Their past actions come back to haunt them sooner or later, it’s bound to happen. The narcissist moves through life like a wrecking ball in a serene garden.

Their goal is to cause harm like manipulating, deceiving, creating chaos, and ruining lives without feeling sorry. Some may argue, “Ryan, you’re being harsh.” No, I’m not. If you’ve crossed paths a narcissist in your family, engagement, marriage, or other relationships you know exactly what I’m talking about now.

If you consider yourself a narcissist or have been diagnosed as such and are reading my articles, I want to clarify that this is not about you.

This is about those who constantly compete with others in their lives, believing they are smarter, stronger, and better than everyone else.

They lack self-awareness, never apologize or admit when they’re wrong, and only know how to copy others or steal someone’s ideas. They then block the source profiles, thinking we won’t find out, but eventually, we do.

Of course, I would be happy if you could start to share your own story, share your authentic experiences, and research independently. Your authenticity may attract more attention from those who need it. Here in our community in Medium, we learn and grow stronger together, free from the influence of narcissists in our lives.

Building on Personal Growth Through Narcissistic Experiences

Before I start today’s topic, I remember someone who visited my website and asked a question that I hope you, Dear Yvonne, are reading now. She said, “I read your articles on narcissism. They are very accurate. I’m curious, how did you learn so much? Did you take a course or is it from personal experience?”

Let me clarify. I haven’t taken a course specifically on narcissism, but I’ve been writing content for websites professionally for many years. I’ve also taken courses in building web pages and creating content on platforms like Facebook to improve my skills as a content creator.

Even before that, I was deeply involved in music from a young age.

However, I had to stop pursuing music due to significant reasons, someone in my past didn’t want me to become a singer.

Now I am free, I plan to return to music as a hobby because it’s something I love.

Currently, I find great joy in helping others by sharing my experiences and knowledge on this wonderful Medium platform. I believe Medium is an excellent place for aspiring writers to start their journey.

My understanding of narcissism grew from personal experiences that pushed me to learn and understand what I went through.

For a long time, I didn’t realize the person I loved wasn’t who they seemed, despite what others saw.

Eventually, I woke up to the reality of narcissistic behaviors: the cycle of being discarded, how easily they move on, projecting, their need for control, smear campaigns, gaslighting, name-calling, and other tactics such as hoovering, and stalking, I’ve personally experienced them all.

I’ve faced a dark phase in my life, such as when someone I deeply cared about pushed me towards thoughts of ending my life. I honestly don’t want to discuss it here, but yes, I have experienced this. If I were to recount her exact words, it would be harsh.

I’ve had two serious relationships in my life: one when I married young at 21, which was 11 years ago, and we had a daughter. This has been difficult for me because even now, my daughter dislikes and hates me, thinking I abandoned her and believes I’m the bad one.

We divorced when she was a toddler, so if you understand why she thinks that way, you know what I know. But for now, I’ve been doing my best with all my love and strength to repair and improve my relationship with my daughter after the damage that was done.

The other relationship was after my divorce, when I felt vulnerable.

I once thought this person was my soulmate who would save my life, but it turned out to be a great lesson I’ll never forget. However, out of respect, I won’t mention their name.

Creating this content isn’t about revenge or malice toward them. It’s about supporting others who’ve gone through similar experiences. I understand the loneliness of being discarded during tough times, like when dealing with debt or a sick family member, or losing friendships.

It’s hard pretending everything’s okay when no one else understands your reality.

Over the years, I’ve studied and gathered information from trusted sources online to validate my experiences, like many others. My goal isn’t to blame anyone but to help people like me break free from the fog of narcissistic abuse, reclaim their lives, rediscover their purpose, and find happiness again.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Manipulative Cycle

Nothing makes a narcissist happier than your pain. They love keeping you confused and making you give them more chances. But don’t worry, their past will haunts them back. Every day, they think about the lives they’ve ruined, the relationships they’ve destroyed, and the people they’ve hurt.

They tell themselves, “I’m good at this. But I’ve ruined lives. What should I do? Oh, I know. I’ll pretend the past never happened and find someone new to use.”

Narcissists are always looking for their next target, someone to boost their ego. At one point, that person was you. You didn’t know about narcissism, so you couldn’t see what was happening.

That’s why I often say to be kind and patient with yourself.

You didn’t know then what you know now. You’re getting wiser, more aware, and stronger. You understand that the narcissistic relationship almost broke you, but it didn’t.

The narcissist will eventually face the consequences of their actions.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually, things will even out. You might wish for the narcissist to get their payback, but that’s not our focus here. We take the high road, do the right thing, and let the consequences happen naturally.

Finding Peace After a Narcissistic Relationship

We were in a relationship with someone we didn’t even realize was a narcissist. Every day, they abused us, dragging us into a mess of manipulation and destruction. We fought hard to escape, whether we were discarded or left on our own terms.

Now, we’re no longer in that toxic relationship.

So, what do we do now? First, ignore the smear campaign. The narcissist wants to pull you into the mud, making you defend yourself and waste your energy on their lies.

People will believe what they want.

Often, the narcissist has enablers or “flying monkeys” who believe everything they say. These people have been influenced by the narcissist for years, and you weren’t aware of it.

But the smear campaign was happening, and it probably still is. Let it go. Don’t get dragged into the mud with the narcissist, it won’t help you.

Don’t seek revenge, let the narcissist move on to their new person.

I know it’s hard, especially if your relationship ended recently. You might still be thinking about them, caught up in memories and trauma.

I understand, I was once there too, but I healed. And if I can heal, so can you. A crucial part of healing is going no contact: block them, delete them, and remove all their enablers and anyone associated with them from your life.

Redirecting Focus to Self-Healing

If you can’t block them today, I understand. Try using the Grey Rock method: be boring and uninteresting to them, but protect yourself. Avoid checking their social media or spying on them with fake accounts.

Don’t seek revenge or payback, they will face consequences eventually.

Many people eagerly wait to hear about the narcissist’s downfall, but that’s not the right mindset. It’s better to realize the narcissist is doing their own thing elsewhere, and if it doesn’t involve you, that’s a good thing.

I wish narcissism didn’t exist, and I work hard every day to spread awareness through my articles.

I hope you’re getting stronger, focusing on your own well-being, and understanding that dwelling on the narcissist’s problems won’t help you heal. Your energy should be on yourself, not wasted on hoping for their downfall.

They will face the consequences of their actions, even if you don’t witness it.

Remember, the narcissist’s new partner could be toxic like them, still stuck in a trauma bond and unaware, or completely new and unaware of narcissism.

At one time, you were in their shoes, too. We’re not just something to be used and discarded like supplies from a store. We are beautiful, bright lights, as I often say in my articles.

Impact on Children in Narcissistic Situations

As I mentioned earlier, when the past comes back to haunt a narcissist, it always does. When someone disrupts many lives by keeping children away from their step-parents, biological parents, or grandparents, it’s harmful.

This isolates children and shows them little care because they’re kept from important family members.

It’s not good for their upbringing.

As children grow up, many become sharp and wise. They may not understand narcissism, but they can feel it. For example, if one parent is toxic and the other is kind and loving, children notice the difference when they switch between homes.

In custody cases, children quickly sense the atmosphere: one home may lack rules and structure, giving them freedom but without much parental presence.

On the other hand, the loving home provides clear rules, guidance, and moral teachings. Children can tell which parent truly cares and supports them, even if they can’t explain it in terms of narcissism. They sense the positive, supportive, and nurturing energy in their environment.

Reflections on Narcissistic Manipulation

So, the narcissist looks back and thinks, “I really hurt a lot of people.” They review their list of ex-partners, hurt friends, and everyone they used and controlled. They will face consequences for ruining lives, isolating people, stealing identities, and making them feel empty.

Narcissists trap people in a numb state, what I call the narcissistic fog.

This manipulation starts after the initial phase of showering you with love, once they’ve hooked you. Then they start devaluing you, ignoring your needs, and turning from loving to hurtful.

You endure gaslighting, being ignored, receiving the silent treatment, being compared to others, and dealing with lies spread about you.

You saw these behaviors but couldn’t name them until one day it clicked — you realized, “This is happening with my partner, my spouse, my child, my mom.” Luckily, you’re one of the few who has seen through the narcissist’s tactics or games.

Living in the Moment: Healing and Growing Now

So, it’s important to learn from the past, avoid worrying about the future, and focus on the present moment right here, right now. When you live in the present, you can block out negativity and toxic influences. This is where you should raise your energy, opening up opportunities for growth.

Healing isn’t easy or instant, it takes a lot of time.

But as you heal, you’ll start to see new opportunities and possibilities emerge. These are positive changes, like chances to discover your own potential.

In a relationship with a narcissist, these opportunities for growth and success were often closed off.

They controlled you, demanded things from you, and kept you feeling undervalued. Once you broke free from that relationship, whether by ending it or otherwise, you had to start over.

You set boundaries, took things slower, and processed everything that happened. You had to learn about narcissism, accept what happened, and realize that this person never really cared about you, they only wanted to hurt and take advantage of you.

Consequences of Narcissistic Exploitation

So, the narcissist wanted everything from you like your time, money, energy, love, empathy, relationships, health, bank account, job, status, and hobbies. They tried their hardest to take it all, the narcissist will face consequences like karma or payback and it will happen, maybe not right away, but when they least expect it.

Maybe the new person they target realizes what’s happening and leaves the narcissist (I don’t like saying “discard”), leaving them alone in their own misery and manipulation.

If they don’t find a new person, maybe they end up losing money or their own children decide to cut ties and block them.

After being with a narcissist, many different things can happen. Each situation is different, but one thing is always true that the narcissist is the one at the center of it all. If you know what I mean, share your thoughts in the comments. They are the main part of the wheel that keeps turning.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

You were caught in that cycle, tricked, trapped, and manipulated. But somehow, you broke free. However you did it, you did it. That’s why it’s important to be thankful, stay calm, focused, strong, and committed.

The key is to cut off contact and block these individuals completely.

You’ve overcome something you might not have realized you were facing, the cycle of narcissistic abuse. You endured mistreatment day after day, week after week, maybe even for years.

You faced verbal, mental, emotional, physical, and financial abuse.

But you didn’t give up. You chose the better path, which brings us back to the start of the article: don’t wish harm on anyone, don’t seek revenge, and don’t wait for the narcissist’s downfall.

Now, some might say, “Ryan, this is what I’ve been waiting for.” But if you’re still giving the narcissist your attention or energy, you’re holding yourself back from reaching your full potential.

To the narcissist, you were a bright, shining light, an energy source they could use as long as the relationship lasted. And they succeeded but once it ended (and every narcissistic relationship does end), what did they do? They moved on to their next person as if nothing had happened.

The Deception of the Narcissist

They erased the history of the relationship you were in. You had to take things slow and heal, something I’ve mentioned before, it’s a good thing. Healing is important.

When your relationship with the narcissist began, they didn’t tell you upfront, “This is who I am, this is what I’ll do to you, and I’ve done it to others before, and will do it again after I leave you.”

Instead, they were dishonest and wore a mask.

They manipulated you, kept you away from your support system, and tried to take everything from you.

That’s why I emphasize that seeking revenge or wishing bad things on them isn’t the right way forward.

As I’ve said in many articles, taking the high road, doing what’s right, and going to bed each night knowing you’ve made a positive impact on Earth, that’s the way to go. You’re helping humanity, building, creating, and thriving.

Rising Above the Narcissist

The path isn’t about feeling satisfied by getting back at someone who isn’t worth your time, like the narcissist. That’s their game: messing with people’s energy.

But that’s not what we’re about.

What we do is heal, wake up, learn, grow, teach, and become the best versions of ourselves. That’s version of you the strongest, toughest version known to humans.

It’s a rarefied place where the narcissist doesn’t fit in at all.

At the top of being unaffected by them, the only place left for the narcissist is in their own negative world, far beneath you.

But here’s the thing when the past haunts back with the narcissist, and it will, trust me. They know a few things. They know they’re really good at manipulating people. They know they can’t stop being abusive, it’s what drives them. And they know they won’t change or look at themselves deeply.

Rising Above Narcissistic Manipulation

But here’s what they know, they always push things too far. They did it with you, they did it with me, and they do it with everyone they meet. That’s their routine.

They think they’re smarter, more attractive, and untouchable behind their mask.

But that’s not true. You’re here in this community, reading these articles, learning, sharing, healing, and taking care of yourself. You now realize that you are the most important person, you come first.

All the terms I’ve used on this article are meant to teach you one thing: you don’t need the narcissist.

They needed you for your energy, support, money, control, and to abuse and manipulate.

That was true for you and for me.

But not anymore, we’re healing now. We’ve closed the chapter on the narcissist and that time in our lives, the door is firmly shut.

We no longer believe in their fake persona or anyone else’s. We now understand that not everyone cares about our well-being, some may envy us, some may be jealous, some may wish they were us.

The narcissist was at the top of that list.

That’s why they saw you as a source of energy, why they tried to dim your light. And they succeeded for a while, until they didn’t. When that happened, you had to heal. And in healing, you’ve risen above everything.

Meanwhile, the narcissist is still stuck in their negative, unchanging state.

This is our journey, this is happening right now worldwide. Some people are getting into narcissistic relationships, others are breaking free, and some are planning their escape. But that’s not you anymore, because you are healing.

Wrap it up

You were once in that relationship. Now, you understand how harmful it was and the importance of closing that chapter, healing, slowing down, processing, and taking your time.

So, everyone, that’s the article. This is Ryan. True change begins with a spark, I deeply care for you.

Remember, you’re growing, changing, moving forward.

If you ever want to think about your journey, look back in time. Consider where you were few years ago, today, and where you are now. My hope is that you see how your life is getting better, free from narcissism.

That’s the path. Close that chapter, live your best life, and keep moving forward.

Now is your time to take a class, teach, read, write, whatever you want. You can fall in love again, travel, sleep late, or stay up all night. You don’t have to answer to anyone. Just be yourself, something you couldn’t fully do with the narcissist.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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