Let’s discuss what comes after the aftermath of validation. Just as you see the leaves turning green around us and new life sprouting all over, that’s what you can expect after dealing with a narcissistic relationship.

As you begin to heal, everything will start feeling fresh and full of possibilities. You may not be fully healed yet, but you’re starting to feel validated by what you’ve been through in that relationship.

This validation might come from therapy, writing in a journal, meditation or pray, videos, articles, or books.

You’re learning to slow down and really understand yourself after dealing with a narcissistic relationship. Now, you’re looking for answers to questions that have come up since then.

Healing is crucial, no matter if the narcissist was a partner, family member, neighbor, coworker, business partner, or someone else in your life. Narcissists are everywhere, but the journey to heal is yours alone. Remember, narcissists don’t try to heal, they don’t look inside themselves and change. Instead, they often get worse over time.

They thrive on keeping you stuck thinking about them, hoping for change or approval. But when you finally feel validated, it’s something you may not have known you needed. Think about how much you used to share your feelings, thoughts, dreams, and everyday life during that relationship with the narcissist.

Escaping the Narcissistic Grip, Finding Validation and Breaking Free

Imagine craving beef rendang, a flavorful Indonesian dish, but the narcissist insists on something else, end of discussion. You don’t even enjoy it. That’s what being in a narcissistic relationship feels like.

You’re worn out and broken because your voice isn’t heard, your feelings aren’t respected.

Your thoughts don’t count, all that matters is the narcissist’s control over you, keeping you trapped and always working for them.

Throughout it all, they sprinkle you with abuse like making you doubt yourself, putting you down, manipulating you, and more. Their tactics never seem to end, always trying to keep you off balance.

Hopefully, you’re starting to see these tactics and understand how they create a cycle of harm.

But when validation finally comes, it’s a breakthrough. It’s not just a brief relief, it marks the start of a new chapter in your life.

No longer stuck in a toxic relationship where your value is undermined, where you’re made to feel lucky just to be with them or told you’ll never succeed. Remember, the narcissistic cycle repeats endlessly.

Understanding Narcissistic Relationship Patterns and Setting Healthy Boundaries

It all begins with the love bomb phase, that magical time when everything feels perfect and full of promise. That’s when you likely fell under their charm and believed every word they said.

Then comes the devaluation phase, starting once they think they’ve got you maybe through engagement, marriage, starting a family, moving in together, going into business, or even lending them money.

Next, there’s the discard phase, when the relationship ends. It could be you who decides to break up, or it could be them.

Every narcissistic relationship has a limit, something we now understand.

And then there’s the Hoover, where they try to pull you back in, whether it’s for a moment, a day, or even longer. Resist the Hoover, it’s just the same cycle of abuse repeating itself.

You’ve freed yourself from that relationship.

Now, if you’re learning from your experiences, finding ways to cope, having moments of clarity, and receiving validation, you shouldn’t get involved with narcissists again. With clear boundaries, you can confidently say no, the most powerful word in any language.

Finding Validation and Understanding Narcissistic Abuse

When you finally get validation, it’s a great day. You start to connect the dots together. It doesn’t happen all at once. The pieces fall into place slowly as you distance yourself from the narcissist and that toxic relationship.

You start seeing how things fit together.

For example, maybe you read an article on medium and learn about something like triangulation. Suddenly, it makes sense: “Oh, that’s what triangulation is. That’s exactly what happened to me.” Then you realize, “You are right Ryan. I’m not alone, many others have been through this too. That’s why there are articles about it.”

Now, you can put a name to what you went through, a definition that explains it.

This is a big step in healing from narcissistic abuse. It’s about taking it slow, being kind to yourself, and recognizing how close that relationship came to breaking you, but it didn’t. Here you are, rebuilding, learning, growing wiser, and gaining strength and confidence.

The Importance of Validation in Your Healing Path

Validation is crucial along your path. Triangulation, for example a tactic I really dislike involves bringing in a third person, real or imaginary, to create problems between you and the narcissist.

Being validated and heard, whether through a helpful articles or a book about someone else’s experience with a narcissist, or talking to a therapist who understands is key to healing.

It’s about finding your voice again.

When you were with the narcissist, they made you feel small and unimportant. Your thoughts didn’t matter, all that counted was what you could do for them.

For instance, if you suggested going to your favorite restaurant, they might show up late on purpose or criticize the food just to belittle your choice.

Narcissists don’t care about your happiness, they want to tear down what matters to you.

This kind of thing happens everywhere, every day. Recognizing these behaviors is vital as you work toward healing and rebuilding your self-worth.

Managing the Narcissist’s Influence on Your Choices

Imagine feeling constantly put down, ignored, and made to feel worthless by the narcissist. Eventually, even picking your favorite restaurant becomes a distant memory, you learn to keep quiet and do what they want.

For example, in your relationship, if you suggested going out to eat, you might ask, “Where should we go?” Sometimes, they’d say, “You choose tonight, We always go where I want.”

But you’ve been through this before, knowing it’s risky to suggest your favorite place.

So, you often just let them decide, saying, “You choose. I’m okay with whatever.” giving in to their control and feeling like your preferences don’t matter.

Speaking Up About What You Like

So, speaking up about where you wanted to eat was tough. If you suggested a restaurant, like I mentioned before, the narcissist might reject it. They could say the food wasn’t good, or it cost too much, or find some other problem with it.

Even if the dinner went well, you might come home to silence.

Why? Because every choice had consequences. Enjoying a meal out could lead to being ignored later.

When you finally get validation, it’s a big deal.

Think about all the hurt and mistreatment you faced. Remember the mean words thrown at you day after day. Think about how the narcissist envied you and acted like they knew everything about you, even though they didn’t.

Facing Narcissistic Devaluation

Let’s discuss your job for a moment. Imagine you’re a professional in your field, someone who’s put in a lot of effort, maybe earning a master’s degree or gaining expertise through experience, you know your stuff.

Now, think about how a narcissist treats your expertise. When they need advice, do they ask you? Not often.

They might prefer asking someone else, even if they know less than you.

This happens a lot in community.

Narcissists try to make you feel less important, they downplay your skills, education, health, time, money, and empathy.

They want to take everything from you without you noticing.

In a narcissistic relationship, the beginning is crucial. It’s when you fell for their act, thinking they cared about you.

But now, with validation and understanding of narcissism, you see through their lies. This realization is a big step forward for you.

Finding Clarity Amidst Narcissistic Confusion

You used to think narcissism was just about vanity, someone obsessed with their appearance. But it’s much more than that, being in a narcissistic relationship can make you feel like you’ve lost yourself completely.

It drains your energy and makes you question who you are and where you’re going.

When you’re stuck in these relationships, it’s like wandering aimlessly without a map.

Everything feels confusing, and you desperately want to rediscover the lively, positive person you used to be. But without understanding narcissism, it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening.

Then, something clicks maybe you start searching online for answers about your partner’s behavior or sudden anger outbursts.

You begin to educate yourself, diving deep into learning more. It’s overwhelming at first to realize you might be dealing with a narcissist in your life whether it’s your spouse, a parent, a sibling, or someone else.

Gaining Self-Validation in the Face of Narcissistic Denial

You’ll start to see that your life experiences are real. Now, there are articles, videos, books, and information that confirm what you’ve been through. When the narcissist tries to make you doubt yourself by saying, “That never happened, I remember it differently.”

You used to believe them because you didn’t know better.

But now, you can see through their tactics. You know your own value and worth, and you don’t need to waste your energy or attention on them anymore.

Let them play their games with someone else.

These are big realizations. Remember, the narcissist might try to stick around because they’re attracted to your positivity like a moth to a flame.

You’re the bright light, and they’re drawn to drain your energy. Whether they’re family, a spouse, a friend, or someone in your community, it’s important to understand these dynamics.

Taking Action Against Narcissistic Abuse

Once you learn what’s right, put it into action. If you realize you’re in a harmful relationship with a narcissist, take steps: cut off contact, block them, remove them from your life, and stay away from anyone connected to them if you can.

If that’s not possible, try the Grey Rock method. Stay quiet and don’t share personal things.

If those choices don’t work, make a plan to leave. It might take weeks, months, or even years, especially if kids are involved. But remember, where you are now won’t be where you are later.

If you see you’re in a narcissistic relationship, every moment you stay adds to your pain. Before, without knowing better, it was harder to see clearly.

Now, as you learn and get support, know many others have been through this too. You can get to a point where the narcissist doesn’t affect you anymore.

Stronger with Knowledge and Boundaries

Once, those people were part of our lives, but the narcissist tried to ruin our reputation and bring us down. They didn’t realize they were actually making us stronger. Now, with wisdom and practical tools, we’re moving forward.

When we feel validated, we no longer put up with living in tense, manipulative homes.

No more enduring slammed doors, thrown plates, or tantrums over small things like overcooked food or old arguments. These are the games narcissists play in their endless cycle, they’re the constant, not us.

We now know our own worth as strong individuals and set clear boundaries.

Our well-being is our top priority, we won’t tolerate bad behavior or participate in toxic environments or jokes.

We’ve learned to avoid negative events, with wisdom guiding us, why stay in toxic situations? It’s time to step away from those relationships.

Understanding Dreams During Healing

When you finally feel validated, it’s a big step forward. As you move away from the narcissist, you start seeing things more clearly. These moments are crucial for healing.

Now, think about dreams.

After being in a relationship with a narcissist, you might have very vivid dreams about them or people from that time, even if they weren’t directly involved.

These dreams can be so real, like scenes from a movie.

Understanding how narcissism works helps you make sense of these dreams, adding to your journey of healing.

You can’t choose what you dream about, I certainly can’t. But when these intense dreams happen, take a moment to think about what they might mean. They’re not just random dreams, each one has a message that can help you heal.

Writing Your Dreams to Heal

If you’re still dealing with a narcissist’s toxicity and finding comfort in unraveling it through dreams, I strongly suggest writing them down. I did this last year. Although I’m glad those dreams have stopped, they played a crucial role in my healing.

They helped me understand my experiences better and validate what I went through. It’s all part of the healing journey.

Before I finish, let me say this.

When a healthy relationship ends, you can usually move on without needing much healing.

You might feel sad for a short time, shed some tears, and then gradually move forward within a few days or weeks, that’s normal.

But after ending a toxic, narcissistic relationship that lasted a while, healing becomes essential. You’ll have many questions left unanswered because narcissists rarely provide closure, they just move on to their next target without looking back.

Finding Your Support and Validation

You need to delve deep into your emotions. There will be tears, maybe changes in your body. It’s all about focusing on yourself and slowing down your life.

That’s the journey, that’s what’s important.

As you move forward, whether with or without the narcissist, you’ll find validation. People will come into your life who understand what you’ve been through, those who know about narcissism.

We have a different perspective because we’ve faced something most people haven’t: dealing with a narcissist, learning, and applying what we’ve learned.

That’s what you’re doing now, and what I’ve done too.

For those who’ve been through similar experiences, there’s an unspoken connection. They can look at you and just know, “Hey, I’ve been there too.”

It’s a skill in itself.

My hope is that you’re gaining this understanding or already have it.

Ideally, you haven’t faced a narcissistic relationship, but if you have (and chances are you have, since you’re here), the path forward is clear: to finally receive the validation you never got from the narcissist, to heal at your own pace, and to heal completely.

Wrap it up

Remember, there’s no instant fix to recover from a narcissistic relationship. It’s like going through a long tunnel, you have to journey through it. During this time, prepare for tough days and nights, including the darkest moment of our life, a difficult phase I’ve experienced firsthand.

If you’ve been through this, know it serves a purpose: healing.

It means setting aside your ego, slowing down, and realizing your old beliefs were wrong. This new you is stronger and transformed.

Now, you’re living life on your own terms.

You’ve let go of old beliefs and undergone a big change, seeing the world in a whole new way after healing from a narcissistic relationship. This is Ryan signing off. Remember, true change begins with a spark. I care for each and every one of you.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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