Why do some people keep attracting manipulators, narcissists, and energy vampires? Often, when one person like this leaves, another similar person shows up.

At first, you might not notice it, but eventually, you see it’s the same pattern you’ve experienced before. Why do you feel guilty or like you have to be loyal, help, or fix these people without realizing it? 

How can you break this cycle and stop attracting these kinds of people? 

What can you do to attract people who truly connect with you and have positive, fulfilling interactions that give you energy, instead of manipulative relationships that drain you?

This happens because of a familiar childhood pattern. 

Imagine meeting a narcissist then they take, demand, and manipulate for their own needs. When they meet someone with a healthy attachment style, that person quickly sees the warning signs and doesn’t click with their energy. 

Empaths or those who feel others’ energies tend to ignore flaws and focus on the good parts of people.

Empaths often think a narcissist is charming and friendly, not noticing the controlling and demanding side. 

People who attract narcissists, energy vampires, and manipulators might have gotten used to this behavior while growing up. Maybe they had a narcissistic parent, sibling, or someone who depended on them for energy to feel safe or satisfy their needs.

Understanding the Energetic Payoff in Attracting Manipulative Personalities

The secret here is that you get something out of drawing in narcissists, energy vampires, or manipulators. It’s like a reward that keeps bringing them to you, even if you don’t notice it. 

It’s similar to doing something that feels good for a moment, even if it’s bad for you later, like smoking for a quick feel-good hit.

Empaths attract narcissists, manipulators, and energy vampires because they feel needed. 

They often seek validation and approval. Narcissists rarely give approval, so they use it as a trick or tactic, giving small bits of validation. 

When you feel validated and approved, you get a little happy feeling, which keeps you wanting more, making you believe in their approval even more.

When you feel bad about yourself, your brain starts looking for proof to confirm those feelings through the reticular activating system (RAS). 

This makes you stuck in a cycle of attracting manipulative people. 

To break free, you need to recognize the pattern, understand why it’s happening, and seek out good, healthy relationships instead.

Understanding the Root of Seeking Validation and Approval

We often look for proof that matches what we already believe inside. For example, if you feel like you’re not good enough or something’s wrong with you, you might spend a lot of time on social media comparing yourself to people who seem perfect. 

This can make you feel even worse about yourself. 

You might also end up in relationships where the other person doesn’t treat you well or is manipulative because it fits with how you already feel about yourself: not good enough. 

This unconscious feeling attracts similar people into your life to reflect how you see yourself.

To avoid energy vampires, narcissists, and manipulators, you need to see the pattern in yourself and understand what your inner child wants. 

If you don’t give your inner child the love and validation it needs the part that’s attracted to these types of people, you’ll stay stuck in this cycle. 

Looking for validation from others won’t make you feel better because real validation comes from inside you. Whether you’re looking for likes on social media or approval at work, seeking validation from others will never make you truly satisfied.

I remember when I was kid, I asked my grandpa if I was coloring correctly, hoping for a “Good job.” But all he said was, “Yep, that’s how you do it,” and I felt disappointed. This need for approval doesn’t go away as we get older, showing up in different ways, like seeking likes on social media.

Understanding Childhood Trauma and Breaking Free from Toxic Cycles

During my friend’s childhood, they dealt with constant struggles caused by their ex-stepmom’s controlling and manipulative behavior from ages 5 to 15. Their home was always tense, and everyone had to walk on eggshells to avoid trouble. 

My friend and their sibling had to sneak food because they didn’t get enough to eat, carefully avoiding being caught. Living in a small space with little freedom made things even harder, and fairness seemed like a far-off idea. 

However, my friend shares these experiences not for pity but to highlight the significance of recognizing and overcoming toxic situations.

He is not sharing this for sympathy, but to highlight that our needs were unmet. We had to be careful to get what we needed. It felt unfair. If we confided in anyone about our home life, we’d face consequences. But when my dad’s friend divorced her years later, he finally gained some freedom.

It’s crucial to know where these patterns come from and why they began. 

You should give your inner child love and validation yourself, not depend on others. This is how you break the cycle of attracting manipulative people and create healthy relationships.

Transitioning from restriction to liberation, dealing with newfound freedom and fear.

My friend’s experience of finally having the freedom to have friends, eat properly, and watch TV after being denied these things during ages 5 to 15 was odd. Strangely, it felt scary and overwhelming, like being trapped in a vast open space for him.

Despite the newfound freedom, it felt strangely restrictive.

Even though my friend went through a lot of pain from ages 5 to 15, he felt safe in that familiar setting. It’s like he knew his limits and didn’t think about anything else, which made him feel certain. 

But when his dad got divorced when he was 15, he started attracting people who were like him, giving him a kind of validation. 

It shows that feeling right about our beliefs is a big reward in life.

So, here my friend is, thinking, “This isn’t fair, I have to fight,” and it often involved a woman because of his belief that women are controlling. 

His challenging childhood with her ex-stepmom reinforced this belief.

He felt he had to push back against it. And you know what? he ended up with a controlling ex-girlfriend for five years, very jealous and controlling. 

She didn’t hurt my friend physically, but she always thought my friend was too much because she couldn’t be herself or joke around from ages 5 to 15.

Understanding patterns and lessons learned to break the cycle.

After breaking up, when he was about 18 or 19, my friend became more outgoing and started making friends. But then, he faced a similar situation with a manager at work department, who acted like his ex-stepmom. 

Once again, it felt unfair. Reporting her behavior to HR would only make things worse, just like when he talked about home issues and got punished. 

It seemed like he was stuck in the same cycle, always dealing with controlling women.

Why did my friend keep meeting narcissistic, manipulative, energy-draining people? Because there was a lesson to learn. Until he got that lesson, he’d keep running into them. 

He learned from Mark Wolynn, who wrote “It Didn’t Start with You,” about how family trauma affects us. Our problems often come from our family and get passed down until someone stops it.

He said something interesting about how our early experiences, from birth to age five, shape us for life. 

You can heal and deal with this, but if you don’t realize it, it controls you. Knowing the pattern gives you power. He also pointed out something curious about my friend’s dad: despite being kind and eager to please, why did he end up with a narcissistic ex-stepmom?

Breaking Patterns, Understanding Family Dynamics and Setting Boundaries

My friend opened up to me about his childhood, explaining how he learned to always try to please others and be nice. His mom’s mood swings made him feel like he had to constantly earn her love. 

Even though I didn’t know everything about my friend’s past, I knew his dad had alcohol problems, which probably made things tough at home. 

My friend felt like he had to step up and be the responsible one to make life easier for his mom, since his dad couldn’t do it.

Mark said that if you keep doing the same things over and over, life will send people to help you change. 

From 5 to 15, my friend’s ex-stepmom always tested him to try to change his behavior. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to set clear rules and avoid dealing with someone who tries to control you.

Even though they have two kids together, my friend often says, “I just don’t want to deal with it,” when dealing with his ex-stepmom.

My friend often just says, “I don’t want to deal with it.” 

But sometimes, he needs to face it and he needs to stand up for himself. It’s about being real. 

For anyone stuck in the nice guy or people-pleaser trap, the key is to be yourself and not shy away from discomfort. Tension isn’t always bad. 

Many people who attract narcissists, empaths, and manipulators are scared of tension. If you really want to break free from this cycle, it’s about changing how you see tension because it’s not always a bad thing. 

Being strong means handling your own tension and understanding others’ feelings.

Understanding How Others’ Energy Affects You and Spotting Manipulative Behavior.

People who are empathetic or sensitive to others often have a tough time. They feel responsible for how others feel. They do a lot to make others happy just to feel good about themselves. 

The answer is to focus on your own energy and know what’s your problem and what’s not. You don’t have to solve everyone else’s problems. 

It’s not your job to deal with energy vampires or manipulative people.

Let me tell you something, people often don’t like when I say this, but what’s an energy vampire? It’s someone who sucks energy from others, like a vampire with sharp teeth. And I wrote an article on medium about this, you can check on my medium story.

What’s interesting is, if that’s what defines an energy vampire, empaths or those who feel others’ energy do something similar. 

The difference is, while a narcissist openly takes and demands, empaths or people-pleasers do it more subtly. It’s like saying, “I’ll give you this” instead of “I’ll take.” They give to feel safe and liked.

It’s interesting how it’s usually hidden. 

Often, people who try hard to please others start feeling upset if they don’t get thanks in return. 

They might think, “I did all this for you, and you didn’t even see it?” They’re doing it with a hidden reason. Being kind isn’t the problem, it’s being too nice. Being overly nice is fake, manipulative, and like a trade.

Understanding the Dynamics of Attraction and Self-Awareness.

People who always try to please others and be overly nice often end up attracting narcissists, energy vampires, and manipulators. It’s because, in a way, they’re also manipulating situations. 

It’s like attracting similar energy , it’s just the other side of the same coin. 

Instead of saying, “I’ll take and demand,” it’s more like, “I’ll give to feel safe.”

Instead of looking for approval from others to feel safe, try to understand your own feelings. 

Instead of depending on others for love and approval, look inside yourself to find real love, which is deeper. 

No one can give you the same love as accepting yourself, seeking validation from outside will never be enough. 

The main thing is to accept love. There’s a part of you, like a child inside, that wants love and acceptance. Until you give yourself that love, you’ll keep searching for it in others, even in manipulative authority figures.

A major part of this journey is about understanding individuation. 

It’s about breaking away from your parents and knowing you don’t have to fix everything at home. Be yourself, not what they want you to be. 

Maybe they wanted you to be naive and obedient. Big changes happen when you see you’re only responsible for yourself. When you take on others’ energy, things get messy.

that’s why I wrote on my website or my social media “True Change Begins with a Spark”

Wrap it up

This is why one of the most powerful practices I’ve engaged in is praying in the Islamic way five times a day. It involves reflecting on your childhood to connect with the energy of God, reconnecting with the ability to accept love. 

If we don’t experience that love or struggle to accept it, it creates obstacles in our relationships. 

In Islamic beliefs, Allah’s energy shapes how we interact with others. Allah is seen as the creator and sustainer of all relationships. His guidance and mercy influence how we treat others and behave in society. 

Understanding that you need to feel safe in yourself and not take on others’ feelings and energies is important. 

When dealing with empaths and narcissists, it’s essential to know what you’re getting from the situation and how to notice it. Letting go of those advantages helps you feel more free.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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