissist, of course. If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you understand what it took to get into it, to stay in it, and to finally leave. But most important, you now understand what it took to heal and rebuild yourself, step by step, with strength and courage.
We’re not stuck in that cycle anymore. We’re not overthinking or missing the narcissist. And no, I’m not making jokes about missing them. We’ve set a clear boundary, we’ve gone no contact. We understand who they really are now, we decided to leave their toxic world for good. We don’t accept their behavior. We don’t agree with it, and we don’t want it in our lives anymore.
But the narcissist? They will keep doing their thing. They won’t change, they won’t look at themselves. They won’t admit what they did, they won’t grow. All they do is wear new masks, trying to manipulate someone else who doesn’t know what narcissism is.
That’s how the cycle keeps going, the narcissist stays the same in this whole thing. They know this too, they know they won’t change because changing means they would have to face the damage they’ve caused. They’d have to look at everything they’ve destroyed.
They might think to themselves, “Wow, I really ruined things with my kid, my partner, my parents. I ruined up my relationships at work, with neighbors, with the people who trusted me. I’m a walking disaster.” But they don’t care.
To them, there will always be new people they can control. That’s the sad truth for them, and they have no interest in changing.
Believe me, the narcissists will face what’s coming for them. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. They can’t keep ruining people’s lives, people’s dreams, health, and relationships without having to pay for it.
That day is coming. (A JUGMENT DAY)
Every night, they lay in bed with their distorted thoughts, knowing more and more people are seeing them for who they really are. People are realizing their lies, and the hardest part for them? More people are cutting them out. They’re blocking them, ignoring them, walking away. The truth is out, and they can’t hide anymore.
