Why am I struggling? I had a loving family and a happy upbringing. Join us as we explore the unique dynamics of being The Golden Child Syndrome, and uncover five key traits and their causes.

Do you ever feel like you’re carrying too much responsibility? Do you often doubt your decisions, worrying if they meet others’ expectations? If you feel this way, you might be The Golden Child in your family. This article is for you.

As The Golden Child, we were usually the favorite in our family, getting extra attention and praise. 

People expect us to do really well in everything, like at school or work, where we’re often seen as the best. But it’s tough because we always feel like we have to be perfect. 

If we make mistake, we let everyone down.

Before we begin, it’s important to know that being The Golden Child can be different for everyone. This article is about the Golden Child who gets lots of praise and attention, but your experience might be different. 

Maybe your parents weren’t as involved, or you didn’t get as much attention. Every experience is unique and important.

Now, let’s jump into the five traits often found in Golden children and understand what motivates them.

First up: Feeling the need to always do your best

“Come on, try again. I’m tired of practicing my singing. Does that mean you don’t want to make mommy happy? Of course, I love you, mommy. If you really love me and want our family to be proud, then smile and practice your singing.”

The Golden Child usually faces big expectations. 

You might feel like you always have to do your best, be perfect, and meet what others want from you. 

Golden children often find themselves in a world where people expect a lot from them, and any mistake seems like a big letdown.

Growing up as The Golden Child means getting praised a lot for even small things you do. 

Both parents and siblings give you plenty of compliments, making it seem like you always have to do well. This constant praise can make you believe that failing is not okay and gives you a different idea of what’s true.

Imagine Camille, The Golden Child in her family. 

Since she was young, Camille’s parents cheered for every success, no matter how little. Whether it was doing well on a test or finishing a simple chore, Camille always got praised. 

As she grew up, Camille thought she had to be great at everything to stay The Golden Child.

Now, let’s jump to Camille’s grown-up years, where she always tries to be perfect in everything. 

Whether it’s her job, relationships, or personal stuff, Camille feels a ton of pressure to do great. Even small bumps or failures make her feel like she’s not good enough. Even though she seems successful on the outside, Camille struggles with the big expectations set for her.

Can you relate to any of this? Feeling like you always have to prove how good you are even when it feels impossible? Let me know in the comments.

Trait two: Feeling all mixed up about who you are (Identity entanglement) 

Identity entanglement is when you feel stuck between who you are and who others want you to be, especially your family. Golden children often struggle with this, feeling torn inside. 

Being The Golden Child means your family shapes who you are, not necessarily yourself. 

This pressure to fit in makes it hard to know what you truly want.

Let’s talk about Ganjar for example, The Golden Child in his family. 

Since he was young, Ganjar’s parents pushed him to do what they wanted, not what he wanted. Even though he liked other things, Ganjar felt like he had to do what his parents said to make them happy. 

Now that Ganjar is grown up, he’s stuck between what he wants and what his family wants. 

Even though he’s doing well in his job, Ganjar feels empty and sad. He’s trying to figure out who he really is while also trying to make his family happy, which makes him feel lost and disappointed.

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in someone else’s life instead of living your own? If yes, please share your thoughts in the comments below; I’d love to hear from you.

Trait three: Relying too much on others for how you feel (Emotional dependency)

Emotional dependency means relying heavily on others for validation, support, and emotional stability, sometimes forgetting about your own independence and well-being. 

Golden children might feel stuck always seeking validation from others to feel secure and loved, which can make them really scared of being left or rejected.

As The Golden Child grows up, they often get a lot of love and attention from their family. 

This constant praise and validation can make them really attached to others, like their parents and siblings, for emotional support. 

Golden children might struggle to learn good ways to handle their feelings and calm down, depending more on others to help them feel safe.

What could this situation be like? Let’s consider Sophie. As The Golden Child in her family, Sophie received plenty of love and praise from her parents and siblings.

She learned that feeling loved and accepted means getting approval from others, always seeking reassurance and compliments to feel happy. 

Because of this, Sophie finds it hard to trust herself and manage her emotions alone, often needing assistance and support from others even for minor matters.

Now, fast forward to when Sophie is all grown up. She depends a lot on her partner, friends, and family to feel good about herself and safe. 

It’s difficult for her to assert herself and make decisions alone because she fears people won’t like her. Despite appearing successful, Sophie’s emotional well-being isn’t very strong. 

She relies on others to feel okay about herself.

Do you ever feel like you rely on others to feel good about yourself and stay emotionally okay? How many of these three signs we’ve talked about do you see in yourself?

Fourth: Fear of Independence

What does it mean to be scared of independence? It’s when you feel stressed or worried about making choices and being responsible for your own life, preferring to have others make decisions for you. 

Golden children might find it tough to grasp independence, feeling afraid of the unknown and not confident in their ability to handle grown-up life.

Growing up as The Golden Child often means others decide for you or shield you from the results of your choices. 

Your parents and siblings might have led your life, pointing it where they believed was best, leaving you feeling unready to choose and be on your own. 

This lack of freedom can make you doubt yourself, hesitant to take control of your life.

What might this seem like? Let’s discuss Giri, The Golden Child in his family. When he was growing up, Giri’s parents and siblings made decisions for him, such as his after-school activities and his educational path. 

Initially, it felt secure and directed, but later, Giri started feeling nervous about making his own decisions. He questioned if he could handle things without assistance as he got older, fearing he might make mistakes or let others down.

Now, let’s jump to Giri’s adult years, where he’s stuck not knowing what to do and scared of being in charge of his life. 

He relies a lot on others for advice and always wants their approval before making any decision, no matter how small. Even though he wants to be independent, Giri struggles to make his own choices and speak up for himself. 

He’s afraid of what could go wrong and wonders if he can handle life without others’ help.

Do you relate to feeling scared of taking control of your own life? Maybe a bit? Do you feel stressed about making decisions and being responsible for yourself?

Number five: Avoiding responsibility

“I’m so tired. Finally, a chance to sit down after working three days this week.”

“Oh, you got a job?”

“Yeah, been working for about 2 weeks now. You’d know if you ever came over.”

“Okay, got it. I’ve been working since I was like 16, so, yeah, life’s been busy. What job did you get?”

“Here we go again. It’s always about you, isn’t it? Why do I even ask?”

“Hey, your sister’s had a rough week. She’s just trying to connect. Maybe it would’ve been easier if you’d been a supportive brother.”

“Uh, I’m out. Can’t deal with this.”

“Of course, you always leave when things get hard. Can’t handle being criticized, huh?”

Avoiding responsibility means not doing what you are supposed to do and letting someone else take care of it. 

Golden children might struggle with responsibility, often avoiding tasks or decisions that require effort or commitment because they are afraid of failing or dealing with the consequences.

Growing up as a golden child often means being shielded from the consequences of our actions, with others taking care of our responsibilities. 

Parents and siblings might have protected us from failure and hardship, making us feel unprepared to face challenges or take responsibility for our actions. 

This lack of accountability can make us feel entitled or indifferent, leading to a habit of avoiding responsibilities.

Let’s look at Camille for example, the golden child in her family. As she grew up, her parents and siblings took care of everything for her, shielding her from life’s difficulties. 

At first, this made her feel safe and comfortable, but eventually, Camille got used to others handling her responsibilities. 

She started avoiding tasks or decisions that needed effort or commitment, preferring to rely on others to help her out.

Fast forward to adulthood, Camille still avoids responsibilities, dodging tasks that need effort and commitment. 

She relies on others to do the work and avoids confrontation or taking the blame for her actions. Even though she wants success and fulfillment, Camille has a hard time taking responsibility because she fears failure and the consequences.

Do any of you golden children avoid responsibility? Or maybe you feel the opposite, like being the golden child makes you feel overly responsible. Do you relate to that?

Wrap it up

Being the golden child has its own challenges. People might look at your life and think it’s perfect, but you might wonder in therapy, “What’s wrong with me? My family was great to me, so why am I struggling?”

I hope this article has shown how golden children might have felt loved but not fully accepted for who they truly are, flaws and all. 

Let me emphasize this: some of you may have felt loved, but were you truly embraced for everything about you, both the good and the bad, through both success and failure?

Although everyone’s experiences are different, I hope these patterns help you understand what some of you might be going through.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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