Often, survivors of narcissistic abuse spend much of their lives trying to save what they think is the narcissist’s vulnerable side. But they don’t realize, narcissists don’t have an innocent side inside them. Instead, there’s a cruel inner force that uses people’s feelings against them, causing deep and intentional harm.

They often try to save something that isn’t real, and today we’re exploring that topic. I’m Ryan, a writer who helps people recover from narcissistic abuse. 

In this article, I’ll explain why there’s no such thing as a narcissist’s inner child and why it’s important not to try to rescue it, no matter how tempting it may be. 

If you’re interested in learning more, please consider bookmarking and sharing this website to help spread awareness about narcissistic abuse.

Let me clarify, narcissists don’t have an inner child that can be saved, helped, or healed. 

Why do I say this? What proves it? To understand, let’s first understand how an inner child usually forms. Knowing this will explain why narcissists can’t undergo inner child healing.

Survival Strategies in Tough Environments, Impact of Parental Strictness and Criticism

Growing up in a tough environment makes you develop intense ways to survive. You hide your true self because it’s mocked and there’s no space for your real feelings. 

Instead, you do what the environment expects to get by.

For example, many become people-pleasers because their parents were strict, hardly ever approving, and often critical. 

The child learns to seek their approval at any cost. 

But what’s the price? It means feeling ashamed of who they are and what they can do.

As a people-pleaser, a child completely doubts themselves, thinking something must be deeply wrong because their parents don’t love them unconditionally. 

They adjust and change, unintentionally betraying themselves, burying shame and loneliness, and disconnecting from their true self just to get by.

Healing Through Inner Child Work, Different Ways to Recover

Later in life, when such a child grows up and realizes they were deeply hurt during childhood, what happens if they try inner child work? They reflect inwardly, recognizing feelings of loneliness, abandonment, shame, burden, and unworthiness. 

They acknowledge and reconnect with these emotions, starting their journey of healing.

This person first admits something isn’t right with their behavior. This recognition helps them build a strong connection with their inner self, often referred to as their inner child. 

They then confront their past trauma, blend these experiences into their life, and gradually stop trying to please everyone. 

This is how inner child healing happens in essence.

However, narcissists don’t follow this path. Why? Because they loathe anything that shows their vulnerability. 

For them, facing an inner child means dealing with extreme vulnerability. And for narcissists, who suppress, destroy, and eliminate anything that makes them feel weak, this is something they can’t even consider.

Losing Themselves, How Narcissists Create a Fake Persona

This is why narcissists give up their true selves for fake ones, thinking it makes them strong, living in a made-up world where they believe they can handle anything. 

But this way of living is just a fantasy.

When I talk about giving up their true selves, it might sound deep. What does it mean? It means they create a false self by hiding their real feelings, flaws, and everything else that makes them human. 

They ignore their weaknesses or faults, pushing them away and pretending to have qualities they actually don’t.

Their true self is broken by trauma, which doesn’t go away completely. 

They might distance themselves from it and survive, but they can’t bring it back. A narcissist can’t do this because they won’t accept it as part of who they are, they completely let it go and it disappears.

The Narcissist’s Inner Struggle, Battling Demons and Seeking Redemption

Imagine the Attack on Titan series, where characters are taken over by powerful Titans like Eren. It grants them immense strength but at a cost — the Titan consumes their goodness, turning them into destructive forces. 

This mirrors what happens with narcissists. They welcome this dark energy, saying, “Take control, empower me, even if it means losing my positive traits and humanity, and causing pain to others.”

This Titan-like entity replaces the narcissist’s true self, their inner child. 

When others try to rescue them with love and care, hoping to heal their wounds, they face hatred, resistance, and more pain. 

People often think, “If I love them enough, I can fill the void left by their unloving experience. I can save them and show them true love.”

However, these efforts usually fail because they’re not dealing with a wounded inner child;, they’re battling an inner demon. 

Sometimes, glimpses of the narcissist’s true self appear, showing vulnerability and raising hope. 

They might admit their suffering, unhappiness, and repetitive cycles, moments that briefly seem like breakthroughs but ultimately reinforce the impossibility of changing them.

Wrap it up

But that moment of realization doesn’t last, it’s just a quick glimpse. Soon, they revert to their usual behaviors. That’s why I call these glimpses fragments of their true self, just reminders of what existed before. 

It’s like glimpsing an old, crumbling building and imagining its former glory. 

You can only speculate because now it’s too damaged, beyond repair, a sight you ultimately walk away from.

Visitors come and go from such places. They don’t linger. It’s not somewhere to settle. Their hearts are hard, like stone, beating but devoid of life. 

It’s not a place to stay, it’s a spot to observe with detached curiosity and then step back. 

What I mean is, you can empathize from afar, but diving in is risky because you might lose yourself in the attempt to help.

I hope you found this article interesting and useful.

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Don’t forget to share if you found it informative ❤

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