• business@ryanhwa.com
  • contact@ryanhwa.com
Blog
If You Can’t Feel, You Can’t Hurt

If You Can’t Feel, You Can’t Hurt

This truth is clear. Narcissists show this well, they don’t feel anything. They may pretend, but they don’t know love or empathy.

If You Can’t Feel, You Can’t Hurt ©Article cover made by the author.

They take everything from you like your time, energy, love, and care. When you cry during a movie time together, they’re busy on their phones or they try to see you reaction, not understanding your tears.

Why cry? or It’s so sweet to see you cry like this” they say, not caring about your feelings. They can’t understand what you feel.

Recognizing this is vital for healing. Narcissists are entirely different, they don’t empathize and are your opposite. Inside, there’s nothing but what they can take from you.

How Narcissists Exploit Trust and Vulnerability

Imagine meeting the narcissist for the first time, You were vulnerable or maybe grieving, starting fresh, and starting something new. The narcissist saw this and decided to become a part of your life.

They acted caring, wanting to know everything about your past and dreams, making you think they were on your side.

Unaware of narcissism, you believed them.

Perhaps you fell in love, moved in together, or started a project with them, all because you trusted their false front. But remember, narcissists don’t have real feelings.

I’m sorry to say that and It might sound harsh, but that’s how they are. They prey on empathetic people or those who don’t realize their own worth, just like you once did. You were out there, working hard and helping others, until you encountered the narcissist, a force that aims to hurt.

Healing from Narcissistic Manipulation and Rebuilding Life

Whether you met the narcissist recently or years ago, their presence completely disrupted your life. They manipulated your feelings, leaving you with distrust, confusion, and pain.

They made everything about them, ignoring your emotions and who you really are.

For example, if you cried during a movie or helped someone, they’d mock you, questioning your actions. “Who does that?” they’d say.

But you did, and so have I. I hope you understand what I’m saying, the narcissist didn’t want you to be yourself, and they feel no pain because they can’t feel.

Now, think about the end of the relationship, likely when they discarded you.

If that’s your story, my thoughts are with you. If you ended it, you still had to face difficult times to rebuilding your life, healing, and sorting through everything.

But as time passed, you slowed down, processed your feelings, survived through dark times, and eventually saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Day by day, you got closer to rediscovering your true self.

Healing and Moving on, Steps After Narcissistic Abuse

The narcissist doesn’t need healing because they can’t understand your feelings, it’s important to understand this deeply. After a relationship with a narcissist, take your time to process and focus on mindfulness, patience, calmness, resilience, and staying centered.

It won’t be easy, but with courage and determination, you’ll overcome it.

You’ll break free from the trauma and heal, if I can do it so can you. I’ve been through it and it’s possible, leave the burden of the narcissist behind.

If you haven’t already, cut off contact completely like block, delete, and distance yourself from anyone associated with them. If it’s hard, try the Grey Rock method.

I recommend it because it works well, restores your energy, and speeds up your healing journey, showing their lack of real care for you.

Narcissists thrive on hurting others, unlike most stable, average people who live without intentionally causing harm.

Think of a stable person, not overly empathetic or narcissistic, just living their life. They don’t seek to hurt others and may not have high empathy, and that’s okay, we’re all different. These people live positively, and I deeply respect that.

From Narcissists to Empaths, Understanding the Range of Human Behavior

On one side, there are narcissists and toxic people who enjoy causing chaos and seeing others suffer. They aim to destroy what matters most to their victims. Now, consider the opposite end, you find empaths.

Empathy is real, even if some doubt it. Which is fine

Just as narcissism exists, so does empathy. Those who deny empathy often lack it themselves, keep this in mind.

At the empathic pole are people like you, who want to make the world better by building, creating, nurturing relationships, and caring for others.

Narcissists saw you from this perspective and seized an opportunity to exploit your resources for their own gain, using you as long as they could.

Perhaps you didn’t realize the truth about your relationship at first, maybe it was with family. But eventually, you had a moment of clarity, a realization that something wasn’t right. This was when you woke up to the toxic, narcissistic nature of those close to you.

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior and Its Root Causes

As you immerse yourself in learning and exploring, you start noticing these people all around you, each with different intentions, many aiming to cause harm. Living with a narcissist, whether it’s a partner or family member, often means your things go missing, get damaged, or disappear without explanation.

They do this to prevent you from having a peaceful life.

These behaviors often stem from childhood. Remember those toys that vanished? It wasn’t your fault, they were probably hidden, given away, sold, or broken by someone in your family.

Dealing with narcissistic abuse is complex, like peeling back layers of an onion.

Narcissists don’t feel empathy or pain like you do. So, after a relationship with a narcissist, while you work on healing from childhood wounds, seeing therapists, journaling, and improving yourself.

The narcissist moves on easily to new people to exploit, they don’t need to heal or change. They just move forward, often showing off their new life on social media to hurt you more.

Letting Go, Moving Past Narcissistic Influence to Heal

That’s why I emphasize the importance of blocking these individuals, it’s crucial not to seek any information about them. Equally important is ensuring they know nothing about you, as being aware of their activities can hold you back.

It’s not just a trigger, it’s a barrier to moving forward, it keeps you stuck.

For those coping with life after a relationship with a narcissist, I strongly advise against driving by their home, peeking or spying on them, playing the blocking-unblocking game, asking others about them, or visiting places they frequent.

These actions will help you understand that the less you know, the stronger you’ll feel.

Your strength diminishes their hold over you. Eventually, they’ll become insignificant, less than a speck beneath your shoe, until they no longer matter at all.

This way leads to indifference, where you no longer care about the narcissist or anyone from that past.

While some of us are already there, reaching out to lift others up, many are just starting with this article. Some are halfway through, heading towards that summit. Others stand with me at the top, ready to support and witness your healing journey.

Resisting the Hoover, Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Manipulation

Think about this, narcissists can’t feel real emotions, so they can’t feel genuine pain. They’re masters of pretending, they can fake love, empathy, compassion, and care. But they can never have what you do like your realness, your ability to love deeply, create meaningfully, and give selflessly.

They can’t grasp wanting a long, happy life together.

Their goal is to disrupt your life. They want to block your success, derail your plans, and slow down your progress.

When they try to Hoover you, they’re testing if you’ve seen through their act, if you’ve figured out who they truly are, and if you’re strong enough not to fall for their manipulation.

Remember, never ever fall for a Hoover. It won’t help you, it’ll only keep you stuck or set you back on your healing journey. Narcissists didn’t care about you in the relationship, and they won’t start now or ever.

Healing After Narcissistic Abuse, Let those Emotions Out and Moving Forward

In the beginning of your relationship, you genuinely loved or were in love with them. But things changed, as you got deeper into the relationship, you entered a phase where you realized your energy and resources were being drained.

When the relationship ended, you saw clearly how little the narcissist cared about you.

In fact, they often felt disdain, jealousy, and envy towards you. They might have even wanted to be you, but their real goal was to tear you down. They didn’t want you to succeed or even be yourself.

Despite their efforts, here you are, still living and healing, maybe even fully healed.

You’ve put yourself back together because you have the ability to feel.

This is why, after a narcissistic relationship, it’s crucial to go no contact once you’ve healed. When the relationship ended, many people found themselves overwhelmed by tears and emotions that had been bottled up for so long.

You couldn’t express these feelings while with the narcissist, they didn’t want to hear it, couldn’t understand, and refused to let you be yourself. They saw you as someone to use, not someone with their own voice and needs.

Their goal was to take away who you are.

Now, after the relationship, it’s important to let those emotions out. Many of us cried a lot in the months that followed, while others found constructive ways to deal with their anger without hurting themselves.

Personally, I didn’t feel angry. Instead, I spent months crying and working through each wave of emotion. I know many of you are on the same healing journey.

Exposing the Narcissistic Reality, Manipulation and Self-Interest

Narcissists can’t feel genuine emotions. If they ever cried in front of you, those tears were fake, it’s meant to trick you into thinking they have empathy. The truth is, they’re completely incapable of it.

Once again I am sorry to say it cause you might find this harsh, but anyone who’s been in a relationship with a narcissist knows the reality.

These people care little about others, including you.

They’re focused solely on gaining hearts, relationships, money, time, and more. They thrive on causing chaos, especially after the relationship ends, to keep others trapped in their abusive cycle.

They don’t want anyone to see their true self, break free, heal, or find their own identity.

This is how a narcissist lives, they’re always comparing themselves to others, competing with spouses, friends, children, neighbors, and colleagues.

They’ll even compete with strangers, showing off their latest purchases like new earbuds or a fancy watch. But how did they get these things? Not through hard work, but likely by manipulating and using someone else to get what they want.

Confronting the Narcissistic Reality, Manipulation and Indifference

Narcissists live by cheating their way through life and relationships, believing they’re exempt from rules that apply to everyone else. They only care about themselves and what they can gain from others, viewing people as easy targets to use and discard.

Empathy is beyond them, they can’t feel it. Without empathy, healing is impossible.

They don’t feel remorse because they’re the ones causing harm, not you. You stayed in the relationship, hoping things would improve, unable to say no or set boundaries.

You believed in their false image, manipulated and trapped.

Many stay in these relationships for their kids or financial reasons, waiting for the right time to leave.

Narcissists exploit this, prolonging separations to cause maximum harm. They’re indifferent to the pain they cause, even alienating their own lawyers and shocking judges in court.

When confronted, narcissists show no remorse, admitting they lack humanity or decency. This is their reality to face, but it’s not something you need to endure anymore.

Wrap it up

It’s important to understand that healing often starts by cutting off all connections like emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual with those who harm you. When you break free from these people, you’ll feel a sense of freedom.

Your health, money, appearance, and friendships can all start to improve.

You might try new things like moving, teaching, learning, or creating.

You’ll begin a journey without toxic influences, focusing on reaching your fullest potential.

After you’ve gone through the healing process, there’s a time for thinking and emotional healing.

Even though it might be painful, crying and processing your feelings shows you’re growing stronger. This phase lets you grow like a phoenix from challenges, putting your well-being first and leaving behind toxic people.

Share this message with others who could benefit.

Remember, healing isn’t just about ending relationships but also about continuing to heal yourself. Feeling deeply is a strength, it shows you can understand and grow.

This is Ryan, wishing you peace and strength. Remember, true change begins with a spark.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

Now I am posting here on Medium only on Fridays and Saturdays.

Join me on Substack: https://ryanhwa.substack.com/

I post daily on Substack, starting with articles and audio podcasts. (Coming soon for audio podcast)

Or you can visit my website for free access: https://ryanhwa.com/

Feel free to highlight and comment on the parts of the article that resonated with you the most.


Thank you so much for reading everyone! Your encouragement really keeps me going. If you’d like to stay updated whenever I share something new on Medium, you can sign up to receive email notifications. By doing so, you’ll never miss out on any of my latest articles or stories.

You can support me by buy me a coffee on the link here or join my membership here! Your support enables me to continue my work with gratitude. ☕️

⭐️Get early access to my articles or podcasts before I post them anywhere else.⭐️

Your support means the world to me. Thank you for being a part of this journey, and I look forward to sharing more stories with you in the future!

❤ Thank you Everyone! Love you all, Stay Vibrate Higher — Ryan Hwa❤

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *