If you’ve been discarded by a narcissist, I understand your pain. Did the end of your relationship surprise you? It probably did. Meanwhile, the narcissist already found someone new to focus on.

Let’s talk about this new person briefly.

They could be toxic themselves, someone who’s been in a similar situation before and can’t break free, or they might be completely new to dealing with manipulative people.

Remember, you were once like them and you didn’t know either. But now, you’ve learned how crucial it is to get away from harmful relationships.

But what if, while the narcissist was grooming this new person, they turned out to be toxic too?

The narcissist’s plan would blow up in their face. They’d find themselves outsmarted by someone just as clever or experienced in manipulation. It’s a case of the narcissist thinking they’re better than they really are, always looking for something better.

They’re starting to realize that things aren’t always better elsewhere, especially if you’re someone who’s kind, caring, and sure of who you are, a rare find. And for those who doubt empathy exists, think about where there’s narcissism, there’s empathy. It’s a basic truth that holds no matter how many times you think about it.

Narcissists Deceived by Fake Wealth Status and Love

Imagine the narcissist believed you were going to inherit a lot of money or had valuable assets. They showered you with love, thinking they were entering a profitable relationship. But when they realized there was no money or big inheritance, they were shocked.

They had assumed wrong because they didn’t ask the right questions.

Their response? Confusion and frustration.

They had spent so much time chasing what they thought was a jackpot, only to find out it wasn’t real. This happens more often than you might think.

Narcissists don’t always leave to live happily ever after. Instead, they often fade away, looking for new people to manipulate and exploit in their next relationship.

Recognizing Narcissistic Intentions and Reclaiming Your Worth

They look for people who are vulnerable, who don’t know their worth, who don’t know about narcissism, and who believe in their act. Maybe that used to be you, but now you see through it. You’re using new tools and getting wiser.

You’ve learned that cutting off contact and removing these people from your life is the best way forward.

You know that your energy is valuable, your time is precious, and even though your resources were drained, you are rebuilding or have already rebuilt.

That’s why I always emphasize the importance of understanding what the narcissist really wanted from you. (It might seem repetitive, which is possibly why Medium’s staff and team recently decided to kick me out of the program. Anyway, they accused me of many things, so let it be. I will continue doing my best here to share with you, to heal, and to help you understand more about narcissism and its effects on our lives.)

They didn’t want to grow old with you peacefully, raise kids together happily, or enjoy romantic vacations and dinners. Even if you thought that’s what it was going to be, it wasn’t their plan.

Narcissists Pretend to Be Perfect but Struggle Behind the Scenes

Narcissists see you as someone they can use because you were vulnerable and didn’t know about narcissism. But when their plans go wrong, and trust me, it happens a lot. They hide it behind a fake image, they want everyone to think their life is perfect, smooth sailing without any problems, living the best life.

But the truth is different.

For example, when a narcissist’s phone battery dies or they forget to pay a bill, they struggle.

They might need someone else to help them out because they’re too lazy or don’t know how to handle it themselves. They might not even know how to write a check or use someone else’s credit card to pay their bills.

How Narcissists Manipulate and Recognizing Patterns

Narcissists rely on others to do things for them. They skillfully deceive, trap, and manipulate people. But things change when you see through their false front, have that “a-ha” moment, and realize their plans often fail without you noticing.

Imagine the narcissist had you under their control, taking everything they could during a phase of devaluing you.

Then, they start comparing you unfavorably with others maybe with stranger, friends, on a plane, at a party, or even on your own birthday, and you start feeling something’s not right.

You begin to notice this pattern repeating.

Maybe you searched online, typing something like “my partner paying more attention to others than me.” And suddenly you come across terms like narcissism or triangulation, which are common tactics these individuals use, and this can be quite distressing.

Realizing Betrayal and Emotional Abandonment

But when that happened, it go wrong because they were crossing the line with you, pushing the limits of abuse. They didn’t realize you were smart, strong, and had the determination to uncover the truth, like finding a needle in a haystack.

If this sounds familiar, you know what I mean.

Then you realized, “Oh my goodness Ryan, this person I loved doesn’t truly love me back. Here I am in this relationship, married for X number of years, maybe raising kids, providing a home, or supporting their business, but I’m being strung along. I’m not being treated right.”

The narcissist is often away, maybe traveling for work or attending seminars, but they’re not fully present with me.

You start wondering why they spend so much time away. Then at their work or somewhere else, you notice someone unfamiliar, or sometimes they introduce someone to you to avoid suspicion, who gets a little too close to your spouse.

Then you notice, they work in the same place or field, and now they’re spending too much time together. I hope you understand what I’m saying.

But when that happened, that’s probably when you stood up for yourself.

You set a boundary and said, “That’s enough. I can’t take this anymore.” The very next day, you might have ended the relationship or started planning to leave. (This is what I do, and I believe some of you may do the same.)

Or maybe the narcissist was going to end things with you, but you caught on and confronted them. So they had to hurry up and find someone new, grooming them quickly to replace you while you either left or they pushed you away.

Understanding How Narcissists Act and Regaining Your Self-Worth

I’m sharing these examples with you, and they’re happening everywhere as I write this article on this rainy day in my place. You might be reading or listening it before bed, with your morning coffee, on a plane, during a lunch break at work, or even at the beach, but you’re listening to this article.

You’re realizing that you are the priority, always coming first, while the narcissist is less important now.

When you truly understand what these people do, they often dominate conversations, bend rules to suit themselves, and gather supporters who enable their behavior.

They have others relying on them financially for housing, education, and more, using this control to cause harm. They want to take away people’s identities, discourage them from thinking independently, and destroy their self-confidence.

Understanding How Narcissists Manipulate and Fail in Their Plans

Narcissists collect people. They gather relationships, break hearts, take money, and consume time. They roam through life, trying to improve their manipulation skills.

They’re always chasing more, never satisfied.

Remember when you were in that relationship, giving endlessly. You tried to heal the emotional wounds caused by the narcissist. It felt like dealing with endless problems like being hurt over and over.

Every time you fixed one issue, more appeared.

It was like playing whack-a-mole solving one problem only led to more. The narcissist creates this cycle intentionally.

Despite this, there are many times when the narcissist’s plans fail. They often overthink their tactics, believing they can win back exes, reconnect with estranged children, or rely on family for support, but it doesn’t always work out.

Dealing with a Long Fight, Divorcing or Breaking up with a Narcissist

Think about divorcing or breaking up with a narcissist, focusing here on marriage. If you’ve been through it, you know what I mean. If you’re in the process, you understand. And if you’re about to start, pay attention. When you break up or divorce with a narcissist, it often takes longer than expected.

Your lawyer might set a timeline, but the narcissist usually drags it out.

They don’t care about legal costs or providing the necessary documents. They break rules and try to manipulate everyone involved acting as their own lawyer, trying to influence the judge, and even manipulating you and your children.

They want to take your things and disrupt your life.

The reason I’m mentioning this is that narcissists don’t see how using common sense could help them. If they did, they could make fair agreements with those divorcing them and settle things calmly.

Legal Battles with Narcissists, Demands and Manipulation

Often, when someone tries to divorce a narcissist, they may be willing to give up more to break free. But the narcissist usually refuses and demands more than is fair. They want everything and try to take as much as possible. Sometimes, they manipulate the legal system to drag out court proceedings until authorities step in.

Eventually, their lawyers and the court notice these delays and question their intentions.

While you’ve been honest and provided all necessary information, the narcissist acts the opposite. Thankfully, some observant people see through their manipulation.

They notice one person trying to get free by offering more, while the narcissist insists on taking everything.

This tactic often fails for the narcissist in court, though not always. They think they’re smarter than the lawyers and judges, but sometimes they push too far and end up with less custody, money, or property than they hoped for, far less than what was on the table initially.

Consequences of Narcissistic Overreach, Unpredictable Living Situations

And where do they end up now? They might move into their parents’ basement, crash in a friend’s rented room they can’t afford, live out of a car, or find somewhere else to stay. These are the outcomes when narcissists push too far and things go wrong for them.

They always believe everything will work out perfectly, but reality often doesn’t match their expectations.

They stick to a plan that never fails in their minds, but in reality, their lives often take unexpected turns. When you were with them, you might have noticed odd behaviors like mumbling to themselves.

Sometimes, they’d insist on leaving the house, claiming they needed to buy something for themselves the next day, even when it was a Saturday or Sunday with plenty of groceries and no work on the weekend. They’d leave and return hours later, making you wonder if the store was even open.

“Oh no, I drove all over town but couldn’t find anything I need.” they say. And you’re left thinking, “Wait, it’s 11:00 PM or midnight. what’s going on?” Now you can see the pattern, but back then, it was confusing.

Who goes out for something needed the next day at such late hours? Nobody except the narcissist, always restless, needing distraction, playing texting games, emojis, and waiting for attention.

This is their world.

That’s why narcissists often have multiple devices like many phones, scrolling through social media and dating apps, seeking attention and validation.

It’s not just about romance, they need attention from pets, vacations, money, your problems, health issues, inheritance, friends, hobbies, religion, anywhere they can get it.

That’s why going no contact is crucial.

Block them from your social media, cut off their access to your life and connections.

Let me emphasize again, as I’ve said in recent articles, You were the best thing they ever had, and they know it, and now you know it too. Your job now is to go no contact and let them fade away, because their free ride is over.

Their life will unravel. This isn’t a threat, it’s reality.

When people use, manipulate, and hurt others, eventually it catches up with them. When exactly? I can’t say. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, or years from now. But it will catch up, in this life or the next.

Moving On, Healing, and Personal Growth

But what I do know is there will be consequences for their actions, and it won’t be you seeking revenge, by the way. Understanding this, living your best life, moving towards not caring about the narcissist or anyone from that time, that’s the goal.

And I hope you’ve reached or are working towards that point, because there’s plenty of room for everyone who isn’t toxic.

I stand with many others, ready to help you get to that place.

Because waiting for the narcissist’s life to fall apart or wishing them harm will never help you.

It means they’re still occupying your thoughts and energy. It shows there’s more healing needed, because your life journey is yours alone. Yes, the narcissist was part of your life for a while, but you must learn from that experience without dwelling on it or hoping for their downfall.

Just know, their life is heading downhill. They won’t get better, only worse, as they get older.

But your path is different. You are a bright light, the energy source the narcissist once tried to control. They might have had some success for a while, but now you’re healed or healing, understanding the likely chaos in their life since your relationship ended.

Understanding Narcissistic Dependence and Manipulation

Their life has probably had many ups and downs, maybe you know some details. I hope you don’t, but if you do, remember that your life is on the rise, like a stock soaring to new heights.

That’s your path.

The narcissist, on the other hand, isn’t even a minor player, they rely on others for everything.

As I mentioned earlier, they depend on people for housing, bills, money for gas, cars, raising children, and education. Essentially, they depend on others, and they’re fully aware of it.

Their tactic is to manipulate unsuspecting people into doing their work because they’re too lazy to do it themselves.

At their core, narcissists are often seen as lacking courage and tend to act as bullies, revealing a shallow nature. When you first meet them, before you understand their pattern of abuse, they appear charming, friendly, and impressive.

But underneath, they’re just using others, fully aware of their true nature.

They can’t escape the darkness in their minds or the skeletons from their past. They can never undo the pain they’ve caused, whether it’s verbal, mental, emotional, physical, financial, or even spiritual abuse.

Once you’ve seen their true colors, you can’t forget them. But what you can do is cut off contact and realize that the narcissist’s big plans often fail because they always push too far.

Wrap it up

And that’s the end of the article. This is Ryan, true change begins with a spark. Remember, the narcissist’s plans go off track and they don’t happen as they expect.

They won’t admit this.

Instead, they might play the victim or talk about their tough past to trap others in their schemes.

That’s how they operate.

So, the main point here is understanding that narcissists are hard to change. (I’m not saying they are impossible to change.) I want to clarify this because I’ve often said they can’t change or will never change. I just don’t want you to misunderstand, who am I to judge anyway?

They’re just stuck in cycles of pain, abuse, and manipulation.

They tried to trap you in that cycle, but you’ve broken free. That’s why it’s important to know: you are a bright, beautiful soul.

Because why? Because, you’re an amazing person.

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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