We’re looking at how things shift from dealing with difficult times to finding peace. We’ll focus on narcissistic relationships, what it was like when you were in one and how things have improved since leaving it.

The difficult times you faced in that narcissistic relationship were like being caught in a storm without knowing how you got there. Without you realizing, you were tricked, trapped, and manipulated into a relationship by someone pretending to be something they were not.

They became a part of your life, blending in smoothly, all while hiding their own hidden agendas.

Their plans were very different from yours.

They may have promised a future together, like marriage, children, moving, or starting a business, to lure you in. These are the traps narcissists use to trap people. As time went on, you saw that you were in rough, difficult times.

Once big commitments were made like getting married, having children, moving, or starting a business that’s when the narcissist saw that they had the upper hand.

That’s when they knew that what they had started in the relationship would benefit them. They pulled you out of what seemed like calm seas where everything was peaceful and perfect and put you into a rough, difficult ocean of abuse, a deep and dark place of toxicity.

Understanding the Devaluation Stage,How Narcissists Drain You Over Time

This is the devaluation stage, which lasts for the rest of the relationship. Once a key point was reached, the narcissist increased their abuse. They started testing your limits and no longer needed to put in the effort they did at first to win you over.

Now, they could relax and enjoy the benefits of the relationship.

Their goal was to slowly drain your resources like your time, money, energy, effort, love, empathy, status, health, friends, and social circle and everything that made you who you are. They did this gradually and subtly, increasing their abuse and keeping you lost in that turbulent sea.

During this time, you were desperately searching for a lifeline.

You wanted answers, trying to understand why someone who claimed to love you acted so hurtfully. This is how a narcissistic relationship works. It’s marked by a push-pull dynamic, extreme highs and lows, and a constant emotional roller coaster.

Realizing the Truth, How Narcissists Manipulate and Drain Their Partners

When you’re in the deep end, struggling in rough waters, you expect your partner to support you. Instead, they’re on the shore, maybe even laughing at you and thinking how unaware you are of their manipulation. They enjoy keeping you in those difficult waters until they find someone else to replace you.

When you realize this, it’s hard to understand. Suddenly, the relationship changes completely.

The narcissist has all the power. You become like a piece of driftwood, floating aimlessly in those rough waters. You turn into the constant apologizer, the listener, the unpaid helper, putting the narcissist above yourself.

You didn’t know what kind of relationship you were in before. You just knew something was wrong, and it kept getting worse day after day, week after week, month after month.

You couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

So, you kept going to events, travel, barbecues, holidays, birthdays. Every time one of these important occasions came up, the narcissist would try to ruin it.

Handling Holidays and Vacations with a Narcissist, Understanding Their Need for Attention

Imagine being with someone who loves attention, where even on special holidays, they need to be the center of everything. Vacations with such people reveal a lot, it often becomes about what they want or things can suddenly go wrong.

They might disappear unexpectedly or not spend time as planned.

This is typical narcissistic behavior, they always want new things and attention, which can disrupt calm situations.

During those tough times, you probably felt alone, like no one understood your problems. But there were others going through similar struggles like coworkers, neighbors, even the narcissist’s own family or past admirers.

When you’re lost and looking for stability, all you see are huge waves. Scary and overwhelming.

Feeling lost and used in that big sea was really tough.

All the narcissist had to do back then was be honest, admit they didn’t really love or care about you, say they were taking advantage of you, and show they enjoyed seeing you struggle. They watched you struggle and suffer without feeling bad. That’s how they treated you.

The Narcissist’s Control, Manipulation and the Illusion of Power

Nowadays, they won’t change because narcissists crave attention in any form. They enjoy taking someone bright and positive like you and dragging them into a cycle of mistreatment, causing ongoing harm.

They find pleasure in watching your relationships fall apart, your health decline, your finances suffer, and your friendships break down, making your life miserable.

The person who once professed love should have been your support, standing by you no matter what, especially before starting a family if you married the narcissist. But the narcissist doesn’t see it that way.

They see the relationship as a means to control you, viewing you as their possession then and now.

That’s why narcissists often brag about their exes returning to them, claiming they can easily reclaim anyone they desire.

Their arrogance suggests they believe once they trap someone in trauma, that person won’t escape.

But that’s not true for you. They also believe others will eagerly seek their attention because they specialize in manipulating people, trapping them in an abusive cycle. And for a time, you were the sole focus of their manipulation.

Finding Peace in Healing, Moving Forward from Narcissistic Abuse

When you felt alone in all the chaos, you realize now there were others struggling alongside you, obscured by huge waves. Now that the relationship is over, it hits you hard with emotions and the realization that you no longer have to endure the abuse you once put up with.

This marks the beginning of a new journey, The Healing Path.

On this path, you learn that the narcissist never really cared about you neither then, nor now, nor in the future.

The key is to stop communicating with them, block them out, and move forward. Ending the relationship, especially if you were discarded, makes you slow down and work your way back to stability.

It’s tough because at first, you couldn’t even see where stability was.

It’s like looking for the end of a tunnel, but now it’s finding your way back to solid ground from a vast sea of uncertainty. Maybe you searched online for answers, watching videos or reading about terms like “silent treatment” or “gaslighting,” diving deep to understand what narcissism really means.

Breaking Free from the Trauma Bond, Rebuilding Life After Narcissistic Abuse

Then it clicked, and you realized: “I’m in a trauma bond. I can’t believe it. This person never really loved or cared about me. That’s why they discarded me so cruelly, leaving me feeling lost and hurt.” Yes, all those thoughts hit hard.

Narcissists usually leave someone when they’re most vulnerable.

It could be when you’re facing health issues, financial problem, during a pandemic, holidays, or when they’ve spread rumors to destroy your support network.

They pick these times to hurt you the most and keep you in chaos.

But what did you do? You started rebuilding your life slowly.

You understood that cutting them out of your life was the way forward, especially after trying to get closure from them with no success. They didn’t care to listen or understand, finding satisfaction in your pain, tears, and suffering while they thrived on your misery.

Discovering Strength Within, Starting to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse

And they would just smirk and say, “Yeah, I get it, but that’s in the past now. It’s over. No one’s dying here.” Those were the things they’d say, or the line, “We had our time.” Their words were cold and insincere, spoken with a grin and empty eyes as they watched you struggle beside them, trying to find closure.

They didn’t help or guide you to safety.

They wanted you to stay adrift, like their other relationships. But you didn’t give up. Driven by determination and resilience, you discovered inner strength you didn’t know you had.

Amidst the confusion, you grasped the understanding of narcissistic abuse cycles. Slowly, you saw a shoreline in the distance. It was far away but visible. That’s when your healing journey began.

You began to slow down, maybe blocking the narcissist.

You started meditating, journaling, seeking therapy, and addressing old wounds. You focused on rebuilding yourself, embracing reality as it is, not as you hoped. You accepted that the narcissist never truly cared for you, they saw you as a tool to use for their own benefit.

Moving Forward After Narcissistic Abuse, Embracing Healing and Growth

As you went through it all, with many nights of troubled sleep and moments of deep sadness, whether gaining or losing weight, feeling stuck at times, your journey to heal began. It wasn’t instant, nothing ever is.

It took a long time, a challenging road.

But every day, you made progress. You saw through the pretense more clearly, you accepted that this was a path you had to take, unable to change the past.

The narcissist saw you as someone to use, to take advantage of completely.

It’s a tough truth to face, but it’s real. Slowly, you started to get better. After a while, hard to say exactly, but deeply personal you reached a point where you felt thankful to have moved on from that relationship.

You didn’t want to go through it, you wished the narcissist could have been different, capable of changing.

But you’ve realized they can’t change. You wished they had been truthful about their intentions instead of pretending and draining you of everything. Over time, the shoreline became clearer, now close enough to reach.

Moving Forward, Facing Challenges and Finding Peace

As you moved forward, you encountered various challenges, some big waves, some smaller ones. There were turbulent times, moments when you felt stuck in a strong current, struggling to make progress.

But you kept going, swimming towards the shore, focusing on healing and investing in yourself, even through tears.

If you felt angry, you worked through it gradually, gaining clarity as you distanced yourself from the narcissist.

Along the way, the narcissist might have tried to draw you back into toxicity, but whether you resisted or not, accepting their efforts wouldn’t have helped you.

If you resisted, hopefully, you’ve moved on from them.

Eventually, you approached the shore and realized the intense waves of the past had calmed down. Looking back at the deep ocean, you saw the huge tidal waves were no longer there. There were still some waves and ripples, but nothing like the overwhelming force you once faced.

Finding Peace, Embracing Calmness After the Difficult Times

Then, slowly, your toes touched the ocean floor. You began walking, feeling the ground under the water, and it felt unbelievable. Taking a deep breath, you whispered to yourself, “I’m almost there. This is awesome. I can’t believe it.”

Yes, that’s exactly how it felt. Suddenly, all the waves calmed down.

It seemed like the ocean knew you were nearing the shore. There were no more waves, just calmness, quiet, and peace.

Now, you found yourself on the beach. You lay down under a palm tree, relaxing and thinking. Looking out at the ocean, not a single ripple disturbed the calm waters.

You had made it through, and now your life was peaceful.

You felt centered, composed, stepping into a new version of yourself. These things define your life now.

Before, you were lost in turbulent waters, caught in a storm of emotions, experiencing highs and lows with manipulation tactics like triangulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, and more.

But all of that is in the past, left behind in the deep waters. Others might still be struggling there, but I’m talking directly to you and your journey.

Achieving Freedom, Living Well in Peaceful Independence

Now that you’re at the beach, you’re recovering, feeling grateful, and getting better every day. You understand that whatever amount of time you went through whether it was days, weeks, months, years, or a lifetime that chapter is closed now.

You’re in a peaceful place where you can make choices freely, without fear.

You’ve left behind the days of abuse, enduring bad behavior, and seeking approval from others. You’re no longer used as an unpaid helper, a target for emotional outbursts, or a listener for others’ problems.

Verbal, mental, financial, and maybe even physical abuse are all things of the past. Does it all disappear overnight? No, healing takes a lot of time.

The path isn’t always easy, but with patience and support from your community, you’ll heal.

Looking back on your journey through rough waters, you’ve finally reached stable ground where you can stand strong. You’re no longer under the control of a manipulative narcissist.

This is your time to live your best life, focusing on healing and personal growth.

You’re not forgetting the past instead, you’re learning from it and using those lessons in your life now. You’re not worried about the future, you’re determined to stay free from narcissistic influence, having cut off contact, blocked them, and maybe even started fresh in a new place.

Wrap it up

You’ve found love again, made new friends, started a business, learned new things, and shared your thoughts, you’re living your best life. Meanwhile, where’s the narcissist? They’re adrift in deep, turbulent waters, trying to trap another victim before disappearing, leaving them to struggle alone.

Your journey has brought you here.

Drawing wisdom from communities, you’re now giving back. You know the immense effort it took to swim from those rough waters to safety on land.

You did it all on your own, no rescue, no help.

You faced mental challenges, sleepless nights, and tears, but now standing strong, it’s all paying off. If you’re still dealing with these waters, know this. You can escape this tumultuous relationship.

It takes determination, courage, strength, and a clear plan.

Being in such uncertainty about your relationship is the worst place to stay. The narcissist put you there on purpose, doubting you’d find peace and safety. That’s all for now. This is Ryan, remember you’re not alone. I deeply care about you.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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