Let’s talk about “I have a deeper understanding of you than you do.” Many of us have heard this from narcissistic partners, family members, friends, or others. When someone says this, it can be confusing. You might wonder what they mean and how they think they understand you so well.

When someone tells you, “I have a deeper understanding of you than you do.” it can mean different things depending on who says it. If it’s from someone kind and caring, it might mean they recognize your strengths like empathy and your positive energy.

But when a narcissist says those words, it’s a different story. They use it to manipulate and control you. They say it with a smirk, trying to make you doubt yourself.

At the time, you didn’t realize they were narcissistic because no one teaches us about this. You believed you were in a loving relationship with them.

Looking back, you didn’t fully understand who they really were, and more importantly, you didn’t fully understand yourself. Their words twisted reality, leaving you confused and questioning what you thought you knew.

Deceptive Games, Manipulation Tactics of Narcissists

And let me empahsize this, what the narcissist told you was completely untrue they were manipulating you. It’s important to understand this, you might ask “But why would they play games like that Ryan?”

It’s because they saw how generous and caring you were.

They could tell you were empathetic and always putting others’ needs first, often without setting boundaries. They knew they could control you and get you to do whatever they wanted while you were in that relationship.

From the moment they met you, they likely sized you up quickly.

That’s why narcissists often rush into relationships so fast, you ended up on an emotional roller coaster. Not realizing you were heading into the destructive depths of a narcissistic relationship, without truly understanding what you were up against.

Master Manipulators, The Narcissist’s Expertise in Psychological Control

The narcissist did, remember the narcissist had been in relationships like this before so they knew what they were doing. But this was the first time they targeted you, I’m really not trying to upset you, I’ve been there and understand.

Narcissists are experts at manipulation.

They often understand people better than those people understand themselves. When you were in that relationship, you probably didn’t fully realize what you were dealing with.

How could someone who said they loved you, maybe even had children with you or married you, cause so much drama and confusion in your life?

That’s just how narcissists operate, it’s in their nature.

They look for kind, loving, and often empathetic people to take advantage of. Their goal is to completely unravel them, taking everything they can like your time, money, energy, love, and even health and stability. They want you to never see who they truly are behind their mask.

Realizing Deception, Understanding How Narcissists Manipulate us

The narcissist wants to keep you deceived by their false front. They prefer you remain caught in their manipulative games, whether it’s their confusing behavior or the hurtful treatment they subject you to.

Most importantly, they don’t want you to recover and heal from the harm they’ve caused.

These are their biggest fears.

But here’s the thing, you’ve had a moment of realization. Maybe you searched online like “My partner read my text but ignored it”, “temper tantrums”, or “my partner completely disappeared” and suddenly, you started understanding.

You learned that your partner, parent, sibling, colleague, or someone else close to you is toxic.

Why do I mention this? When you first encountered the narcissist and I’ve mentioned this before, you didn’t know their true nature. It’s like playing chess against someone with a big advantage. They get to move three times while you can only move once. Naturally, they set themselves up to win the game decisively.

Mastering the Narcissistic Game, Strategies for Taking Back Our Control

And then, just when you finally get a chance to make a move, you realize it’s already game over, it’s checkmate. In chess, players take turns moving their pieces strategically, but in a narcissistic relationship, the rules are different.

Here, the narcissist starts by making three moves while you’re still figuring out your first.

They see right through you and they know how to manipulate, draw you in, and use your kindness for their own gain, whether financially, emotionally, or in any other way that benefits them.

It’s important to know that to the narcissist, everyone is just a way to get what they want.

They don’t see people as individuals with their own qualities instead, they see them as opportunities to exploit and discard.

So, when I talk about chess, it’s to show that understanding and using smart strategies can lead to winning, you can beat the narcissist by removing their influence from your life.

Reclaiming Our Identity, Moving Beyond Narcissistic Influence

When you decide to cut off contact, block them, and distance yourself from their flying monkeys, you’re starting to heal and move towards a place where their influence doesn’t affect you anymore.

If you’re not there yet, take your time.

Every relationship teaches us valuable lessons. If cutting off contact completely isn’t possible, you can try the gray rock method, just try to be boring and fade off the narcissist’s radar.

Now, looking back on when the narcissist used to say, “I have a deeper understanding of you than you do.” it might have seemed like harmless teasing or playful mimicry, especially when you were deeply manipulated by them.

You might have even found it flattering, but in reality, it was a tactic to control you and undermine your self-esteem. It wasn’t about love or respect, it was about domination.

In a narcissistic relationship, many of us lose sight of who we are before we rediscover ourselves. It’s a tough journey we often have to go through. This relationship was inevitable, it would have found its way into your life, shaping your path of self-discovery whether you realized it or not.

Breaking the Cycle, Recognizing Narcissistic Patterns

Many people find themselves in multiple narcissistic relationships without realizing it at first. Some may even remarry, only to discover they’re in another toxic cycle with a narcissist.

It often takes gaining wisdom and recognizing patterns to break free.

Narcissists exist everywhere, in different forms and places worldwide. But once you gain understanding and set boundaries, slowing down and avoiding them, things can get better.

When narcissists claimed to know you better than yourself, it’s because they observed and exploited your weaknesses.

They knew your background, hopes, dreams, and past relationships. All the personal details you shared in trust, unaware of their true intentions.

The Narcissist’s Deceptive Charade

When a narcissist says they understand you better than yourself, it’s their tricky way of praising you while planning to harm you. They’ll compliment you, but secretly they’re scheming to break you down, take everything you have, and maybe even leave you behind.

Once they’re finished with you, they’ll move on to someone new.

Narcissists never reveal their true intentions. They’re skilled at wearing masks, picking the right one for each person they meet, especially those who are vulnerable or easily persuaded.

Before starting a relationship, narcissists carefully choose their targets, whether for a partner, spouse, or someone they can use.

They cast out multiple lines, hoping someone will take the bait.

If one person seems promising but another offers better benefits, they’ll discard the first without hesitation. It’s a cruel game of manipulation and exploitation, where narcissists put their own desires first, regardless of the harm they cause to others.

Recognizing Narcissistic Tactics, Setting Boundaries and Facing Escalation

They might not choose right away. Sometimes, they’ll keep two sources of support going for a while, but eventually, they’ll go with the person who can give them the most. For a narcissist it’s all about getting what they need from you whether it’s enduring verbal, physical, financial, mental, or emotional abuse.

When you assert yourself against a narcissist by setting boundaries or saying no, they often can’t handle it.

This might make them disappear for a while or discard you completely (In my case she discarded me and go with someone new just couple week after).

If you haven’t cut off contact, they might try to return.

However, if you’ve firmly set boundaries, they’ll likely escalate the abuse or discard you soon after, realizing you’ve caught onto their tactics and won’t tolerate mistreatment any longer.

Abuse is never a game but when you’re stuck in it without understanding, something has to change.

In a narcissistic relationship, when you’ve had enough and aren’t sure what’s happening, reactions can vary.

Some people may react strongly to the abuse they’ve endured, which the narcissist often twists, blaming and portraying you as the problem.

The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing, they push the limits of abuse until something breaks, aiming to ruin the relationship and stop you from finding your true self.

Healing and Empowerment, Reclaiming Ourself After Narcissistic Abuse

Coming back to the theme of “I have a deeper understanding of you than you do.” it’s important to rebuild yourself after dealing with a narcissistic relationship. This means slowing down, cutting off contact, writing in a journal, meditating, seeking therapy, and learning from videos, articles and books.

These steps are crucial to realizing that the path you went through was necessary, even though it was tough. Now, you’re on a journey to heal, discover yourself, and feel empowered.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time and deliberate actions.

The first step is getting out of the toxic relationship or situation. Going no contact isn’t easy but it’s essential for your well-being. If you haven’t already, reducing contact is a positive move toward eventually blocking them completely.

It’s important to understand that none of what happened was your fault.

You were manipulated and used in a harmful way, acknowledging this is key to moving forward.

As I mentioned earlier, after a narcissistic relationship, you must understand that losing yourself was part of the journey to finding yourself again.

When you reach a point of self-discovery and strength, you step into a version of yourself that the narcissist no longer controls or understands, this is where your resilience shines brightest.

Enduring Narcissistic Abuse, From Revelation to Self-Discovery

You never expected to find yourself here wading through that web of manipulation, enduring those painful moments, and suffering through hours of misery filled with gaslighting, stonewalling, silent treatment, smear campaigns, and their worst tactics like triangulation.

Despite facing all this toxicity, you kept going even without knowing these terms back then. Eventually, you escaped that relationship, stumbled upon resources online, and learned about “narcissism” As you watched videos and read articles, everything started to make sense “Geez That happened to me Ryan!, so they did that, and that!”

Realizing you were in the midst of narcissistic abuse was a revelation.

Yes, that’s what it was, even though you weren’t supposed to figure it out. Going back to the beginning, the narcissist knew exactly who they were and what they intended to do.

They kept the relationship going as long as possible, using you until they got what they wanted.

Then came the discard phase, or maybe they manipulated you into ending it while they played the victim and moved on to their next target.

In those moments, they did seem to understand you deeper than yourself, especially since you weren’t aware of how common narcissism is. Now, after healing from that relationship, you’re becoming the best version of yourself.

I. Discovering Strength, Transforming After Narcissistic Relationships

This is the strongest and most resilient version of yourself, the one the narcissist can’t understand. They don’t know how you emerged from their manipulation, rebuilt yourself, and healed.

They won’t get it because they operate on a negative wavelength, while you shine with positivity and strength, brighter than the Sun and stars.

They underestimated you, trying to tear you down and take everything from you.

They gave it their all but failed. Now, you’ve become a version of yourself that few recognize.

You’ve slowed down, tightened your close circle, and though you may have lost friends due to their lies, you’ve found a deep understanding of who you are.

You’ve set boundaries, know your priorities, and act on your own terms, no longer bending to anyone else’s demands. When someone asks something of you, you decide when and how to respond.

II. Discovering Strength, Transforming After Narcissistic Relationships

Now, you’ve learned to see things clearly and say to yourself, I kept giving to this person, but when I needed them, they weren’t there. That’s it, they’re out. If they can’t be there for me, I don’t need to be there for them either because most people are focused on themselves.

Not everyone, but those who’ve come out strong after a narcissistic relationship, they’ve changed forever.

We’ve become a different kind of person, someone we never thought we could be again. We never thought we’d end up here, but here we are. The reason we’re here, talking about this new version of ourselves, is because we faced something we didn’t realize we were up against the narcissistic relationship.

Yes, the narcissist seemed to understand us better than we understand ourselves. It had to be that way otherwise, they wouldn’t have entered into a relationship with us, aiming to bring us down.

They never wanted us to find our purpose, heal, understand them, learn, grow, teach, or achieve our dreams.

They never wanted us to become this new version of ourselves. Now, you truly know who you are. Few people truly understand themselves like those who’ve been through difficult tests, targeted, and faced many toxic challenges in life.

Enduring Toxic Influence and Self-Discovery

This could have started early in your life, maybe during school and continued into high school or college. It might have involved family, friends, or other toxic people around you.

Gradually you realized you were often seen as different or the one who always had to keep things together, the problem-solver who helped others without getting the same support.

They often put down your accomplishments, making you doubt yourself, even if you achieved significant milestones like excelling in your career or mastering a skill.

Their goal was to keep you unsure about your abilities and undermine your self-confidence. Did they understand you better than you understood yourself? Unfortunately, yes, they did.

Reaching this new version of yourself is a big accomplishment.

You’re on this journey because you’re focusing on your own well-being and community, not rushing into another relationship to take advantage of someone else. Every day, you’re getting stronger and working on personal growth.

Understanding Yourself Deeper Than Anyone Else After a Narcissistic Relationship

I’m emphasizing this because, in a narcissistic relationship, you feel like you have nothing. The relationship moves so fast, keeping you constantly anxious. You never know which version of the narcissist you’ll face next. But once you truly heal, people who have known you for a long time might see you differently.

Your circle of friends has probably gotten much smaller.

This change is partly on purpose. You got rid of people who were toxic or didn’t support you, including those who sided with the narcissist.

Others left because they couldn’t handle the situation or were toxic themselves.

The main point is this now, you understand yourself better than anyone else. People might say, “You’ve changed or different” but they don’t need to understand you.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation or a defense. That’s what you did when you were in the narcissistic relationship, but not anymore.

Healing Transforms You, Elevating Your Perspective on Life

So after the relationship, once you’ve healed or are on your healing path, if people ask, “Hey, why do you seem different?” it’s because you are different. Now, you operate on a much higher level.

This experience has changed you forever, just like the narcissistic relationship did when you were in it.

Back then everything about you was different from your looks to your mental state, finances, and health. You were likely isolated from family and friends, becoming an extension of the narcissist.

But once you let go of all the toxicity, negativity, and verbal abuse and truly heal, you reach a state of indifference.

It’s like standing on a mountaintop, seeing things from a completely new perspective. You think, “Wow, I see everything differently now in a way I never thought possible.”

Empowered through Knowledge, The Path of a Learned Empath

I can now spot a toxic person instantly and recognize an empath just as quickly. I can sense people’s energy the moment I enter a room. If you’re an empath, your ability to feel others’ energy has grown stronger.

Before, you might have sensed their energy without knowing you were an empath, or you might have thought everyone felt the same way. But they don’t.

Empathy is a superpower, and those who don’t believe in it simply don’t have it.

Empaths are often targeted because they seem weak and vulnerable. They may not realize their own strength. This was true until you faced a narcissistic relationship. It threw you into a whirlwind of emotions and dragged you down.

But you made it out and you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and healed.

Now, you’re an educated empath, stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually because you conquered a battle you didn’t even know you were fighting: the battle against a narcissist.

The narcissist understood you better than you understood yourself at the start of the relationship. It was unfair from the beginning. They knew how to push your buttons, manipulate you, and use your empathy against you.

Once you understand this and realize the relationship was not what you thought, you can cut off contact, block them, and focus on healing. Healing is crucial because this relationship deeply wounds you and requires significant recovery.

Seeking Deeper Connections, Enjoying Meaningful Talks

As you slow down and take back control of your life, you discover a new strength, the best version of yourself. You now understand yourself better than anyone else. People may notice changes in you, like not laughing at certain jokes or skipping events.

It’s because those jokes aren’t funny to you anymore, and you’ve moved beyond putting others down.

Some social gatherings may not interest you anymore because you’re seeking deeper, more thoughtful conversations. I hope this makes sense, I don’t want to go off track.

This change is deep and lasting.

Casual chats or conversations that don’t add value to your life no longer satisfy you. Instead, you crave meaningful connections and deep discussions, a clear sign of your journey to healing.

Your interactions now focus on understanding and building connections, a stark contrast to the shallow exchanges you may have endured with the narcissist.

Remember the times when you tried to have meaningful conversations with the narcissist, only to receive indifference or trivial responses. Now, after healing, everything is turning in your favor.

Wrap it up

Alright, everyone, that’s the end of the article. I hope it connected with you, I loved writing it for you. This is Ryan, remember you’re not alone. Your presence matters, and I appreciate each of you.

Remember, those of us who have reached a place of indifference worked hard to get here.

We’ve faced real tough times, sleepless nights, weight changes, and losing support. Some of us were isolated in the same place where we lived with a narcissist.

Each of us has a unique journey, but we share a common experience with narcissism.

Understanding how narcissists try to bring us down, yet seeing you here, strong in this community, is empowering.

Recognize that now you understand yourself better than anyone, including the narcissist, as you’ve gone through this life changing phase, you’re forever changed.

Many may struggle to understand this without facing a narcissistic relationship. I hope you find strength in understanding yours.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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