In a relationship with a narcissist, they often said things with hidden meanings. For instance, when they said “I love you,” it might not have meant what you thought. Let’s uncover what their words truly meant.

We now know narcissists can’t genuinely love. But you can, and that’s a wonderful quality. When you told a narcissist you loved them, here’s what they thought: “I’ve succeeded. I’ve made this person fall for me. It only took a few months, maybe half a year, but my skills at manipulation are improving. I’m getting better at creating a bond and clouding people in confusion. They say they love me, but I can’t love them back. That’s okay because now I can start getting what I need from them.”

If you’ve been in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, this might sound familiar.

When you expressed love to them, they saw it as a win. They stay in control until the relationship ends, until you heal, until you realize you were with someone toxic.

Deceptive Love and Manipulative Commitments

When a narcissist said they loved you, it was part of their plan. They wanted you to fall for them so they could control you. They’d keep saying “I love you” to maintain their hold, especially before major commitments like marriage, moving in together, starting a business, or supporting them through everything.

They’d keep up this act until they got what they wanted or until you were deeply entangled in their manipulations.

Another example is when they proposed. For them, marriage meant you’d be a reliable source of support a partner who would tolerate their behavior and possibly didn’t recognize their narcissism.

You might have been caring and trusting, believing in their facade and committed to the relationship.

But it was all a facade. Whether they wrote vows or not, narcissists didn’t mean the promises they made. Marriage to them was a license to mistreat you in private and maybe even in public, all while pretending to have a perfect relationship to others, which might make people jealous or envious.

Manipulative Deception and Hidden Agendas

When you made your vows, you meant them sincerely. But for the narcissist, it was about finding someone to support them for a period whether that was a few years or even decades. That was their mindset when they married you.

Consider another situation when they told you, “I’ll be late, go ahead and eat without me. I’ll be stuck at the office for a couple of hours.” what did they really mean? Knowing about narcissism now, it’s unlikely they were genuinely working late night after night, week after week, maybe even for years beyond their usual hours.

This kind of behavior often raises serious concerns.

Understanding narcissism suggests they were probably grooming a new person for attention, possibly meeting them at restaurants or hotels. They weren’t spending that time with you.

When they said they’d be late, it was often a way though not always obvious to show they still had control over you, keeping you trapped in their manipulative world. Meanwhile, they were already focusing on someone new, using the same tactics they once used with you. You were left at home, wondering, while they pursued someone else.

Deceptive Tactics in Narcissistic Relationships

When I came home after spending some hours grooming someone new, you might ask, “Where were you? Why were you late?” I’d usually deflect with, “Let’s have dinner,” or “Want to watch Movies or Anime Series?” or just dismiss it with, “It’s no big deal, I’m here now, let’s forget it.”

These responses were meant to distract you from figuring out who I was with and what I was doing.

In a narcissistic relationship, everything is confusing and deceptive, like living in a world where everything is backwards.

There’s never honest, stable communication with a narcissist.

Even during the lovey-dovey beginning of our relationship, my words weren’t sincere or steady, they were fake. I told you what you wanted to hear: that I cared, that I was falling for you, that we had a future.

It was easy for me because I’ve done it before.

You were just the next person, the new supply, who could give me what I wanted.

Another example is when I suggested opening a joint bank account where we’d both deposit money each month.

But it didn’t last. You soon realized I was taking out more money than I put in, with excuses like flat tires, online courses, or family emergencies. You ignored your gut feeling and kept putting money in, only to see it disappear.

Explaining Gaslighting and Deception

One day, you might have confronted them, saying, “We agreed on this two years ago. You haven’t put any money into the account since then. What’s going on?” They would reply, “I don’t remember agreeing to that. You said you earn more, so you can support us while I send money to my mom and sister.” You’d scratch your head, thinking, “That’s not how I remember it.”

But since nothing was written down, you had two choices: confront them, which you probably didn’t do, or keep putting money in, even though it disappeared or was saved for when they left you.

Narcissists often say things with different meanings. For example, during a night out, they might flirt with somebody else, giving them more attention, batting eyelashes, and blushing, ignoring you completely.

If you asked, “Why are you flirting when it’s supposed to be our peaceful evening?” They would deny it, call you insecure, and accuse you of ruining the night.

What they really meant was they wanted to spoil the evening from the start. They would involve others without your knowing, leading to an argument that ruined everything. Later, they might say they needed alone time, taking off for a drive and refusing contact, leaving you to handle the fallout.

Revealing Narcissistic Manipulation

What were they really up to? They were moving on to someone new they had been preparing. They purposely ruined your romantic dinner by flirting with others. When you confronted them, they likely ignored you on the way home.

Then, at home, they’d say they needed space and left to be alone. What did they do next? They went straight to the new person’s place nearby, acting happy as if everything was perfect, whether you saw it or not.

Back then, you didn’t know what you know now.

Once you see it, you can’t forget it. Now, you can spot the signs of a narcissist. If you still have old texts from them, you might look back at them carefully. Did they use all caps? Did they call you by name? What time did they message, early morning or late at night?

There are many layers to uncover in the narcissistic cycle once you step away and clarity returns. You realize their words meant something entirely different.

The same goes if you were discarded.

My empathy is with you. Even if you ended it yourself, I still empathize because any time in a narcissistic relationship is too long.

If the relationship ended, the narcissist may have said hurtful things like, “No one will love you again. You need help. See a therapist.” Those words were meant to hurt and control you, not reflect reality.

Deceptive Tactics of Narcissists

Their real aim is to hurt you deeply. When they talk about love, they know it’s not genuine. They’re aware that most people can see through their facade and wouldn’t stay if they weren’t under their spell. Their goal is to keep you feeling down and negative, where they can control you.

They don’t want you to heal, find happiness, or discover your true potential.

That’s why they say hurtful things like, “No one’s dying here.” They want to make you doubt yourself and believe things are worse than they are. It’s a tactic to keep you upset and under their influence. They want to hurt you as much as possible while they move on to their next victim.

When narcissists speak, there’s a lot to understand.

For example, when they try to “Hoover” you back into their life, don’t fall for it. Cutting off contact like blocking them, deleting them, and avoiding anyone connected to them is crucial.

Also, avoid checking their social media. It’s all fake, designed to trick others who haven’t seen their true nature. It won’t help you move forward or understand, they just want to cause more pain.

Beware of Narcissistic “Hoovering”

Let’s focus again. If the relationship ended, narcissists wouldn’t give you closure. Instead, they’d disappear to someone new, leaving a door open for a possible return. Sometimes they might try to “Hoover” you, though not everyone gets this.

If it happens to you, don’t fall for it.

When they Hoover, they might say they miss you, they’ve changed, or you’re their soulmate. But that’s not true. What they’re really saying is they doubt you can break free from their grip.

They want to draw you back into the relationship, even briefly, to make you pay for reopening that door.

Take every word they say with a lot of skepticism, like questioning every star in the sky or inspecting every grain of sand on a beach. Narcissists will say anything to keep you trapped and under their control.

They’ll do anything to stop you from healing or finding your real purpose.

When they planted doubts, like when you were buying something for yourself, they weren’t looking out for you. They likely manipulated your choices to fit their needs, something you didn’t realize then because of their narcissistic behavior.

Manipulative Tactics in Decision-Making

What happens in this scenario? First, they might compare you to a friend, making you feel like you have to compete for their attention. Then, they could say things like, “That option isn’t the best” or “It’s not really your style, maybe you should consider something else.” They manipulate the situation to make you doubt your choice.

Before you realize it, you’ve gone along with their preference.

Now they’re enjoying it, and you’re left wondering why you didn’t stick with what you truly wanted, they influenced your decision.

They kept you trapped and controlled, doing whatever it took to change your mind so you’d choose what they wanted instead of what you preferred.

This is typical narcissistic behavior: They promise you everything but offer nothing in return. They took the best from you and left you with nothing.

That’s why healing from a narcissistic relationship is so important, you can’t just ignore it and move on.

There’s no instant fix, it takes time and effort to heal. That’s why I recommend writing, meditating, praying, learning, and addressing childhood wounds. Slow down, protect yourself, and set strong boundaries to recover and grow.

Understanding Narcissistic Manipulation

You should manage yourself on social media and dating apps. Don’t even look at the their profile. Avoid anything that keeps you connected to them. You should be getting away from them, not sticking around. That’s what you need to do.

All these points I’m making lead to one truth: the narcissist never cared about you. That’s why blocking them is the best choice.

But let’s look at what the narcissist really meant when they said certain things. There are many examples of this. For instance, when they told you your friends and family didn’t like you, what they were really trying to do was isolate you from your support system.

Your family and friends care about you a lot, but the narcissist wanted to weaken those relationships.

Here’s another example when they suggested moving far away to a new place for a fresh start, what they were actually saying is they wanted to isolate you even more. They wanted to take you away from everything familiar like your job, neighborhood, and loved ones to make you rely only on them.

Let’s understanding Narcissistic Behavior

Once they cut you off from your family, friends, and support network, narcissists feel empowered to mistreat you however they want. They use lies to control you, then discard you once they’ve used you.

This is when the abuse like verbal, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual gets worse.

Narcissists are always looking for something new and exciting, avoiding responsibility and personal growth. They hide their past destructive relationships and move on to new victims, taking whatever they can.

Before I wrap it, let’s talk about the new supply.

They usually fit into three categories:

1.) toxic people themselves,

2.) past sources of supply who haven’t healed from the narcissistic abuse, or

3.) completely new to the narcissist’s manipulative tactics and unaware of what’s ahead in the relationship.

That’s who the new supply usually is.

Wrap it up

Alright, everyone, that’s the article. I’m Ryan. True change begins with a spark. I deeply care about each of you.

Remember, when narcissists talk, their words often hide their true intentions. For example, when they say they love you, it’s usually a tactic to keep you trapped.

They are very good at lying.

Don’t trust what they say blindly. Narcissists hardly ever change, they keep using people as they go through life.

Whether they target people who trust them or repeat the same bad relationships, it’s important to get away from them quickly. That’s why cutting off contact is so important.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

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