Let’s talk about there’s no going back in a narcissistic relationship. Whether you’re dealing with life after a narcissistic relationship or trying to break free from their control, like in a divorce or separation, it’s a tough road ahead.
When you start pondering, “Was the narcissist truly that awful? Was the relationship so toxic?” Take a moment to reflect on the entirety of that relationship. Ask yourself why you’re no longer with them. Recall all the hardships you endured and how many chances you gave them.
Perhaps they recently approached you, saying, “Let’s give it another shot. I’ve changed, found religion, been in therapy. I’m a different person now. I deeply love you” and so forth.
They can say anything, but one thing remains consistent: narcissists often seek another chance, whether through their words or their abusive behavior.
They want to return, perhaps to finish what they started because their previous attempts weren’t sufficient.
Narcissists always rewrite history to lure you back and weaken your defenses for another chance. As I always advise, once you recognize you’re in a narcissistic relationship, the best course of action is to cut off contact completely.
Block them, delete them, and distance yourself from anyone connected to them. If that’s not feasible, consider using the grey rock method to detach and become less engaging to them.
Establishing Limits, Managing Interactions with a Narcissist After Leaving
The narcissist might still be involved in your life through child custody, assets, or ongoing divorce matters. They could be a parent, sibling, coworker, or neighbor, so you’ll still have to deal with them in some ways.
But giving them another chance to come back into your life, now or ever? No, that’s not an option because you can’t forget what you’ve been through.
You endured behaviors that were unimaginable verbal, mental, emotional abuse, and maybe even physical abuse or financial manipulation.
Eventually, something had to change.
Maybe the narcissist ended things abruptly, a term I don’t like but it’s what’s used. Or perhaps you decided to leave and plan your exit carefully because the relationship was too much to bear.
Breaking the Cycle, Recognizing Manipulative Tactics and Choosing to Leave
You’ve experienced times when you returned to them repeatedly, or they begged, pleaded, or pretended to cry to draw you back in. This is common in narcissistic relationships, they use these tactics to manipulate you mentally.
If you chose to leave them, especially if you’re seeking a divorce, there’s a reason for it.
You left because you knew things needed to change. The narcissist kept pushing with their verbal and other forms of abuse.
Finally, you gathered your things and left, likely after planning your exit carefully. You did this to heal, simplify your life, and process what happened in that relationship.
You realized they couldn’t change. In fact, they were getting worse over time. Despite your efforts to hold things together, you kept facing toxic behavior, like being a Band-Aid that kept getting torn off.
Understanding the Narcissistic Cycle, Manipulation, Entitlement, and Childhood Impact
So, what did the narcissist do next? They played down how bad things were or asked you to give them another chance. Sometimes they’d disappear for a while, only to act like everything was perfect when they returned.
Narcissists aren’t stable, they live in a world where they can do what they want without consequences. They think they’re above rules, smarter than others, and entitled to whatever they want.
Narcissists are jealous, cowardly, and often use bullying tactics.
They’re basically empty inside. Maybe you had a narcissistic parent, what was that like for you? Perhaps your childhood wasn’t what you expected because one or both parents were toxic.
As you grew up, you compared your upbringing to friends and realized how different it was.
While some had loving families and happy celebrations, yours might have been filled with arguments, broken dishes, and unfairly blamed for things.
Despite this, you were told to be grateful for your family. These differences in childhood experiences are stark.
Everyone’s upbringing is unique, some had great childhoods, while others faced challenges. As a child, you had to decide whether to stick to kindness or be influenced by negativity around you.
Impact of Narcissistic Behaviors on Personal Values and Relationships
Depending on your experiences, you decided to either be a good person who adds to society or to take on harmful behaviors like stealing others’ dreams and identities, something narcissists and others often do.
That’s why once you’ve seen the truth, going back isn’t an option.
The things you went through are hard to explain to others because they might not get it.
For example, if you’re getting divorced from a narcissist and try to explain it to friends, it’s not easy. They drag out the process, trying to take your money, kids, everything.
Winning is everything to them, it’s a constant competition. If they aren’t manipulating or winning, it’s like they can’t function. That’s just how they are.
Dealing with Narcissists Trying to Pull You Back, Recognizing Tactics to Keep Healing and Moving Forward
Now, in everything I’ve told you, there will be times when you feel really strong and are making progress in healing. You’re putting yourself back together. But sometimes, the narcissist may try to Hoover you, asking for another chance, wanting to start over fresh.
Understand, this is meant to stop your progress and slow down your healing.
Narcissists have a strong intuition, they know when you’re getting stronger or feeling vulnerable. They saw your empathy, kindness, and stability as weaknesses during your relationship because they lack these qualities.
After breaking free, as you work to move forward, they might pull at your heartstrings now and then. It’s a tactic to break you down again, testing if you’ll go back to them.
Avoiding the Narcissist’s Cycle, Recognizing Red Flags and Maintaining Your Progress
If you fall for their false mask again, if you give them another chance to pretend with fake love and empathy whether it’s for a day, a week, or a month before they return to their cycle of hurting and devaluing you, the cycle will keep repeating.
So, why avoid going back? It’s because you’ve been through something most people haven’t.
You’ve healed or are well on your way, and you’re realizing that reaching a state of not caring is your goal. Facing another hurdle like the narcissist trying to pull you back in, suggesting another chance or meeting, isn’t a good sign.
It means, first, the narcissist is still in your thoughts. Second, they still have power over you. And third, you might have stumbled, letting emotions cloud your judgment.
Why Returning to the Narcissist Isn’t an Option
You might be thinking, “Was it really that bad? Should I go back? Maybe just talk to them?” The answer to all those questions is a firm no. Once you see who the narcissist truly is, they don’t deserve any more of your time.
Consider this, when you were in pain, crying, dealing with health issues, job loss, or grieving the loss of a loved one, where was the narcissist? Nowhere to be found.
They kicked you when you were down, trying to erase you from their life.
Even if they try to lure you back, maybe just for a chat, remember who they really are. They’re not like you who are loving, stable, empathetic, or kind.
They’re people who discard you as soon as they get what they want. The cycle of abuse will start again, with the narcissist always the same.
You’ve already broken free from that toxic cycle.
So, why even think about going back? There’s nothing good in returning to the narcissist or that past because narcissists don’t change, they only get worse over time.
Dealing with Aging Narcissists, Understanding Their Behavior and Setting Limits
Seeing an aging narcissist isn’t pleasant, I’ve written a comprehensive articles about it, you should check out the article. These individuals worsen over time. They blame everyone but themselves, children, past partners, society, the world, their jobs, siblings, parents, and extended family.
As they get older, their narcissistic traits worsen.
Every narcissist becomes an aging narcissist if they live long enough. I mention this because you’ve broken free from their cycle. Hopefully, you’ve broken the trauma bond and realized how important it is to see through their facade, something they never wanted you to do.
So, whether they’re trying to draw you back in or suggesting, “Let’s try again” maybe you’re divorcing them and they’re suddenly being nice think about their reasons.
take a moment and reflect why they couldn’t be kind throughout your marriage, because they weren’t.
They see you as their source of support, someone who pays bills and meets their needs. They see this support fading with the divorce, which will end your connection.
It’s closing a chapter and breaking four important ties with the narcissist: emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual. Remember, cutting these ties is crucial for your well-being and peace of mind.
Reflecting on Past Behavior and Prioritizing Self-Care
What I want to emphasize, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, is that when you were together, the narcissist had many opportunities to treat you well.
Instead, they chose to gaslight you, spread rumors about you, involve others against you, copy your actions, blame you unfairly, verbally abuse you, hide your things, disappear and reappear unexpectedly, and shift blame onto you.
This behavior came from their envy and jealousy.
Now that you’ve bravely left that toxic relationship, whether you’re nearing divorce, moving away, or cutting ties with a toxic parent or someone else, it’s important to acknowledge the journey you’ve been on.
You’ve taken steps that many wouldn’t dare to take. You’ve put your well-being first by leaving.
If this sounds familiar to you, stick to your plan to break free. Set boundaries and keep the narcissist away. They might try to convince you they’ve changed or beg for another chance.
But you’ve been through this before. That’s why you’re learning about narcissistic abuse, writing in a journal, seeking healing, therapy, and reassessing your friendships and family dynamics. These steps are about taking back control of your life and surrounding yourself with positive influences.
Recognizing Manipulative Tactics and Protecting Your Boundaries
You’ve awakened and educated yourself, maybe even become empowered. You’ve realized not everyone, especially narcissists, has your best interests at heart. In the relationship, they tried to deceive you into thinking they cared, but you saw through it eventually.
Whether they left you or you left them, you came to understand they never truly benefited you, despite your efforts.
You supported them, raised them up, only to be discarded in the end.
When things go wrong for narcissists, they often try to reconnect with past sources of support. They might revive old relationships, whether romantic or not, family, friends, coworkers or anyone they can manipulate.
They believe time will heal and that eventually, you’ll forgive them or let them back into your life. But that’s not the right path.
Now, you watch your current relationships from a distance.
You’ve become a wiser empath. You no longer need to share where you are, what you’re doing, or personal details. Keep your life private and confide only in trusted people. Avoid giving narcissists any chance to return to your life.
Rejecting the Narcissist, Choosing Peace and Personal Growth
We know why we left or were pushed away, and we’re carrying those lessons forward into our lives now. Our focus is on healing and growing. The narcissist, however, isn’t interested in healing.
They’re always working to get better at manipulating others, that’s their main goal.
That’s why, even after many years, something I often hear about they might try to come back into our lives, claiming they’ve changed or have been thinking about us.
Narcissists are always watching, keeping tabs on their past sources of support, family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
They see life as a competition and always look for what they can get from others.
When we were in a relationship with them, they assessed us and took what they could. But now that we’ve cut ties and maybe encountered them trying to come back, we hope we’ve resisted their attempts to draw us back in.
We understand they don’t change, they only get worse and try to bring us down. But they didn’t succeed. Here we are, feeling indifferent, no longer holding onto feelings for the narcissist or anyone from that time in our lives.
So, remember, we won’t go back.
Stay strong, calm, centered, and true to yourself. We’ve reclaimed who we are, our clarity, and our health. We’ve become a version of ourselves we didn’t know existed before, the third version.
Now that we’re here, it’s time to celebrate our successes, acknowledge what that relationship taught us, and see it as a chapter that’s closed. We’ve processed it, healed from it, and reached this place of indifference.
Wrap it up
The narcissist is stuck in a negative cycle and can’t break free. They may briefly manipulate and exploit others, only to regress when people wise up and distance themselves.
More and more people worldwide are realizing this.
So, everyone, that’s the article. I hope it resonated with you, this is Ryan. Remember, know you’re not alone. I genuinely care for each of you. Lastly, if you face a Hoover attempt, resist engaging. If you haven’t, consider it fortunate, it’s a good sign.
Narcissists did what they did, but along the way we’ve healed or are healing. We’ve seen through their masks. They deserve nothing from us.
Live your life fully, free from toxicity, drama, and manipulation.
Set boundaries and remember, saying “NO” is powerful. It affirms your self-worth.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful.
Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!
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