Let’s talk about why people are drawn to narcissists. After being in a relationship with a narcissist, or even during one, you often wonder: “How did I end up like this after a narcissistic relationship” This question is hard because it usually means something went wrong or isn’t going as planned. It’s a tough question to think about.

In a relationship with a narcissist, everything feels upside down: what’s right seems wrong, and what should be stable is chaotic. The narcissist offers no real support but instead makes empty promises, manipulates with lies, ignores you, shuts you out, and reacts explosively.

You work hard day after day, week after week, maybe even year after year, trying to fix things, but the narcissist gives nothing in return.

Their goal is to drive a wedge between you and everything important to you like your time, money, energy, love, friends, and even your financial security, taking everything they can.

Eventually, you might wonder how you got into this situation, looking in the mirror and asking, “How did this happen?”

You ended up like this because you got involved with someone who never cared about your well-being then, now, or in the future.

That’s why I often recommend cutting ties completely: go no-contact, block them, and distance yourself from anyone who supports their behavior. It’s about protecting yourself and finding peace away from their influence.

Trapped in the Narcissist’s Illusion, How I Lost Myself Along the Way

When you wonder, “How did I end up like this” it boils down to several reasons. Initially, when you entered that relationship, you likely believed in the narcissist’s charming exterior.

You noticed how they acted, heard what they said, and maybe found them attractive, thinking they cared about you and were interested in you. Perhaps you hoped for a friendship, romance, or starting a family.

But in time, you realized it was all a mirage.

The relationship was unstable, constantly draining your energy and resources. You elevated the narcissist, lacked boundaries, and struggled to say “no,” which is crucial for self-care.

In that dynamic, you lost your voice.

You turned into an extension of the narcissist, losing sight of your true self. You were always apologizing, doing unpaid work, driving, paying bills, and more. You gave everything, but it was never enough.

Expose the Narcissist’s Lies, Dealing with the Painful Path to Self-Discovery

The narcissist thrives on taking people’s energy and everything about them, always looking for new admiration. At one time, that person was you. When you first got into that relationship, you didn’t know about narcissism.

How could you know what you were dealing with? You couldn’t.

All you knew was that every day in that relationship, you faced this and that, experiencing this and that. Eventually, something had to break because the narcissist kept increasing their hurtful actions.

Their goal was to destroy the relationship, eager to find a new person to admire them, leaving you feeling worthless.

They kept this up and more until a moment came. Until you found out the truth. Until you understood who they really were, a toxic narcissist. That’s when you realized you needed to cut off contact. Even after getting away, you still wondered, “How did I end up like this?”

Recovering from a Narcissist, Finding Strength Through Challenges

You ended up like this because you’re a kind, loving, stable, and healthy person, traits you probably still have, although they might have evolved since you first got into the relationship with the narcissist.

To them, you were an opportunity to be manipulated and controlled, just like they’ve done with many others before and likely continue to do with new targets.

They always seek out new people to exploit, especially those with empathy or valuable resources like money and assets.

After a relationship with a narcissist, many people, including myself, often ask themselves this question.

Maybe you had a family, were in love, or thought you had a stable life while working towards goals like raising children or being a supportive partner or parent. Then suddenly, everything fell apart.

Why did it fall apart? Perhaps because you set a boundary and confronted someone who claimed to love you but turned out to be a toxic narcissist. Maybe you questioned their actions, like asking, “Why aren’t we co-parenting?” The narcissist would realize you were catching on, seeing their true nature.

How Narcissists Operate, Discarding and Seeking New Targets

What happens next with the narcissist is they’ll eventually discard their current partner. It might not happen right away and maybe not today, tomorrow, or even in a month.

Often, it coincides with a big event like a birthday or the holidays.

In their mind, they’re already moving on or close to it. Their attention now shifts to finding a new source of admiration. They’ll focus intensely on this new person, spending time together, and showering them with affection, even though their feelings aren’t genuine.

This is a pattern they’ve repeated with others, including you, and will continue with the new supply because it feeds their need for attention.

So, Who is this new supply?

They typically fall into one of three categories:

1. Another toxic person themselves.

2. Someone recycled into the cycle who hasn’t recognized the pattern or healed from it

3. Someone like you once were, unaware of narcissism and starting fresh. They’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist before.

So, they’re either a recycled source, oblivious to narcissism, or another toxic individual.

As you think back on how you ended up like this after the relationship, you may be asking yourself these questions. Maybe you’re reading this article somewhere, staying with a friend or family, in a hotel, or even in the house where things ended or are being sold.

Wherever you are, reaching this part of the article shows your strength. The narcissist tested you, pushing your limits and challenging your resilience.

Finding Peace in Your Journey With Acceptance and Recovery

You might think the narcissist is living it up with someone new while you deal with the aftermath. But the truth is different. Yes, they probably have a new partner, but their life isn’t as great as it looks.

Narcissists ruin every relationship they’re in.

Wherever you are whether it’s in a hotel, with friends or family, traveling by plane, train, or car, or in the home where you raised children, understand you’re exactly where you should be in life’s journey.

It’s important to accept this truth because you’re right where you belong, just like I am.

It can be tough to accept because you might feel you should still be with the narcissist or somewhere else entirely. But if you were meant to be elsewhere, you would be.

Right now, you’re where you need to be.

If the narcissist discarded you, my heart goes out to you. They showed their true self, revealing their lack of care for you or anyone else, whether their children, family, friends, colleagues, or past partners.

When you ask yourself, “How did I end up like this?” remember, if your current situation isn’t where you want to be, and many find themselves there, as I once did, it’s just a phase in your journey.

Whether it’s a day, week, month, or a year, it’s part of your path. Personally, it took me more than a year after being discarded to heal and face my past in isolation at home.

During this time, I confronted old wounds and learned to accept my journey, facing what some call a profound inner struggle. September 15, 2023, was one of my hardest days, but I’m grateful to still be here, reading between the lines.

I. Moving On After Dealing with a Narcissist, Finding Healing and Strength

But I healed. I went through a lot tears, sleepless nights, weight changes. There were times I struggled with simple tasks, but here I am, still standing strong. Wherever you are now, know you can overcome this too.

Take this message as a sign of hope, inspiration, growth, resilience, and inner strength.

If you’re asking yourself, “How did I end up like this?” chances are your journey has had its ups and downs, possibly involving a narcissist at some point.

I hope they’re no longer in your life, and you’ve chosen to go no contact.

If they still have influence, know it’s crucial to create and follow through with an exit plan. If not now, then when? Every minute spent in a toxic narcissistic relationship, once recognized, is too long. Put yourself first, second, and third.

There’s no room for the narcissist anymore, that’s why going no contact is essential.

When you think about how you end up like this, remember your current situation isn’t permanent. In the weeks or months ahead, you might find yourself in a different place.

Keep moving forward each day, becoming more aware, informed, and empowered. Trust that you’ll reach where you want to be. I’m living proof that this journey leads to healing and growth.

II. Moving On After Dealing with a Narcissist, Finding Healing and Strength

Once you’ve taken the time to heal, which does take a while, you’ll start seeing positive changes in your life. Using the tools and help available from this article and community, new opportunities and possibilities will begin to appear.

You’ll find doors opening to abundance, new relationships, and exciting prospects.

When you’ve let go of the weight of the narcissistic relationship and no longer carry the burden of those past connections, life gets easier.

You’re free from the emotional baggage that used to hold you back.

This is your chance to focus on yourself. Take a moment to slow down, think about where you’ve been, and imagine where you want to go.

Remember, you’ve been through a lot, but here you are stronger, more resilient, and moving forward every day.

Whether you’re reflecting on your experiences, healing old wounds, seeking therapy, writing in a journal, meditating, or finding support online, you’re actively helping yourself heal.

You’re building the groundwork for a brighter future where you can continue to grow and flourish.

Whether it’s today, tomorrow, next week, or in the years to come, you’re becoming the best version of yourself. Keep going, you’re on the path to long-term healing and personal fulfillment.

I. Breaking Free from Narcissistic Control, Reclaiming Our Lives and Moving Forward

What is the narcissist up to now? They might be asking themselves the same question: “How did I end up like this?” Let me explain. You’re in this situation because you destroy every relationship you’re in.

You don’t grow, reflect, or care about others.

Instead, you use relationships to hurt people who trust you. You’re stuck in negativity, unable to change or improve. You managed to manipulate us for a while, but eventually, we broke free.

We cut off all ties with you like emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. When we did that, we felt lighter and started to move forward.

We realized we can live our lives without being controlled by a narcissist.

We’re no longer apologizing or doing unpaid favors. We set boundaries and learned to say no. Now, we’re living on our own terms.

As time goes by, we’ll reflect on the challenges we faced in that toxic relationship and in life.

But now, we’re free from it all. We’re thankful, healed, happy, and healthy. Everything we deserve is coming back to us, and new opportunities are opening up.

II. Breaking Free from Narcissistic Control, Reclaiming Our Lives and Moving Forward

Here’s how it goes, the narcissist never wanted you to find your purpose or see through their mask. They never wanted you to uncover who they truly are. But you’ve managed to do all these things, or you’re working on it.

You’re discovering your own strength, courage, resilience, and wisdom.

The narcissist thought they could control you, keep you stuck, always thinking about them. But that’s not true. You’re growing, changing, and moving forward.

Even if your situation isn’t perfect now, you’re confident you’ll get where you want to be.

I’m living proof. When you make a plan and follow it without the toxic influence of a narcissist, anything is possible.

Doors to new opportunities open because you’ve let go of that burden. You’re moving towards a place where thoughts of the narcissist no longer affect you.

III. Breaking Free from Narcissistic Control, Reclaiming Our Lives and Moving Forward

I often reiterate key points in my articles because these messages hold significant importance. They’ve evolved over the years to encourage you: keep pushing forward. Every day, strive for progress.

Whether you’re still striving to reach your goals or have already achieved them, take a moment to reflect on your journey. Look back and acknowledge how far you’ve come.

This is your life, your personal journey, and it should be liberated from the burden of narcissism.

Your life deserves to be free from toxicity, no drama, manipulation, smear campaigns, gaslighting, or any other harmful tactics. That’s our goal.

When you find yourself pondering, “How did I end up like this?” it’s natural to feel perplexed. This likely wasn’t part of your plan. Often, when a narcissist enters your life, your own aspirations, dreams, and plans take a back seat.

You begin prioritizing their needs, seeking their validation, and gradually losing sight of your true self.

Once you break free and start healing, you gain the freedom to live life your way. You find your true self again and chase after your own dreams and goals.

Wrap it up

You have the freedom to explore new hobbies, teach, read, write, travel, find love, make friends, start businesses, there’s so much ahead for you. Remember, this is your time.

Stay patient, calm, centered, and focus on yourself.

Before I finish this article, if you’re wondering, “How did I end up like this?” understand it’s just a phase, not your whole journey.

That’s it for now. I enjoyed writing it. This is Ryan. Remember, you’re not alone. Best wishes to you.

I truly care about each of you and look forward to sharing more tomorrow.

Many of us have wondered, “How did I end up like this?” Life was moving forward, graduating, starting careers, planning families, perhaps moving or starting businesses, chasing our dreams.

Then, we found ourselves in a narcissistic relationship, turning our lives upside down. It changed our direction temporarily. Now that you’ve moved on, you can refocus on your goals and pursue them without old burdens. I genuinely appreciate each of you.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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