It’s an important skill, especially when dealing with narcissistic relationships, both during and after. Many times in life, the best thing to do is just not to act. Let’s look at some examples from before you knew a narcissist and everyday situations.

Imagine it’s a windy day outside, with gusts of wind and occasional showers, and you feel like going to the store. You don’t really have to, but you want to. The weather is becoming more unpredictable.

Do you need to go out in that windy weather to get what you want? No, you don’t. But do you still want to? Yes. However, you could be taking a risk.

What if you encounter strong gusts that make driving difficult, or worse, a tree branch falls and blocks the road? Sometimes, it’s wiser not to act. Trust your instincts and observe the signs around you.

Before you understood narcissistic abuse, you might have faced similar choices. Back then, it wasn’t always clear what the best thing to do was. You might have taken risks that didn’t pay off.

Over time, you’ve probably learned that avoiding unnecessary risks is better. It’s about making thoughtful decisions based on what you know and feel.

Recognizing Red Flags, Trusting Your Intuition with Narcissistic Individuals

Let’s think about another situation, Imagine you had an important class to study for, needing that last credit to graduate from university or high school. You kept putting it off until the test day came.

Without enough preparation, maybe you didn’t get the perfect grade you could have. Instead, you settled for a minimum. It’s a classic case of not trusting your gut and not studying as much as you should have.

These are everyday examples, things most of us have experienced in some way.

Now, in the context of dealing with a narcissistic person whether they were a friend, coworker, romantic partner, or even a family member like a sibling, parent, or uncle, there were times you felt you should avoid interacting with them.

Imagine the narcissist, wherever they were or are, being in a bad mood — something you could sense from being around them for a while, seeing their ups and downs. Back then, you didn’t understand narcissism, and you didn’t have the wisdom you have today.

Choosing the Right Path, Dealing with Narcissistic Behavior

Let’s think about another situation, imagine you noticed someone was in a bad mood. What did you do? You stayed around them because that’s what they wanted. During those times, you faced verbal, financial, spiritual, mental, emotional abuse or maybe all of them.

The important thing is, over time, you learned from these experiences and gained wisdom.

Perhaps now you’ve cut off contact and blocked the narcissist, if so that’s great. It’s also smart to distance yourself from flying monkeys and anyone associated with them, as they keep you tied to the narcissist’s influence.

It’s crucial not to stay close to that toxicity, not even one step away.

It’s best to completely disappear from their radar. If that’s not possible, using the gray rock method, being boring and unresponsive can help protect you I already proved it and it’s worked.

Looking back, sometimes the wisest choice was to do nothing.

When you were in that relationship, you gradually realized that opening the door could mean dealing with unpredictable behaviors from the narcissist.

There were moments when you hesitated to greet them because you feared their mood swings. If you avoided them, there might be consequences later that day or night. The narcissist always monitored your actions closely, especially if you didn’t meet their expectations.

Remember, during that time, you were conditioned, manipulated, and trained to act in specific ways.

When the narcissist demanded something, you obeyed without question. This perfectly illustrates the confusion and control of narcissistic abuse, you found yourself trapped without knowing how you got there or how to escape.

As you noticed their behavior worsening and their time with you decreasing, it became clear they were likely seeking someone new to manipulate.

Thrill-Seeking and How Narcissists Act on Impulse

Let’s talk about another aspect: Narcissists always seek attention from many people. Even if you were their main focus for a while, they had others waiting in the wings. That’s why they’re often on social media, dating apps, and constantly moving around.

They can’t stay still because they need constant excitement.

Think about the example of driving in bad weather from earlier. It’s not directly related to narcissism, but I’m connecting it now. Narcissists are like thrill-seekers who take more risks than most.

They’ll drive in storms or any tough conditions because it’s thrilling and unpredictable things, they enjoy.

So, when they insisted on going out in a storm to get something they didn’t really need or want, it might have been a game. Maybe it was just an excuse while they actually went to see someone new, subtly revealing their true intentions.

Think about this, did they come back with what they said they were going to buy, or did they claim it was sold out? At the time, you probably believed them more because you were worried about their safety than whether they actually got the item, they didn’t really need it anyway.

Dealing with Narcissists Deception

They would often confuse you by saying, “Oh, the item wasn’t available because I was at someone else’s place.” This happened more times than I’d like to admit. If you’ve experienced this too, share your thoughts below.

With narcissists, you never really know where they are when they’re not with you.

Even when they’re physically there, mentally, they’re somewhere else. They could be sitting right next to you but mentally not present.

Instead, they’re planning how to manipulate you, get what they want from you, or rush through dinners you’ve treated them to so they can get back to their own agenda. Their mind is always calculating, always planning the next move, always looking for the next opportunity.

Finding Peace, Do Nothing After Narcissistic Relationships

After everything discussed, sometimes the smartest thing to do is nothing. Whether you were left by them or chose to end things yourself, I understand how tough it is to be in a narcissistic relationship, especially without knowing what’s really going on.

But even when you do understand, it can be just as hard, especially if you’re still connected to them legally or because of family ties.

You might not agree, but it’s important to realize that understanding the situation doesn’t always make the abuse easier to bear. If you’re still tied to the narcissist, whether through legal issues or family obligations, it can feel very difficult.

I truly hope you haven’t been in a narcissistic relationship, and if you are in one now, I hope you find freedom from it.

As I said before, sometimes the best thing to do after leaving a narcissistic relationship is to take no action. Imagine you’re on a journey to heal, starting to see that the narcissist never really cared about your well-being.

Seeking Closure from a Narcissist, The False Hope of Finding Answers

In the past, now, and in the future, the narcissist never really cared about you. They wore a mask to manipulate and control you, keeping you in a relationship where they took everything like your time, money, energy, love, empathy, even your health. They wanted your social status, your possessions or anything they could get.

When they dumped you for someone else or their own selfish reasons, it’s called the discard phase.

But this article isn’t about that. What’s important is how, after they dumped you, you probably tried to contact them for closure. You might have texted, called, or emailed them to get answers.

Here’s the truth, the narcissist won’t give you closure.

They can’t and In fact, they want the opposite. They want to keep you confused and stuck in their web of manipulation, they don’t want you to see who they really are or understand why they do what they do.

Breaking the Cycle From Narcissist, Gaining Clarity and Moving Forward

Back then, you contacted them because you didn’t know better. This cycle feeds the narcissist’s desires, ensuring they get everything they want from you. They make you think you’re getting the best from them, but it’s actually the worst.

There were moments of happiness in the relationship, but they were brief.

The negativity, toxicity, and abuse outweighed any joy. If you’re unsure, list the good and bad parts of the relationship on paper. It’ll show you the truth.

When you sought closure from them, that’s what they craved.

They wanted to feel important and needed. With time, you realized it was best not to contact them. Instead, take back what’s rightfully yours like your belongings, custody of your children, and divide your home. Then, cut off all contact with them completely.

Surviving Relationships After Narcissism, The Dangers of Seeking Approval

If you’ve progressed in healing or taken these steps, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. It’s important to acknowledge that after a narcissistic relationship, there were times when you might have done things that weren’t in your best interest.

For example, after the relationship ended, you might have reached out to the narcissist’s family or friends, hoping to explain yourself or gather information.

However, you soon realized they mostly sided with the narcissist.

They didn’t listen or show empathy. Instead, they often passed on your words to the narcissist. These people are often called flying monkeys, though you may not have recognized their role at the time.

Finding Compassion, Overcoming Regret After Narcissistic Relationships

After being in a narcissistic relationship, it’s normal to feel regretful. You might think, “I shouldn’t have done that” or “What was I thinking?” It’s important to be kind to yourself.

If you didn’t harm anyone, even if it felt like you made mistakes, remember you were doing the best you could without knowing better.

Understanding narcissistic abuse changes everything.

Before, you might have felt trapped in manipulation, unsure how to protect yourself or manage your energy.

You didn’t realize the person wasn’t looking out for your best interests. It’s important to note that not everyone who isn’t a narcissist always has your best interests either.

Be gentle with yourself for your actions before you gained this understanding.

Now that you do, healing involves finding peace and not letting others drain your energy or time. Focus on rebuilding yourself and finding fulfillment. That’s the path to true healing.

Surviving Life After Narcissism, Embracing Clarity and Boundaries

You don’t need drama, chaos, or confusion in your life anymore, especially from narcissists or other toxic people. You’ve been through the cycle, you understand how it repeats, and you know narcissists are everywhere and will keep behaving the same way.

Setting boundaries, not trying to please everyone, and learning to say no are important steps to find peace again.

Even as you heal and reach a point where you don’t let things bother you as much, you’ll still see situations that remind you why sometimes doing nothing is the best after dealing with a narcissistic relationship.

You’ll see all kinds of behaviors around you. Some good, some strange or disruptive. Among the challenges, you’ll also witness genuine kindness and love, even if narcissists try to fake it.

Now, your clarity and healing give you the ability to understand things better.

You can see through different perspectives. Despite narcissists continuing to manipulate, you’ll also notice moments of real connection and warmth. For example, you might see couples enjoying a pleasant day together in a park, showing affection and happiness.

Observing Relationship Interactions, Reflecting on Past Experiences

Imagine seeing couples holding hands or embracing as they walk through stores or aisles. It shows they’re close and enjoying each other’s company. Now, picture another couple where one person is walking ahead while the other asks to slow down and spend time together.

You might recognize this dynamic, it could be a minor disagreement or something deeper, like when you were with a narcissist who often acted as if they were single in public places.

That’s a common trait among narcissists.

Now that you understand these differences, observe without intervening. Notice the genuine affection in one couple and silently acknowledge the dynamics in the other that remind you of your past experiences.

Being single or independent means you can move through stores and restaurants at your own pace without anyone else’s influence.

You’re living authentically, no longer chasing after someone who isn’t fully committed. You’ve moved beyond the manipulation tactics, gaslighting, and emotional turmoil. By learning about narcissistic abuse and focusing on healing, you’ve freed yourself from toxicity.

Celebrating Freedom, Life After Narcissistic Abuse

I’ve learned important lessons from that relationship and used them in my life today. I’ve healed by meditating or praying daily, going to therapy, reading, writing, exercising, and taking care of myself in every way.

I’ve rebuilt myself spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially, and regained my health. Now, I live life on my own terms.

Now, people have to earn a place in my life. I decide freely how I spend my time and who I spend it with. It’s a big change, in the cycle of narcissistic abuse, everything was about meeting the narcissist’s demands on their schedule.

If I didn’t, there were consequences. But now, without that person and after real healing, important to heal properly, not just cover up the wounds temporarily, life is different.

Since the relationship end, I’ve gained clarity and independence after.

I pursue my passions without any interference. I enjoy learning, sharing, writing, reading, and traveling. I may have moved, picked up old hobbies, made new friends, or even found love again.

What matters most is that I’ve achieved all this without drama or a narcissist controlling my life from afar, pretending not to care. Those difficult days are behind me now.

Guiding Life with Intention, Embodying Empathy and Wisdom

Now, as I share these thoughts with you, think about whether you want to share wisdom from your life not just about dealing with narcissism, but any knowledge you’ve gained over time.

Take your time to think because now you’re a wise empath.

That means you don’t give away your empathy or wisdom freely anymore. You think carefully like does this person deserve my advice? Will it benefit both of us? Or are they trying to manipulate or control me? Is this person acting on behalf of someone else?

These are all important things to consider.

You don’t have to think about each question one by one. Instead, you slow down and take charge of your life. For instance, imagine getting an email right now from anyone, but definitely not a narcissist.

You can choose to reply now or wait until you have free time. You realize that you have the freedom to focus on what’s important to you, like taking a relaxing walk, enjoying the music, sing, painting, watching a movie, or exercising.

With these thoughts in mind, you no longer feel pressured to meet others’ demands on their schedule. You do things when it suits you and fits into your own schedule.

Wrap it up

When we realize we control our lives, we understand we shape our futures, not the narcissist. At first, we might have mistaken the narcissist for someone like us, but they’re quite different almost opposite.

So, remember this often, the wisest choice is to do nothing.

Avoid answering calls right away. Wait before sending emails. Don’t react hastily when you’re not feeling your best. Don’t let others decide how you should act or when.

Do things at your own speed, or choose not to act if it doesn’t feel right.

That’s the gist. I hope this article resonated with you. It’s been a pleasure writing for you. This is Ryan, remember you’re never alone.

Take this message, sometimes the best decision is simply to wait and see. This applies in many situations, whether dealing with narcissism or other challenges in life.

If you feel unsure, trust that feeling. It’s often smart to take a moment. It mirrors our early encounters with narcissists, where we sensed something wasn’t right but didn’t listen. Now, we’ve learned from that mistake. We conserve our energy and focus on what truly matters.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

Now I am posting here on Medium only on Fridays and Saturdays.

Join me on Substack: https://ryanhwa.substack.com/

I post daily on Substack, starting with articles and audio podcasts. (Coming soon for audio podcast)

Or you can visit my website for free access: https://ryanhwa.com/

Feel free to highlight and comment on the parts of the article that resonated with you the most.