You might have heard me use chess, ocean, and “light at the end of the tunnel” examples before. These comparisons apply when you’re healing from a narcissistic relationship.

In this article, I want to explain something for those who aren’t familiar with chess: Chess is played on a board, and when one of your pawns reaches the opponent’s backline, you can exchange it for a queen, the most powerful piece.

In real life, you were like a pawn in the narcissist’s eyes.

They saw themselves as kings or queens, dominating and manipulating you because they thought you were weak.

You didn’t know about this manipulation beforehand, it wasn’t something you learned elsewhere. You were moved around like a pawn on a chessboard, with limited control and power.

During the relationship, you probably didn’t understand terms like triangulation, smear campaigns, rage, stonewalling, or silent treatment. Learning about these concepts is essential to overcoming the narcissistic cycle and transforming from a pawn to a queen, the strongest piece on the board.

Revealing Narcissist’s Tactics, Explaining Deception

Now that you understand the chess analogies, think about your journey through the unknown. In that relationship, you faced constant tests, starting from the moment you met the narcissist.

To them, you were like a blank page, not knowing your own worth.

Maybe you were someone who always put others first like a kind, loving person. And even if you still have those qualities, your experience with the narcissist was like a whirlwind of emotions.

They made you feel amazing one moment, only to bring you crashing down the next and that’s just how they are.

Before meeting them, you probably didn’t know that people like them existed. You didn’t realize that not everyone cares about you, or that some people only want to use you. You didn’t know that some people could pretend to care about you, even though it’s all fake.

The narcissist goes from one person to another, using them and discarding them. They act tough, but they’re actually cowards. They’re like pawns in the game of life, but even lower than that and they’re beneath the chessboard, operating at a very low level.

Narcissistic Manipulation, Trapped in False Beliefs

But let’s stick to the point. In that relationship, you were manipulated. You were promised things that never happened, stuck in a cycle of dashed hopes and shattered dreams.

You felt lost and confused, trapped in what’s called the devaluation stage or the narcissistic fog.

You couldn’t tell which way was up or down, but you kept chasing that initial feeling of happiness from when everything seemed perfect.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships, it could happen with friends, coworkers, neighbors or anyone. The narcissist saw something special in you like a bright light. And that’s who you are, a shining beautiful light.

Don’t ever let anyone dim that light again.

All these experiences led you to fall for the narcissist, making big decisions and maybe even sacrificing your own happiness for theirs.

Whether it was falling in love, moving, starting a family, or something else, the narcissist saw it as control. They knew they had you right where they wanted you.

Manipulative Tactics, Falling for False Promises

Once again, the narcissist was in control of that relationship. From the beginning, they were playing games, portraying themselves as victims of past relationships (let’s say it was a romantic one in this case), making you think you could save them.

You might have thought you could rescue them, build a future together, or start a family. You fell for their false promises and dreams.

Behind the scenes, the narcissist wore many masks, but the one you saw was the hopeful future they promised you.

But as soon as they knew they had you, they started to pull away, treating you worse each day and increasing the abuse.

You felt like something was wrong but couldn’t escape the toxicity.

That’s exactly where the narcissist wanted you, trapped and unable to leave. But you did. Whether they ended the relationship or you ended it because it became unbearable (an unpleasant experience I’ve had myself), you began a journey of discovery and learning.

You might have looked up terms like “rage fit” or “silent treatment” online and stumbled upon “narcissism,” realizing it matched your experiences.

Suddenly, everything made sense, and you understood you had been manipulated and used. But at the time, you couldn’t see through their act and they played their role so convincingly. How could you have known better?

Deceptive Persuasion, Believing Empty Promises

Once you took the time to learn and understand, you realized you couldn’t avoid that relationship. Did you choose to be in a narcissistic relationship? Definitely not, and neither did I.

The narcissist didn’t come clean about who they truly were before starting the relationship. Instead, they pretended to be someone else.

They got you to share your hopes and dreams, promising to make them all a reality.

They were like a smooth-talking used car salesman, making big promises they couldn’t keep. I’m not saying all used car salesmen are untrustworthy, but the stereotype fits the narcissist’s behavior.

They looked shiny on the outside but lacked substance inside. You became the fuel that kept them going. They had honed their act through many encounters with others, becoming experts at hiding their true selves behind masks.

When they targeted you, they saw you as a bright, shining light they could use for their own gain. They enjoyed having power over you, watching as your life fell apart while they played their manipulative games. They knew they could get away with it because you didn’t know their true nature and capabilities.

Trapped in Manipulation, Recognizing Toxic Patterns

The whole point of this is to keep you feeling trapped and confused, stuck in the mess created by the narcissist. You were like a puppet, controlled by them. Whenever they contacted you, you were quick to respond, eagerly waiting for their call or text.

But if you ever missed their call and tried to reach out later, what did they do? They either ignored you or quickly ended the conversation, not caring about how you felt.

That’s the cycle you went through in that toxic relationship. However, as I mentioned earlier, when you start to heal, you realize that it’s not just narcissists who may not have your best interests at heart.

There are also others, like “flying monkeys,” who gather information about you like where you are, how you’re doing, what you think about the narcissist, and more.

In the midst of all this chaos, you’ll find a few reliable people. Maybe just a small group who support you as you deal with the aftermath of the narcissistic relationship.

If you’re lucky, you might have one person who’s always there for you.

These are the people you can trust, who give you hope and guidance when everything feels confusing. But many struggle to understand narcissistic relationships and may feel overwhelmed by the challenges they bring.

Moving Forward Despite Challenges, Working Towards Freedom

On your healing journey, you faced tough times. You learned to accept things, battled through dark moments, and dealt with sleepless nights and weight changes.

The support you once had may have vanished because of the narcissist’s lies, leaving you to fight alone.

Despite hurdles like delays in divorce or the narcissist’s games, you kept moving forward.

Maybe you saw some progress, getting closer to being the queen on the chessboard. But challenges like divorce complications and custody battles added stress. Juggling legal battles with everyday life was tough.

Plus, you learned about narcissistic abuse along the way.

Over time, you kept going, getting closer to your goal. But you still worried things might go wrong, a reminder of your past with the narcissist. Yet, you realized you were getting stronger. It wasn’t just about escaping them but it was about healing and being free from their toxic influence.

Moving Closer to Success and Finding Freedom

You’re getting closer and closer to the end goal, where you, the pawn, become the queen — the most powerful piece on the chessboard. With each step forward, you learn more.

Your friends may have drifted away, and some family members might be tired of hearing about narcissism.

But you keep working on yourself, cutting ties with the narcissist and their supporters.

As you reach the seventh square, just one step away from becoming the queen, things start falling into place. Divorce, custody, and dividing assets seem to be sorting themselves out.

Maybe you’ve even started a new chapter with a new home or a fresh start. You realize you deserve the happiness waiting for you, away from the narcissist’s toxicity.

Then the day comes: the divorce finalized, assets settled, custody arranged. You’re no longer tied to the narcissist in any way, or so you hope. While there may still be some challenges ahead, your focus is on healing and strengthening yourself.

Reaching Success and Finding Yourself

Finally, the pawn becomes the queen. You’re now the strongest version of yourself, a version you never knew existed. You’ve cut off contact, set boundaries, and valued yourself more.

Looking back, you see how far you’ve come from the toxic past.

You took time to heal and put yourself first. Every day, you moved closer to leaving the pawn behind. Through hard work, you became the queen and the most powerful piece.

Now, you know you can handle anything. But true strength is about spreading positivity, not dominating others. You went through a tough relationship, lost yourself, but found healing as you moved on.

Wrap it up

Most people don’t go through relationships like the one you had with a narcissist. In normal relationships, things just go back to how they were without needing any healing.

But dealing with a narcissist is different.

It takes a lot of effort to heal from that kind of hurt. But with time and using the tools provided here, you can help yourself get better.

Now, you’re strong. You know how important your energy, time, and resources are things the narcissist tried to take from you. But they couldn’t keep you down forever.

You realized you had to break free from them.

Think of it like a chess game, the queen is the most powerful piece. That’s you now, whether you’re a queen or king. You’ve become the strongest version of yourself, going against what the narcissist expected.

Just know, you’re not alone in this journey. I hope you liked the article. This is Ryan and remember, you’re stronger than you realize. True change begins with a spark

I hope you found my article informative and helpful.

Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!

Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism

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