To start, the first thing narcissists crave is confusion. They thrive when people around them are uncertain and unsure. Narcissists avoid stable, healthy relationships and prefer keeping others isolated and separated from each other.

They form small groups and deliberately isolate individuals. They use tactics such as gaslighting, silent treatment, and explosive anger to keep their targets confused. Their goal is to prevent anyone from seeing their true colors or recognizing they are in an abusive relationship.

This secrecy is why narcissists often wear masks and manipulate others, drawing new people into their harmful patterns every day.

Another essential need for narcissists is chaos. They thrive on disrupting people’s lives and enjoy causing disturbances during significant events like holidays.

While holidays are meant for joy and unity, narcissists seek to monopolize attention, creating turmoil wherever they go. They delight in seeing others struggle and defend themselves, constantly stirring up trouble.

The most effective response, once you understand their tactics and take action, is to cut off contact completely. Block them and anyone associated with them, including their allies. If cutting ties entirely isn’t possible, strategies like Grey Rock can help you become uninteresting to the narcissist, breaking free from their cycles of confusion and chaos.

The Narcissist’s Competitive Nature

They love for competition. Yes, competition. From the moment they meet you, they start seeing you as someone they need to compete against. Even now, they’re probably checking and stalking your social media, comparing the attention they’re getting now with what you used to give them.

As narcissists grow older each day, they come closer to facing the reality of aging.

The Aging Narcissist isn’t something they like to think about. When they look in the mirror, they see wrinkles, gray hairs, and signs of getting older.

They might think, “I had so many chances to make people’s lives better and improve relationships. Instead, I messed things up. I always try to make myself look better by using abuse and manipulation to get what I want. And when I’m done, I want even more, because I’m always competing with everyone.”

This need to compete affects everyone around them like spouses, children, friends, supporters, colleagues, and even people in their hobbies or communities.

For example, if you got a new hobby, business or job while you were with them, they probably felt the need to get the same thing with you, maybe in the same job or business but with more money. They’d say, “I have what you have because I can’t think of anything original. I’ll just make mine better than yours.”

Forcing Others to Agree

Think about the example I just gave. It’s one way to see how weak and fragile narcissists really are. They lack originality, stability, and depth. They’re rotten at their core, and they know it, we all know it too now.

Competition is another big trait.

Imagine this you had a spouse who might have been a narcissist. Maybe they had siblings who married younger partners. The narcissist might leave you because you were older, wanting someone younger like themselves.

Understand this, narcissists compete with everyone.

No one, absolutely no one, is safe from their harmful relationships. Not their supporters, not their enablers, not even their own family or coworkers. Narcissists will hurt anyone close to them or nearby.

Another thing narcissistic people do is pressure others to agree with them or do what they want.

This is when you try to make someone believe what you believe or do what you want. For instance, saying, “My songs are the best.”

Initially, they might disagree, but you subtly persuade them until they agree that your songs are better. Eventually, they end up liking your music taste because you convincing them into it.

Understanding How Narcissists Manipulate

Let’s talk about this for a moment because narcissists are skilled manipulators. They’re experts at convincing and breaking down people who don’t realize what narcissism is or how widespread it is worldwide.

Maybe that was you once, you didn’t know about narcissism. You didn’t understand that some people, especially narcissists, don’t care about your well-beings.

Narcissists thrive on taking things from others.

They want to disrupt lives and cut off important connections like health, family, time, money, and hobbies. They’re relentless in their desire to take from others.

In these relationships, you’re trapped into cycles of punishment and emotional ties that feel hard to break.

It’s like being led to a place where you’re treated harshly, but that’s exactly what the narcissist wants during the phase when they devalue you.

They create a reality that you didn’t know existed.

You trusted their mask, their promises, and their words. You believed they would follow through.

But once they trap you in an emotional bond, once you confess your love or make future plans like having kids or moving, they know they’ve got you hooked. They think to themselves, “I must be really good at this” seeing how quickly they’ve taken control.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Manipulative Tactics

While keeping someone stuck in the trauma bond or the devaluation stage, the narcissist starts looking for a new source of attention. They aim to make this new person fall in love with them, usually within one or two months.

Soon, they have multiple people, like action figures or super stars, wanting their attention, texting them, and wondering where they are.

The narcissist will play these individuals against each other, creating a constant stream of attention.

They can send a quick message to all their sources, and whoever responds first gets their focus for the day or week. They’ll give this person fake affection and kindness, while keeping the others hanging.

If one of these new people offers something valuable, like a trip or a gift, the narcissist will pretend to love them to get what they want, then discard them.

This is how narcissists think, this is how they manipulate people. Their tactics, like texting games and waiting games, are hard to understand when you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

You’re stuck in a cycle of manipulation, in a mess of destruction, and you don’t know how you got there.

Before you met the narcissist, your life was probably going smoothly, without drama or manipulation.

Then, you entered the narcissistic relationship, and your world turned upside down. Everything you knew became confusing, what was left is now right, what was up is now down.

You’re left trying to figure out how to get back to that euphoric love-bomb stage when everything seemed perfect, but that perfection only lasted until the manipulation began.

Narcissists Appear Attractive but Lack True Value

Imagine buying a used guitar that looks perfect on the outside with a shiny new finish. But it has faulty strings and poor sound quality, only playing well for a short time before sounding terrible. Despite its appealing exterior, it turns out to be a dud. You spent money on it, brought it home, and it quickly disappointed you.

You go back to the store, frustrated, only to be told, “The person who sold you the guitar isn’t here anymore.”

You realize you’ve been scammed.

This is what narcissists do. They may look great on the outside, but what truly matters is the inside. Narcissists lack substance, stability, and authenticity.

Narcissists can’t look at themselves honestly, take responsibility, or truly apologize.

They can’t grow or improve like you can. They seek out bright, positive people like you to drain your energy and positivity because they lack these qualities. They are empty inside and have nothing of real value.

The Narcissist’s Self-Centered Cycle

They competed with you, just like I always talk about in my article. They created chaos around you, confusing and pressuring you into doing things. They used many tactics, and the narcissist knew exactly what they were doing every day

They knew it then, and they still know it now.

They understand what they did to you, to the previous person they used, and what they plan to do with the next.

Every day, when they wake up or go to bed, they think about the damage they’ve caused, the lives they’ve ruined, and the relationships they’ve destroyed. Why do they do this? What’s the point?

I’ll tell you why: because it satisfies their need for attention, and they enjoy seeing others suffer.

Imagine playing that role over and over again. Deep down, narcissists are like spoiled children, stuck in a childish way of thinking. I don’t mean any disrespect to children, I was one once, and so were you.

But narcissists never grow out of this behavior.

They don’t know how to make others feel better, they only know how to bring them down.

When you had a health problem, was the narcissist there for you? Maybe, but probably not. They might have made excuses about visiting a long-lost relative or dealing with a small problem instead of supporting you.

This isn’t a joke or an attempt to upset you, it’s the truth.

Narcissists care only about themselves, your pain makes them feel better, and your suffering gives them energy. If your health declines, they might secretly feel satisfied because they don’t want you to succeed.

They don’t want anyone to get betterm that’s why escaping from a relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest challenges to overcome and heal from.

Recovery from Narcissistic Relationships

This is the kind of relationship you need to recover from. So take your time, think things through, write in a journal, the more you write the more you can share your story to inspire others, meditate, pray, see a therapist, heal old wounds, and more.

Set strong boundaries, protect yourself, and think carefully about the people around you like family, colleagues, neighbors, and others.

Some may not be who you think they are.

Some might envy or be jealous of you, and some could even be narcissists. Only a few truly care about you, many just don’t.

Before you got into narcissistic relationships, you probably didn’t know what narcissism was. You didn’t recognize signs like gaslighting, silent treatment, stonewalling, or triangulation (which I dislike the most among their tactics).

These are tools narcissists use to hurt those they trap in trauma or devaluation stages.

This is their routine, and they don’t change, grow, or get better. They aim to hurt as much as possible and move on, pretending past relationships never existed unless they try to draw you back in (which they call “Hoovering”).

Remember, don’t fall for a Hoover.

It’s when a narcissist tries to pull you back into a relationship, whether for a day, a week, or longer. They might be low on other sources of attention, thinking of you, or testing to see if you’ve seen through their act and healed.

That’s why I suggest often in my articles: cut contact, block them, delete them, and disconnect from anyone online connected to them.

Do it now if you can, because every moment spent in a narcissistic relationship is too long. Once you spot someone as a narcissist, whether a parent, sibling, coworker, or spouse, know this: they only get worse over time, never better. (It’s okay if you disagree now, but someday you will understand what I meant.)

The Narcissist’s Texting Games

So, these things I’m talking about like chaos, confusion, control, and coercion are what narcissists thrive on. Control, especially, is very important to them. They want to control your life, your relationships, who you talk to, and when you’re available.

Think about the texting games narcissists play.

In the beginning, during the love bombing stage, you might text them innocently like, “Hey, how are you? What are you doing?” They reply with overly affectionate texts, lots of cute emojis and hearts.

You might think, “This feels like too much for someone I just met.” But you’ve unknowingly entered the love bombing stage, you didn’t learn about this before.

You took a bite of the forbidden fruit and fell for it.

Next time, they send you two hearts or sweet kawaii emojis, and you send the same amount back. Then they send four hearts, and you reply with five, and so on.

Before you realize it, you’re sending 100 hearts, while they send none, because they know they’ve trapped you in the trauma bond. They pull back, this is their usual tactic.

Manipulation Tactics in Everyday Interactions

The cycle of narcissistic abuse repeats itself over and over again. It’s a pattern where the narcissist is the constant. They’re highly skilled at what they do, always refining their manipulation tactics with everyone they interact with like professionals, mechanics, doctors, coworkers, airplane passengers, and more.

They manipulate anyone and everyone, always testing boundaries and playing games.

For example, imagine dining with a narcissist in a romantic relationship. They often engage in triangulation, involving you with other couples, the waitstaff, the restaurant manager, or even their phone (a tactic not often discussed but important).

Their aim is to make you feel insecure and unsettled, waiting for you to question their actions like, “Why you ignored me?”

When confronted, they’ll accuse you of being insecure, dismiss your concerns, and make excuses like needing a moment on their phone or saying you need therapy.

You’re left with two choices: stay silent and endure the discomfort, which many people do, or speak up.

If you choose to speak up, be prepared the evening may escalate into an argument, you’ll get the silent treatment afterward, and there may be consequences for standing up for yourself.

Later, before you fully realize they’re a narcissist, you might find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, taking blame for their behavior. They’re experts at making others believe their false image and stories, a skill honed through many encounters before.

Setting Boundaries with Narcissists, Why It’s Challenging and Crucial

When you set a boundary with a narcissist, it often doesn’t go well. They might ignore you, disappear for days or weeks, or even break off the relationship completely. Narcissists can’t handle boundaries because they won’t respect them. They’ll push against your limits and expect you to tolerate their behavior until you see through it.

They won’t listen because they simply don’t care.

That’s why narcissists always need attention from others. They depend on people to manage their feelings and may use multiple phones to manipulate situations.

They never change, never think about what they do, and never improve.

Knowing the final essential needs of the narcissistic abuse cycle is crucial. These experiences are important, and wherever they go, narcissists continue to harm others.

If you’ve escaped such a relationship, be thankful and understand the importance of cutting off contact.

Recognize that narcissists only get worse, they can’t get better. And remember, never give in to a Hoover. If you haven’t faced one, see it as a sign of strength to maintain no contact.

If you have in the past, be kind to yourself because you didn’t know then what you do now. Now that you understand, you can’t ignore the truth about Hoovers and their harmful effects.

Wrap it up

So, keep moving forward each day. Continue healing, learning, growing, teaching, taking classes, sharing knowledge, reading, and writing, continue living free from narcissistic relationships.

Everyone, that’s the piece. This is Ryan, true change begins with a spark. Remember, we once didn’t know about narcissism, but now we’re equipped with knowledge to help ourselves and others.

I appreciate all of you. Thank you so much for your time and support, you are the ones who keep me motivated every day to share and write for all of you.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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