Let’s talk about how narcissists take your attention away. Distraction happens when you’re supposed to be focused on one thing, but something else grabs your mind, making you look away.

Imagine you’re at work, focused on your tasks, when suddenly you hear a loud crash from the kitchen. Someone dropped a coffee mug, startling you and pulling your attention away.

Now, let’s think about a narcissistic relationship. These are built on distraction, manipulation, and constant drama.

The narcissist makes you focus on their crises, always needing you to deal with their problems and conflicts they stir up.

Think back to the beginning of the relationship, during the love bombing phase. At first, they seemed like the perfect partner, matching your dreams and desires.

But amid the chaos and emotional ups and downs they created, you were distracted. The narcissist rushed the relationship, wanting quick commitment, and kept you trapped in a cycle of fake love followed by devaluation.

How Narcissists Use Love Bombing to Distract and Manipulate You

During the love bombing stage, the narcissist kept you distracted by taking up all your time and attention. You were always doing things for them, like picking them up, planning trips, going out for dinners, and spending more and more time together.

Sometimes, you might not even have gone home for days or weeks because you were with them. This was all on purpose to get you attached to them.

Narcissists can’t truly love and lack empathy.

They are experts at manipulating people and playing with their emotions, which is what they did to you.

They quickly figured out if you were an empath, a people pleaser, or if you had boundaries. They learned about your past, present, and future goals, keeping this information to use against you later.

The narcissist planned to distract you from the beginning.

It worked well because you couldn’t believe someone could be so into you, so curious about you, and make you feel like a priority.

In reality, they were always the priority, you just didn’t see it. You might have thought narcissism was just about self-admiration, but it’s much more complex.

A Narcissist’s True Intentions, Taking Everything from You

The truth is, a narcissist wants to take everything they can from you — your time, energy, love, empathy, health, social status, network, assets, and relationships. At first, when the relationship was new and exciting, everything seemed perfect.

But it was too good to be true.

A narcissist is like a shiny used car that looks great on the outside but has no engine. You’re attracted to it, but once you get it, you realize it’s a wreck.

The narcissist’s problems become your problems.

You often put the narcissist on a pedestal and do whatever they want, whenever they want, and with whomever they want.

Once you’re in the devaluation stage and they have their hooks in you, remember that this is all on purpose. Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. They know how to manipulate, when to act charming, when to be supportive, and when to pull away.

They keep you on an emotional roller coaster, never letting you feel stable, always keeping you off balance.

During the love bombing stage, everything seemed perfect — better than any relationship you’d had before.

That was a big red flags, but you didn’t see it because you weren’t taught about narcissism.

You didn’t know what gaslighting, silent treatment, stonewalling, or object constancy meant. But you did know that something felt wrong, and you were often distracted by the narcissist, even if you couldn’t figure out why.

How Narcissists Use Manipulation to Create Dependency and Control

Let’s go back to the relationship, whether it was during the love bombing stage or the devaluation stage. When the narcissist texted you, what did you do? You felt a rush and felt like you had to reply immediately. If you didn’t, there would be consequences.

The same feeling occurred when the phone rang. Would you hear the calm voice or the raging storm? You never knew. That uncertainty kept you engaged.

You were stuck, always on edge, doing things you never imagined, saying things that surprised even yourself, and enduring behaviors you once thought unacceptable.

You were in a trauma bond without knowing it.

What you did know was that you were distracted from your own life, hobbies, relationships, and work.

The narcissist took your identity, making you an extension of themselves. They wanted you to be their pawn or puppet, the one always apologizing, the unpaid helper, the sounding board, the person who would manage their emotions because they couldn’t manage them themselves.

Narcissists’ Manipulative Tactics, Using You and Keeping You Confused

That’s why they often took you for granted. They didn’t respect you or care about you as a person, they only cared about what you could do for them. Whether it was money, a home, raising kids, whatever you provided, they used it.

The narcissist knew the relationship wouldn’t last, so they kept pushing boundaries to keep you distracted and unaware.

These are the tricky games narcissists play.

They never want you to see who they really are. Instead, they keep bringing up old stuff, like that shoe left in the rain years ago, always blaming you.

Even after the relationship ends, if they try to pull you back in, they might ask for strange things from the past, like an old belt. It’s how they keep you confused and in their grip, showing how shallow they are. They always want to keep you off balance and unsure.

The Hoover Technique, Narcissists’ Attempt to Reel You Back In

Let’s talk about the hoover. So, what is it? It’s a tactic. Imagine yourself moving on, feeling better and not caring much about the narcissist anymore. You’ve cut off contact, blocked them, and things are improving.

Then, out of nowhere, you receive a package or someone unexpected asks about your past with the narcissist.

It throws you off. You’ve moved on but now you’re facing this hoover, a way for the narcissist to pull you back.

Maybe their new relationship didn’t work out, so they’re testing things with you again.

Their goal? To distract you from your progress, from finding your true purpose, and becoming your best self.

For those of us who have come this far, we know the journey wasn’t easy. We’ve had to take it slow, piece ourselves back together, journal, meditate, heal old wounds, seek help, educate ourselves because we almost fell, but we didn’t.

Narcissists’ Tactics, Distracting You from Your Goals and Dreams

When those hoovers come your way, giving in to them just distracts you. It sets back your healing progress and pushes you into the toxic cycle of the narcissistic relationship again, whether briefly or for a long time, these relationships don’t improve.

They only get worse over time, and you know that now.

Narcissists distract you by steering you away from discovering your purpose, achieving your goals, and pursuing your dreams.

They block you from forming healthy relationships and sabotage anything that defines who you are. For instance, if you wanted to be a doctor, they might ruin your chances of getting a PhD or MD.

If your goal was to finish college, start a business, or enjoy hobbies like skiing or surfing, they’d intervene to prevent your success.

Their aim was to keep you focused on their world, not yours.

They wanted you to believe their facade, convincing you they knew what was best for you more than you did.

In the relationship, you put your own dreams on hold and lived according to their agenda. In reality, you were just a side character in their drama. They saw themselves as the star, surrounded by a cast of supporters, enablers, and sources of validation, including you.

The Deceptive Facade of Narcissistic Relationships, Distorting Love and Commitment

When you got into that relationship, which became a major part of your life, you didn’t realize your role. You thought it was a loving, stable partnership, moving towards shared goals and dreams. But that wasn’t true. Let’s say you engaged or married a narcissist. When you exchanged vows, they meant a lot to you, but not to the narcissist.

It turned out to be a big distraction because you believed in love, growing old together, starting a family, and building a future.

The narcissist portrayed a fake image. They made you fall in love, possibly marrying you or vice versa. Then, when significant events like moving, having children, facing health issues, money problems, starting a business, or family losses occurred, they increased the abuse.

The mask slipped, showing their true intentions as they pushed the relationship to its limits.

They had other people lined up for attention, without you knowing. The wedding ring was just for show to them, not a meaningful symbol.

If you married a narcissist, think about any photos you have together. It might be wise to get rid of them. Consider whether they proudly showed their wedding ring or hid it in pictures.

They probably concealed it to appear single, adding to the deception. This was another way they distracted you, seeking new attention or pretending to be single and ready to mingle.

Narcissists’ Strategic Distractions, Manipulating and Overwhelming You

In every relationship, the narcissist has a specific plan, which overwhelms the other person. It pushes them to heal, reflect on themselves, and understand how they got into the relationship without realizing the narcissistic traits.

The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing and continues this cycle on purpose.

The constant factor in this abusive pattern is always the narcissist. It’s never about you, and it never will be.

It’s important to realize that many distractions caused by the narcissist are intentional. Imagine a peaceful weekend day, maybe lounging on the couch or by the pool.

Suddenly, there’s an urgent phone call out of nowhere: “I’ve had a flat tire, can you come fix it?” or “You need to pick up dry cleaning” even though there isn’t any. It completely disrupts your day.

For example, let’s say it’s a quiet Sunday. While you’re relaxing, the narcissist is out living their life, but you get texts or calls demanding tasks: “Did you do the dishes? Buy groceries? Rake the leaves? Wash the car? Walk the dog? Are you going to handle this or that?”

It doesn’t matter if you’ve already done everything on their long list. There’s always a reason for the narcissist to distract you, criticize your efforts, or make you feel small. This is a typical behavior of a narcissist.

Narcissists’ Disruption of Peaceful Moments, Sabotaging Your Happiness

In the relationship, there were times when things felt calm and peaceful maybe for a few days, a week, or even a month. Looking back, you may not have realized it then, but now you understand those peaceful moments never lasted because the narcissist couldn’t stand you being happy with a normal life.

Whenever you felt comfortable, they would start causing problems, making your days, weeks, or even years difficult.

The same happened at work.

Imagine you were having a good week and expecting good news about a promotion. The narcissist knew this and on the day of your expected promotion, they would suddenly call, saying they were sick and asking for you to bring them soup or help them out.

Why? To take attention away from your success and special day.

And what about birthdays? When you were with the narcissist, your birthday probably wasn’t celebrated or barely recognized.

Maybe you got an old coffee mug on a milestone birthday, or even nothing at all. They didn’t want you to enjoy your birthday and tried to distract you from celebrating it.

Vacation Disruptions, How Narcissists Create Chaos and Criticism

Talk about vacations. Maybe you planned for months to go somewhere special. You happily board the plane, looking forward to a great time away. But as soon as you reach your destination, everything starts to bother the narcissist.

They complain about the hotel room, the service, the weather, your clothes or nothing seems good enough.

It turns into a roller coaster of emotions, with constant complaints that leave you rushing to fix everything.

Narcissists need someone to manage them, making them feel important even if it means putting others down. They thrive on making others feel worthless to boost their own ego.

All these distractions, the demands, criticisms, and drama were part of the relationship, but you didn’t realize it at the time because you didn’t know what you were dealing with.

Fundamentally, narcissists thrive on distractions.

They divert attention from people’s goals, values, and what truly matters. They crave constant stimulation because they can’t handle being alone with their thoughts.

Without a smartphone, TV, or people around, they would struggle even on a desert island. They’d have to confront their actions and the harm they’ve caused, unable to avoid facing their own thoughts. It would be a solitary experience, forcing them to come to terms with the reality of their behavior.

Wrap it up

This is how narcissists operate. They love creating distractions and obstacles in your life. Meeting a narcissist was a big distraction from finding your true self, understanding your goals, and achieving them.

That’s all for this article. I’m Ryan, I genuinely care about each of you, and this article is here to help and support you, not to distract you.

Initially, narcissists showered you with love to hide their true selves.

During the devaluation phase, they crushed your self-esteem and made you doubt yourself. If you were discarded after the relationship, my heart goes out to you, it likely came as a shock.

If they tried to draw you back in with a Hoover, they were trying to distract you again, to see if you’d moved on.

It’s simple. Once you see this cycle, it keeps going like the earth orbiting the sun, but you don’t have to be part of it.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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