Control is very important to them. When you were in the relationship, you didn’t know this because you thought it was a kind, loving, and stable relationship.

When you met the narcissist, they took control right away. They decided who you hung out with, what you did, and even what clothes you wore. They ran everything in the relationship.

And because of that, you lost yourself. You wanted to feel that initial excitement again, thinking everything was perfect.

But let’s be honest, the narcissist isn’t what they seem.

They promise a lot but don’t follow through. They trick and trap you to keep you stuck. They controlled every part of your life.

Think about the things you gave up and the dreams you had to delay, all to make them happy. It’s a cycle of manipulation that pulls you down.

Understanding Narcissists, Seeing Through Their Games

Trying to deal with a narcissist is like walking alone on a confusing path meant only for you. They deceive many people like us with their lies and manipulation.

It’s shocking to realize they never really cared about us, they’re just empty inside.

Narcissists look for kind, caring people who don’t value themselves much. They like to confuse and hurt their victims, making them feel like they’re on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster.

They take control of every part of their victim’s life, keeping different groups of people apart to protect their lies.

They isolate their victims to hide their true selves, afraid someone might see through their act. Behind their charming exterior is just emptiness.

They lie and break promises, leaving their victims lost and hurt. It’s a tricky game they play, leaving people feeling lost and alone.

Establishing Limits with Narcissistic Relatives

When people realize that a narcissist is just someone who wants to control others, they often decide to distance themselves from them. For example, if you grew up in a family where some members were narcissistic, you might have experienced them treating you badly despite your efforts to keep the family together.

As you faced life’s challenges and didn’t receive support in return, you realized that the family bonds were one-sided.

It’s tough to accept, but it happens to many people. The hope is that this realization leads to cutting ties with toxic family members, though it’s hard, especially when it’s immediate family.

Not everyone can completely cut off contact, but strategies like the “Grey Rock” method can help reduce emotional involvement.

You can still attend family events, but don’t expect things to change suddenly. If they haven’t changed yet, they probably won’t anytime soon.

Recognizing Narcissistic Control Tactics

During the holidays, a narcissistic parent might invite you over, not because they care, but to criticize your choices. They’ll find fault whether you’re single, married, have kids, or not.

Their goal is to make you feel bad and doubt yourself.

They’ll make fun of you, but it’s not really a joke. They want to make you feel small and unimportant, ignoring all the good things you’ve done.

In these relationships, the narcissist often puts you down, saying it’s just for fun.

But you know it’s not funny. They want to make you feel bad about yourself and make you doubt everything you’ve achieved, like your job or your friends.

Before the narcissist came along, you probably had good relationships. But they saw those people as threats and pushed them away, leaving you alone.

The Desire for Isolation and Manipulation

The narcissist wants to control everything, including who you spend time with and where you go. They manipulate people, making sure no one sees their true self.

They want everyone to think they’re perfect.

They’ll always criticize you, no matter how well you’re doing. They’ll ruin anything good in your life.

They keep looking for new people to use, discarding them when they’re done. They think the next person will be even better.

Finding Freedom and Feeling Powerful

If you’ve been through a narcissistic relationship, whether you were dumped or ended it yourself, I feel for you. It’s tough, but you’re healing now.

You realize you had to go through it, but now you’re in charge.

You can block the narcissist and slow down your life. You can do whatever you want because, hopefully, the narcissist is out of your life.

Now you have boundaries. You know you’re important. When you were with the narcissist, you lost yourself. They controlled you.

Remember all those nights waiting for their call? You were always there for them. But now, you’re taking control back.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Influence

Being in that relationship felt like a job you never wanted. Dealing with the narcissist’s mood swings and manipulation was like handling a stubborn child. It was confusing and overwhelming.

Then, you found information about narcissistic abuse online, and it all clicked.

Before the narcissist, life was good. You had friends, health, money, and hobbies.

But meeting them changed everything.

Your health suffered, money disappeared, and your friends vanished. You might have even moved far from loved ones at their demand.

The narcissist controlled everything, draining your energy and time. But now, after healing and breaking free, things are different.

You’re in charge again. You decide when to check your phone and who to talk to. No longer under their control, you’re free to live your life your way, taking back your independence.

Being in Charge of Your Life

When you realize that cutting off contact is the best choice, you take back control of your life. You can take things slow and focus on healing or doing what you love.

That relationship might have knocked you down, but now you’re here, recognizing your own value, something the narcissist never acknowledged.

Think about it how often did the narcissist say sorry? Probably hardly ever, unless you forced them to.

They decided when to feel bad. Usually, they’d make you feel guilty for their mistakes. They wanted to keep you under their control, not shining brightly like you can.

This is just one way they manipulate. They won’t admit they’re wrong, they want you to take the blame.

It’s what they’ve always done, and it’s what they’ll keep doing, no matter where they are. They need to control everything.

Reclaiming Power and Control

I wrote about this in an article yesterday, and I’ll mention it again: sometimes, a narcissist will brag, “I can easily get any of my exes back; they’ll always come back to me.” Why do they say that? Well, partly because they’re arrogant and self-centered, they’re narcissists after all.

Another reason might be that their exes are still trapped in the toxic cycle or haven’t realized they’re in a harmful bond yet.

They might not have the strength to break off contact with the narcissist, that’s how the narcissist controls and drains people’s lives and energy. But once you leave a narcissistic relationship and heal, who’s in charge? You are.

You decide how to use your energy, whether to check your phone, and whether to respond to messages.

Before, the narcissist controlled everything, including how often you checked your phone and how quickly you responded to their demands.

Once you realize that cutting off contact is the best option, you take back control of your life. You can slow down and pursue your interests without interference.

That relationship might have knocked you down, but now you’re standing strong, recognizing your own worth and value and that’s something the narcissist would never acknowledge.

Finding Freedom, Breaking Away from the Narcissist

If a narcissist ever said that to you, it means they’re still keeping track of their exes, knowing what’s going on with them, or still in touch. You thought you knew them, but you were wrong.

You got into a relationship unprepared, not even knowing it was happening a relationship where manipulation and control ruled.

Nothing was ever good enough for the narcissist. They constantly seek validation from others, but it’s like pouring water into a leaky cup, it never fills up.

Always looking for new people to control and manipulate, the narcissist is like a hunter searching for prey.

Before you learned about narcissism, control probably meant something simple, like using a TV remote or console game controller.

The idea of controlling someone’s life likely never crossed your mind because you’re stable and healthy.

But for the narcissist, control is everything. They’re shallow and empty, needing to control others to feel good about themselves.

That’s why they draw people in at the beginning of a relationship and then keep them in a state of devaluation. The cycle goes on and on, but you don’t have to be part of it.

Once you understand your value, you deserve better. Cut ties with the narcissist and let them fade away. You deserve to move forward, free from their influence.

Wrap it up

Think about what the narcissist wants most: CONTROL. They want to control every part of every relationship they’re in, whether it’s with family, friends, or colleagues.

But when you cut them off, you take back your power.

You’re breaking free from their toxicity, living without their influence, and finally moving towards the life you deserve.

A quick tip: if the narcissist blocks you, block them back. If you don’t, they can still come back into your life whenever they want.

Never trust a narcissist because they can only get worse over time. Don’t believe their lies or let them manipulate you.

Remember: if the narcissist blocks you, block them back on every platform. Otherwise, they’ll find a way to return.

That’s it for the article. This is Ryan signing off. Remember, you’re not alone.

We don’t try to control others, we live freely for our own happiness. Don’t let a narcissist hold you back.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

Now I am posting here on Medium only on Fridays and Saturdays.

Join me on Substack: https://ryanhwa.substack.com/

I post daily on Substack, starting with articles and audio podcasts. (Coming soon for audio podcast)

Or you can visit my website for free access: https://ryanhwa.com/

Feel free to highlight and comment on the parts of the article that resonated with you the most.