Today, we’re talking about the losses caused by narcissists. Narcissists try hard to take away who you really are, crossing items off their harmful checklist very well. But even though they try, they can’t take everything. It’s our strength and determination that help us heal and reclaim what’s rightfully ours.

Because the narcissist tried to bring us down, but they didn’t succeed, and now we’re rebuilding. Narcissists try to damage relationships with family, children, stepchildren, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and even lifelong friends or parents.

They want to create divisions between you and your supporters.

That’s why I often talk about how in a narcissistic relationship, you end up being like them.

You lose your own identity. It’s hard for many to understand at first because you have to experience it to really get it.

You put the narcissist first, doing things like apologizing, helping, running errands, and paying bills. These are the things I discuss a lot here, things that often harm you.

Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Family Relationships and Memories

During the devaluation stage, you put your life on hold, trapped in the fog created by the narcissist. Apart from damaging relationships, think about the memories you cherished with loved ones.

Consider the moments you could have enjoyed with them.

For instance, with your kids you may have raised them, been a part of their lives, but now you feel distant.

The narcissist likely drove a wedge between you and your children.

They might now act like perfect parents while painting you as the bad one, despite you being caring. They want to control the children, making them copies of themselves.

Narcissists aim to steal precious relationships and the memories you hold dear.

They want to erase the times you spent with others. Take extended family, for example. Maybe you traveled the world with them, organizing trips and sharing experiences. Now, you’ve lost touch because they sided with the narcissist when you were discarded.

Disrupted Family Celebrations and Vacations Due to Narcissistic Influence

But all those cherished memories like holidays, birthdays, barbecues, trips, and more, were taken away from you. You went through those experiences, right? There were surely some good times in there.

But the narcissist often spoiled those memories by causing conflicts between you and your close family or former in-laws.

Let’s talk about vacations and holidays. Almost every vacation, holiday, birthday, or event was affected.

Were they all ruined? Not completely.

But many had problems that stopped you from fully enjoying yourself.

The narcissist couldn’t stay calm and wouldn’t let you relax either. On those trips, you probably had a full schedule, plans for every day from the first to the fifteenth.

What happened? You never got to fully appreciate the places you visited. Instead, you rushed around, checking off tasks: “Okay, we did this, now let’s go here, we did that, now onto the next thing.” There was no time to just be there and have fun.

The Endless Pursuit and Isolation Tactics of Narcissists

Remember, narcissists can’t just relax. They’re always looking for distractions like their phone, attention from others, pets, events, vacations, and shopping online.

This is how they operate. They can’t enjoy the present moment or appreciate what they have.

Instead, they’re constantly chasing after things they’ll never find, whether it’s the perfect partner, more money, or more houses.

Their desires are endless, like a bottomless pit.

In the past, they tried to take away your precious time with your kids, family, and friends. These moments are important. Being stuck in a narcissistic relationship where you’re isolated and not treated well is tough.

Others don’t see the real you.

You’re constantly put down, and the narcissist spreads lies to make you doubt yourself and push away those who support you. They do this on purpose to keep you from seeing who they truly are, healing, or breaking free by cutting them off completely, including their allies.

If you realize you’re in this situation and can leave, I strongly recommend doing so. Once you understand the toxicity of the relationship, every minute you stay is one minute wasted.

I. How Narcissists Affect Hobbies and Finding Happiness Again

Let’s think about what these people try to do by taking away the things you love. Think about your hobbies. Maybe you used to enjoy singing, traveling, or reading.

The narcissist always kept you busy with chores like digging, washing, paying bills, so you couldn’t relax and enjoy quiet times with your hobbies.

Their goal was to disrupt your peace and drain your energy.

They didn’t want you to have fun reading, traveling, or singing. They made you feel bad for wanting these simple joys, saying they were a waste of time or money. Maybe your mic condenser and your sound card stayed in storage for years because the narcissist didn’t approve.

Now that you’re free from their control, you’re rediscovering your hobbies.

You’re enjoying reading, trying new things, and pursuing what makes you happy. You know you can choose any activity you like, whether it’s singing or reading a good book. These choices are yours now, without anyone else telling you what you can or cannot do.

II. How Narcissists Affect Hobbies and Finding Happiness Again

Did you get back into those hobbies while you were with the narcissist? Probably not, they wouldn’t allow it. But once you escaped their toxicity, maybe you dusted off those mic and sound card and hit the notes again, rediscovering your love for singing.

The same goes for traveling. Enjoy catching wave? The narcissist might say, “Sure, surfing isn’t that expensive, but why spend time away from me? You should be with me.”

You might wonder, “When I’m with you, you don’t want me around. When I’m not, suddenly you do. What’s going on?”

The narcissist tries to ruin your hobbies and interests, just like everything else. They crave new distractions and wanted to keep you trapped in their manipulative cycle, drowning in toxicity.

That was their goal, to keep you stuck in that destructive loop until something changed: the relationship itself.

Either they left you, and I’m sorry if that happened to you, or you woke up and ended things with a solid plan. Making an exit plan is crucial once you realize you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. I’ll be writing articles about this soon because having a plan is really important.

Narcissistic Impact on Health and Support During Challenges

Couple weeks ago, I started talking about exit plans in my articles because that’s what I had to do. Let me tell you, focusing on removing yourself from the relationship instead of giving them all your energy really works.

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists also try to take away your hobbies.

What about your health? Did you have health concerns, maybe more than one? These issues likely got worse because of the pressure and stress from the relationship.

The narcissist didn’t contribute much except draining your time, money, energy, and empathy.

If you had health problems, how did the narcissist handle them? Were they there for you during hospital visits or doctor appointments? Maybe they came along, but were they really paying attention? Or were they distracted by their phone, not really supporting you through your challenges? This kind of behavior is typical for narcissists.

The Narcissistic Cycle of Exploitation and Emotional Manipulation

Imagine needing other major surgery, something serious requiring urgent attention. Did the narcissist step up to help financially or support you? Chances are, they didn’t lift a finger.

Instead, they likely watched as you scrambled to gather funds, finding some twisted pleasure in your struggles.

Despite having plenty in their bank account, they didn’t care enough to assist. That’s just too easy for them. If they truly cared, they’d use their resources to help, especially with health matters. But that’s not how these people operate.

They’d rather watch your challenges up close or from afar.

They thrive on seeing how much pressure you can endure before something breaks. Narcissistic relationships have an expiration date, something we now understand well.

When you were in that relationship, they systematically took away so much from you, often leaving you bewildered.

It wasn’t something you learned before, that someone who claimed to love you could be your worst enemy.

You found yourself tangled with the enemy, facing gaslighting, stonewalling, silent treatment, smear campaigns, and manipulation tactics.

You endured blame-shifting, projection, and mirroring, trapped in a trauma bond. You knew things were getting worse while the narcissist distanced themselves more each day.

They were grooming a replacement, maybe spending time with a new coworker who became their fresh source of attention. This pattern of seeking new victims spans across different places, as they move from person to person, always on the lookout for unsuspecting individuals to exploit.

False Love and Longing in Relationships with Narcissists

And that’s why narcissists are always on the move, glued to their smartphones, caring only about themselves and no one else. Looking back now, it’s clear, they never had your best interests at heart.

Imagine entering a marriage or relationship with a narcissist.

You couldn’t predict how things would change after the wedding.

The narcissist saw you as trapped, thinking few people divorce right after marriage, though some do, a sign of trouble. But you didn’t realize this then.

You likely hoped to revive the relationship, to feel the love again.

But it never happened. Instead, you got small doses of fake empathy and love, just enough to keep you tied to the relationship while the narcissist continued taking from you.

It was like watching a magic show where they kept performing the trick of deception, taking more and more from you each day.

Narcissistic Manipulation and Exploitation in Personal and Family Matters

Look left, then right, and there I am, ready to take everything from you. It’s all about trickery and manipulation, it’s how narcissists operate. But remember, this is your life.

Life isn’t a game, it’s meant to be lived, enjoyed, experienced, and respected.

Unfortunately, narcissists don’t see it that way. They see other people’s lives as opportunities to ruin, to create conflict, to grab what they don’t deserve.

Deep down, narcissists are full of envy and jealousy towards almost everyone. They’re anxious, yet they feel entitled to everything without consequences.

Their strategy is simple: take, take, take.

And when they’ve taken enough, they want more. That’s their lifelong plan, taking from their kids, parents, siblings, colleagues, neighbors and anyone they can exploit, without feeling sorry or guilty.

Think about inheritance, for example.

Imagine if one of your siblings is a narcissist. The will is set, and you’re supposed to get your fair share, let’s say a portion. You and your sibling are named in the will, but your sibling is manipulative.

They might move in with the sick parent, claiming to care for them, while saying you haven’t done anything to help.

Then, quietly or openly, they arrange to change the will, cutting you out completely. When the parent passes away, you’re shocked to find yourself left with nothing like no money, no assets, everything you were promised is gone.

Your sibling took it all, manipulating the situation to suit their own selfish desires.

This is what dealing with narcissists is like, they excel at exploiting weaknesses, rewriting stories, and taking whatever they feel they deserve, no matter who they hurt or what the consequences are.

Wrap it up

So, here’s the message today. it’s important to set boundaries, keep a small circle of trusted people, avoid sharing too much, and not always try to please everyone.

Watch what people do, not just what they say because actions speak louder than words.

And remember to be cautious about what you share. Not everyone has your best interests at heart, especially narcissists.

That wraps up this piece. I hope you found it helpful. It’s been great writing it for you. This is Ryan signing off. Remember, you’re not alone, keep that in mind.

I appreciate each of you. If today brings challenges, stay strong and focused on healing. Just know, where you are now isn’t where you’ll always be, things get better with time, effort, and persistence.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, I’m trying to keep it simple. God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out the most popular Medium publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more: Me and Narcissism or you can visit my website: https://ryanhwa.com/

Also you can read more here:

When the Narcissist’s Reality Falls Apart

How Energy Flows Between You and a Narcissist

Why Do Narcissists Always Seem to Make the Same Mistakes?

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